January 2016 Chemo!

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  • kellychameleon
    kellychameleon Member Posts: 100
    edited April 2016

    Our infusion area has a gong. There has usually been at least one gong bang every time I've had a treatment. During my first treatment, a woman banged the gong while crying tears of joy with 4-5 family members with her, and it made me really happy for them and looked forward to being there myself. After reading other opinions, I totally understand how it could be insensitive. I really hadn't thought about it from that perspective before, and going into my last treatment this week, it definitely gives me pause.

    Oh, and I so hear you on "being strong, being positive." Like Cathy, I've been able to get through the chemo with minimum side effects, and somehow that makes me inspiring, strong, etc. I consider myself very lucky. I also would like to reserve the right to be grumpy and emotional about things sometimes without feeling like I'm being judged for it.

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  • Myraknits
    Myraknits Member Posts: 264
    edited April 2016

    great article: http://breastcancer.about.com/od/whatisbreastcance...

    I so appreciate any info that disputes the notions that the way we think can influence the outcome of our disease. Sure, positivity affects quality of life but there is no indication at all, after many scientific studies that it affects the length, breadth and outcome of the disease. I'm all for personal responsibility but it's nice to know I don't need to blame myself for getting or curing my breast cancer. It's also nice to finally be ok with feeling angry, scared sad, depressed and all the other emotions I let rise to the surface without feeling like I'm weak and need to get it together. Our culture only seems to value positive attitude strength. There's a beauty and strength in vulnerability too.

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  • Valstim52
    Valstim52 Member Posts: 1,324
    edited April 2016

    I finished my last TAxol On to surgery in May. Seems like I'd never get to this day.

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  • Smurfette26
    Smurfette26 Member Posts: 730
    edited April 2016

    Congrats on the last Taxol Valstim52. It's a long journey.

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  • LovesToFly
    LovesToFly Member Posts: 1,133
    edited April 2016

    thank you for sharing Myra. Ita with everything you said!

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  • DFWFLYGIRL
    DFWFLYGIRL Member Posts: 146
    edited April 2016

    Myra-Great article!!

    Valstim-Congrats. ...woop woop!!!!


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  • LoveMyVizsla
    LoveMyVizsla Member Posts: 813
    edited April 2016

    congrats Valstim!!

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  • Valstim52
    Valstim52 Member Posts: 1,324
    edited April 2016

    Thanks Everyone

    Great article Myra.

    In your pocket Piper33

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  • fightergirl711
    fightergirl711 Member Posts: 300
    edited April 2016

    So glad to hear, Valstim! Huge milestone accomplished

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  • MissBee123
    MissBee123 Member Posts: 186
    edited April 2016

    Congrats Valstim! So glad for you. Hope you do something fun to celebrate.

    Just wanted to share a funny moment with you all. Was working out today and had lots of "helpful" company. Made me smile, which was nice as I was basically bedridden this weekend (Jill can attest as we had a weekend Fitbit challenge and I had a whopping 61 steps!). I don't know who said Taxol is "easy" but I'd like a word with them!

    image

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  • LovesToFly
    LovesToFly Member Posts: 1,133
    edited April 2016

    aww

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  • Cathytoo
    Cathytoo Member Posts: 667
    edited April 2016

    Myraknits...thanks for posting your thoughts. Absolutely everyone I know tells me "Be positive! That's the key to a successful outcome!" It's great to be positive, but I don't think it's going to be the deciding factor on whether I live or die from this disease. I sort of equate being positive with having spiritual or religious faith. It's all wonderful, but our bodies are going to react either positively or negatively to this disease. I, personally, place the most emphasis on plain old hope, along with the best treatment available. And, while all this is going on a positive attitude certainly makes every day better. Just my thoughts

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  • JCS28
    JCS28 Member Posts: 153
    edited April 2016

    Ditto what EVERYONE has said. I am not naturally a very positive person, but I've been pretty good throughout all this nightmare. I wasn't even angry when I first diagnosed. But now I'm starting to get angry. I can't quite put it into words, but it's similar to what y'all are saying about "staying positive". I don't have a choice! And I have to keep going with work and kids and the house and busy life AND cancer. And no one really gets that. I keep thinking I should at least get some sort of break b/c of the cancer. But I'm not. It's just one more thing to do and one more thing to worry about. But now I'm complaining. I really am thankful for so many things -- pretty easy side effects, good results so far, and of course my awesome family. But sometimes I just need to be down. Thank you all for sharing these feelings.

    I haven't heard a bell at my center. I don't think I would do it for 2 reasons. First, I do agree it would make others feel bad. I can only imagine how I would have felt if I heard it on my first treatment day. Also, I don't think I'll ever feel DONE.

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  • Cathytoo
    Cathytoo Member Posts: 667
    edited April 2016

    JCS28....I agree with you about the bell. Personally, I don't think it signifies "the end" of anything. I know so many women who were back in a few years with a recurrence or a new breast cancer. I don't mean this to be negative in any way. But, it is reality. And, while you're ringing the bell there might be people who are back for more treatment and will never be done. I hope and pray that when I finish Chemo I will NEVER be back, but I certainly won't be ringing any bells. Maybe I'll just get drunk

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  • fightergirl711
    fightergirl711 Member Posts: 300
    edited April 2016

    Cathytoo - getting drunk sounds like a good idea. I might wait a few weeks after because wine has not tasted good at all. but a definitely good idea. :)

    MissBee123 I'm sorry I said Taxol was easy. You've gone through so much treatment; I went through Taxol first, so I was not run down by so many chemicals. I didn't mean to compare. For me Taxol was "not as bad as I thought chemo would be." Now I feel the fatigue and roller coaster of AC. I have two cycles left, and this week I wonder if I can get through them.

    JCS28 I've been feeling the same way, angry, sometimes despair. But very angry. I can't even look at healthy people without feeling resentment. There are moments when I feel hope, that this is a phase, but what if I can't move on? People impose these silver linings on cancer. Let me be clear, I have been the recipient of wonderful generosity, friendship and patience has been a gift to see that. But then the pity party moves in. That's not my role, I'm not the patient! I'm not the recipient! I'm the giver! The fixer! That's MY JOB. I admit this week the steroids are not helping, work has been a dog, it's school vacation week, my kids are bored and everyone is posting beautiful sunny vacation pictures of places that I have no idea if I'll ever be able to visit (thanks cancer!)

    There's my vent for today.

    Anyway I haven't heard any bells, but I wouldn't ring any. I do bring friends to chemo, we do laugh a lot, and I have a few who are coming with me for the last infusion (flying in, in fact, I can't believe it.) But I won't ring any bells. This is a long physical and emotional journey, it's not like getting a big tip while working a bar.

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  • EmilyJane7505
    EmilyJane7505 Member Posts: 25
    edited April 2016

    LovestoFly - I have read some of your blog posts and appreciate your honesty and frankness about what you are going through because those are really the posts that I (and others going through this) can really identify with. I personally need to work on painting a more honest picture for people because I don't want to cheapen my own (and others) experience,I find that when I see fear or sadness in peoples eyes it makes me panic a little and I want to spew rainbows and flowers ;)

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  • LovesToFly
    LovesToFly Member Posts: 1,133
    edited April 2016

    Emily Dont feel bad at all...just do what feels right for you. I was all rainbows and unicorns for a long time!

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  • LovesToFly
    LovesToFly Member Posts: 1,133
    edited April 2016

    Last chemo today.

    It's a bittersweet feeling. Of course I'm glad to be done chemo (which sucks) but I've been trying to take this step by step. Since January 6 I've gotten very used to this step. Moving forward to my next steps of treatment and the unknown physical and emotional (and logistical) challenges they will bring is certainly frightening!

    Oh well...today is for celebrating. I can start worrying tomorrow (and feeling like crap Thursday and Friday and into the weekend!)

    image


    In the end, the nurses surrounded me and rang the bell, before I had a chance to ask them not to. I hope nobody was upset by it!

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  • LoveMyVizsla
    LoveMyVizsla Member Posts: 813
    edited April 2016

    And really, the bell is signaling the end of chemo...not the end of treatment. After chemo, I still have to face a re-excision and then radiation. Rads really freaks me out, I would prefer to opt out of that altogether. But since I'm triple negative, it isn't advisable. :-/.

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  • LoveMyVizsla
    LoveMyVizsla Member Posts: 813
    edited April 2016

    Congrats, Jill.

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  • LovesToFly
    LovesToFly Member Posts: 1,133
    edited April 2016

    Thanks all. I too am freaked out by rads and would like to skip them, but since I had a lumpectomy and lymph node involvement, also not advisable.


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  • Paxton29
    Paxton29 Member Posts: 221
    edited April 2016

    I had my radiation mapping the other day and am waiting for my start date. I have to do it even though I had a BMX because there just wasn't much tissue to take and I had a dirty margin on one side and a barely clean one on the other (bilateral cancer, yay!). And that means I won't get my tissue expanders exchanged for another, oh, eight months. Which SUCKS.

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  • Sheri64
    Sheri64 Member Posts: 113
    edited April 2016

    I go for my first rads today, not sure why I am so nevous but I need to calm myself down. I got through chemo and I am sure this will be fine but I don't like the idea of going there everyday and then going back to work.

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  • buttaflydiva
    buttaflydiva Member Posts: 88
    edited April 2016

    congrats to everyone that has been finishing up chemo..that is awesome!!!

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  • Paulinek
    Paulinek Member Posts: 117
    edited April 2016

    Congrats Valstim and Jill!!!

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  • kellychameleon
    kellychameleon Member Posts: 100
    edited April 2016

    Yay for last chemo, Lovestofly!! I'm getting my last right now too. I've had 3 nurses so far come over and excitedly tell me that I get to bang the gong. I think I'll just pose for a picture with it but not actually make noise.

    Next up - double mastectomy, radiation, reconstruction. Like LoveMyVizla said, ending chemo is great, but this battle is far from over

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  • Cancerpickedthewrongone
    Cancerpickedthewrongone Member Posts: 33
    edited April 2016

    congratulations to all of you who have finished! That's truly a HUGE accomplishment so take the time to celebrate and feel good about how far you all have come! Seems like just yesterday we were all entering the start date of our first chemo session for MissBee to jot down! 😳 Congrats again!!

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  • DFWFLYGIRL
    DFWFLYGIRL Member Posts: 146
    edited April 2016

    Jill...CONGRATULATIONS! The part of the journey over for you. I think you should do like Cahtytoo and maybe get drunk....LOL Celebrate big!

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  • jensgotthis
    jensgotthis Member Posts: 937
    edited April 2016

    my last TC chemo is tomorrow and I have a bottle of champagne chilled. I may be in treatment forever but I want to celebrate finishing up this toxic stuff and being able to move on to easier treatments to handle and a better quality of life

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  • Cathytoo
    Cathytoo Member Posts: 667
    edited April 2016

    LAST CHEMO CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THAT ARE DONE‼️

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