Feeling a bit down

azrescue, sorry you are dealing with a DX. It is hard to grasp the realization that is is you who has BC. It does take a while. You aren't being a downer. Hang in there! You are stronger than you think!

Can I join your pity party? I was so positive last night & today and now I'm back down. I'm only 2 days post diagnosis, so I can't imagine what the future holds. Every bump, cramp, ache and bruise has me fearing the worst. I haven't slept right in over a week. My kids- 8 & 11- decided to fight hard tonight & dad isn't home yet. My life was so normal & boring 2 weeks ago and today I have cancer.

I just want to crawl into bed, cry, and make it all go away.

Hang in there ladies! I had days I bawled because I was tired of being strong. I actually felt worse after all my treatments were done and spent about 6 months depressed worrying the other shoe would drop. Each day out is better

Hi Twaz,

I feel compelled to write to you, you have a long road ahead. I am just on the other side of it and want you to know that it is doable. As you go through treatment, whatever that may be, it feels like it will never ever end. It's long and hard and your life will be changed forever in so many ways but as you travel this path try to look for the small things that change for the better - they exist. When you are finished treatment and think you should be all better, there will be new struggles. They are all worth it. You will be a changed person forever but you will learn more about yourself along the way than you ever thought possible. Message me if you ever need a nudge. We are all here for each other

Kelly

Hello AZrescue and others. We must believe in the future, but live today. Take a deep breath when you feel the overwhelming bone crushing fear. Then take another. And other times, give yourself permission to fall apart. I love taking a shower when no one else is at home so I can break down in private and as cry as loud as I want. I found that it was better to tackle each part of the treatment plan one at a time. Don't look at the sum of it all. It is just too overwhelming.

Chemo has many twists and turns for sure. It might seem like it will keep going on forever and suddenly you will be a few weeks from being finished. Then the next step is in front of you. I got thru by realizing my that my over all health was good and so I started in a much better position to handle the chemo. There was an unexpected turn where I needed a blood transfusion and extra fluids before a holiday. I generally felt awful and watched my fingernails turn brown (taxol) and the nueropathy is still an issue. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

It's hard to be all smiles all the time. I did speak to many folks at the cancer center, sharing my story and listening to theirs. I wouldn't say I made new friends but it was nice to reach out to people. We all feel alone in this battle at times. I met some really wonderful people and was blessed to hear how they were living with cancer. Most folks spoke of God and their belief that trusting in Him was the best way. Just give it all to Him, it truly is too much to carry alone. I definitely became more accepting of my own faith and found this diagnosis came with a blessing...the understanding of what is truly important in my life and why i fight to live it.

I was diagnosed with Stage 1 Breast cancer on my left breast. After having the MRI "boob" test done, I was told that I had small ones forming on my right breast as well. At that time, I decided to have a double mastectomy. I had the operation along with the expanders put in at the same time (to alleviate going back into the hospital).

I just went back to my dr and we are scheduled for my implants at the end of the month. My question is this: When the dr was marking me up, I was flooded with doubt, anger, frustration, fear of reliving the entire situation over again. I know removing the cancer the first time was the hardest part, but is this normal to cry? Also, I have to have a preventative hysterectomy due to this.

Hi Lee

I am 2b triple negative. I did 8 weeks of AC and now I am doing weekly taxol I'm on week 8. I have been doing pretty good. I had a PICC line which was removed 2 weeks ago I had a blood clot in my arm so now I am giving myself blood thinner shots daily. Last week was my first treatment without pic line took the nurse 3 tries to find a vein. I'm feeling pretty good

I found the AC worse then The taxol. Taxol is a lot easier I do it weekly every Friday. I have 4 more left. I am doing 12 taxol in total. AC I had the neulasta and I think the combo of both made me feel like a zombie achy,exhausted, nausea but only threw up once. I had the worst conspitation with AC.

The taxol I have had no nausea. I find Monday's are my worst day the steroids are gone and I feel exhausted. And my hips ache. I get. Benadryl and steroids before the taxol and the steroids keep e awake til 3 am.my taste buds are still off and my nails are changing colours I have kept them painted dark colours I hear it helps

I've been sitting here reading for hours - just became a member  this morning. Your post for some reason gave me a little sense of something to let sneak into my heart and strengthen me.....I was diagnosed with TN in March. Decided that I would use my normal, lifetime (I'm 72 years old - old farm girl) method of suck-it-up, do what you have to do - whatever. No big deal.

I've been in chemo treatment since the first week in April - the 8 week/every other week thing; then started the 12-weekly thing, and then another MRI to see if surgery is next - or perhaps more of that first one again. It wasn't until the end of June that I mentally comprehended that this process was going to be A YEAR long no matter what. It wasn't until yesterday when I, for the first time, picked up one of the magazines in the onc's office and read one short article that simply explained what a long term deal cancer IS. My family was/is cancer diagnoses from top to bottom - I am the last of the 6 siblings to get a diagnosis, at an older age than any of the others got their first. As I read that article yesterday it hit me with a thud: I'm not talking about cancer with anybody. My voice and my mouth do not admit that "you have cancer and it's a big deal." So today, somehow, I found my way here. I knew that I had better start looking and listening and talking and receiving. Your post helped push the door a little further open.

I had my normal mammogram in March. I get called back for a follow-up and ultrasound. The radiologist on the phone in the office tells there is something that needs to be biopsied. I get the biopsy. I get the phone call telling me it is cancer, but very treatable. I get sent to the breast surgeon who tells me it is very tiny ("could not have been found earlier" were her exact words). She says we want an MRI to rule out any other issues before surgery. MRI shows a 5 CM DCIS "behind" the initial tiny, treatable one. She tells me it is TN. I get sent to the oncology office now - change of treatment plan - and start treatments within days.

I drove myself to the first ten or so - 35 miles each way - (I am a widow) but now my church has a group of drivers lined up for me. Just too shaky all most of the time - wouldn't be good.

I am out of my comfort zone on every single side of life right now.and there's nothing I can do about it.

THe oncologist emphasized how 'treatable' TN is because of the ease of attacking fast-growing cells. I had no idea until I read through many of these pages that it's not all just simple - she is emphasizing the positive. So again I realize how I've been shielding my brain and my psyche from hard truths.

You ladies - all of you - have been a blessing to me today. It's a hard day but a good one. I know enough to know that hiding what is so from myself is not a good thing so I'm in transition of sorts that is important - four months after diagnosis. Thank you for being here. I will keep reading and working through what I need to do - slowly.

I hear ya!! I just finished 12 weeks of chemo. I am in a clinical study and was given Taxol and Pemboluzimab. I am getting ready to receive 8 more weeks for my second round of AC chemo. Then surgery, then radiation. I am TN and also am waiting results of the BRCA gene test. I am so afraid of all this. I am trying to stay as positive as I can, but some days I just want to cry. I hope you have more positive days than not. I would love to hear how you are feeling.

Thanks,

Jac

For the most part, I've been able to stay pretty positive. I feel I need to be with the husband and kiddo and because I have so many around me facing worse.

But the pity party hit me last night after I gave myself my first dose of Neupogen. I don't know why that one action after everything else my body has already been through caused me to break, but it was just enough. And for me, this journey is only beginning. I have at least 16 weeks of chemotherapy ahead of me, until we determine what type of surgery is the "right" choice based on genetic testing, response, etc...

I've determined that feeling down is not a horrible thing, as long as you can find a way to pull yourself back up. Still struggling a bit today, but hoping that I can turn that back around by tomorrow.

I have finished chemo end of June and now I am doing radiation. So far it is much easier then chemo but I am only halfway through. I saw my oncologist last week and now I don't see her til March after my 6 month mammogram. It feels weird and scary going from seeing her every week to not seeing her for 6 months. I am hoping to go back to work in November but it all depends on how I feel. I'm looking forward to finishing radiation and going back to a normal life it won't be the same as before this all started but I have learned a lot