January 2016 Chemo!

Congratulations Jinx27, I finished a couple of weeks ago. It is great to be done with that part.  I start rads Monday.

Jinx27....Congratulations‼️ I wish you the very best as you continue your treatment and then go on to live a great life. Please come back and say "hi". 👍

Hey Ladies, Congrats to those of you finishing up. Also, I've been thinking about those of you who are continuing with longer term treatment. ❤

Have my last Taxol next week (dose dense every 2 weeks). Thought I was going to get away with no neuropathy but after this past treatment not only did I feel it slightly in my fingers and toes, I also feel it on both of my cheeks. Its not full numbness, but partial - I'm guessing what is described as tingling. Didn't realize the neuropathy could end up on my face as well but my MO says she does see it there occasionally.

Also, I havent been wearing much facial moisturizer even though my hands need buckets of it. Noticed my facial skin was looking pretty wrinkley - like all over. So, put on the heavy night cream I got in my look good feel better bag. Although my skin has been breaking out too with Taxol so I have to keep a balance. If anyone has any product recommendations, I'm all ears.

Finally, I'm just going to use this board to vent a little. I had one guy - acquaintance - go on and on to me about how I've always been such a happy person and that my attitude is great and that's the key to getting through this... I knew his heart was in the right place and I thanked him. However, it really sat funny with me - like any other human, since the cancer diagnosis and treatment I've cried many a tear and had days where I felt like I was under a blanket of sadness. I've felt gripping anxiety and fear. For sure though, I am still living life and being happy and laughing in between those days. People outside of my family only see my good days. Anyways, like I said I was gracious but I just wanted to sock him one...

Take care ladies!

Here is one such post

Emily, I was so quick to respond to your skin care class can I missed your last paragraph. I totally agree. I am generally a cheerful happy outgoing person, and cancer has not changed that. But I am so sick of everybody telling me I'm going to beat this because of how positive I am! I am positive a lot of the time, because it is a better way to live, important for my kids, and it is my personality… But I am under no illusions that it is a cure for cancer. If I do get through this and stay cancer free for a long time or forever, it will be because medical treatment and because I am lucky. If I don't, it won't be anything to do with my attitude or personality. I know when people say this they are trying to be nice and supportive, but to me it just feels like they are putting the responsibility of whether people live or die in the hands of patients attitudes, and that doesn't seem fair (particularly to those who have lost their lives). I have a friend who's husband has terminal brain cancer, she wants sent me a meme that says "cemeteries are full of optimists" and it's true.

For quite some time I only posted positive happy messages on my blog and Facebook, a few weeks ago on Facebook I posted something about feeling beating down by my treatment and the treatment I have to come, quite a few people jumped on me for being negative. I was very upset. I'm allowed to be down sometimes! I know one woman who is a bit further ahead in treatment than me. Everything I said she jumped on, and she has called me many times and told me about all the positive reinforcement she gets for being so positive, how the cancer centre is asking her to be a speaker, etc. Good for her. But I'm trying to be real, I'm sure things are not always easy for her just like they aren't for me, and there are no awards for being the most positive cancer patient! She once told me she looks at her cancer like the flu and I should do that too. I'm sincerely glad if that works for her, but I am trying to be a bit more realistic and not minimize for myself or anybody around me how life-changing this is.

To be honest in some ways I feel like being so positive and cheerful all the time has been a disservice. Very few people have done anything for me, I think that's because I always seem like I'm doing OK… Cheerful and happy and looking good and still working. But it takes a lot out of me. It would be nice to come home to dinner sometimes, or get a Starbucks gift card in the mail, or have somebody offer to help clean my house. I know this happens for other patients, but very little of it has happened for me. I guess I'm OK with that ( I am managing after all), but I wonder if things would be different if I was not always so positive positive positive.

I also feel like sometimes I'm doing other cancer patients a diservice. A few people have told me about other people they know who are so negative and down all the time, how they wish they could be like me and positive and enjoying their lives and even still working so they have something else to focus on. That breaks my heart. Everybody is different and has different emotional and physical capacities and abilities, I like the way I am and I'm glad that I'm still (often but not always) able to find happiness (and keep working) while dealing with this, but I certainly don't look down upon anybody who isn't

Ps sorry for the bad typing, I tend to dictate my long posts and sometimes they don't come out quite right!

Well, even though I started chemo back in January, I'm finally finding this thread now...better late than never! It's nice to read through all the ups, downs, comments, queries and know I'm not alone. Just finished up the first 12 weeks/treatments of Taxol (+carbo and veliparib clinical trial) and moved on to AC this last Tuesday. Big difference in side effects, as more of the nausea, inappetence, and fatigue move in (but the neuropathy regresses...woot woot!), so I'm adjusting to all that and trying to stay optimistic and 'on routine' as much as possible. Are there others out there that have, are, or will be transitioning from T to AC instead of the other way around?

Congrats to those finished or finishing with their chemo and sending out understanding and outstanding vibes to those of us still in the thick of it!

I hear you, I hate when people tell me how brave I am. I do not feel brave for fighting cancer, what am I supposed to do? Let it kil me?

There are many things I have done in my life that I did feel brave for, but going through cancer treatment is certainly not one of them and I am scared all the time, even if I don't let it show.

I completely agree with having a hard time with the brave/strong comments. I know my family and friends are trying to be supportive, but it's like what's the alternative...

Lovestofly I have had the same experience of others thinking I am totally fine because I don't always seem "sick" and I think they almost forget what I'm going through.

Valstim, Quixhobbit and anyone else headed to mastectomy after chemo, here's my advice:

as MissBee said take your pain meds. They made my first week post op very tolerable. Sometimes I needed someone to remind me to take them because I slept a lot and was a little out of it that first week.

If you don't have a recliner try to borrow one (my parents brought one over). I slept in it for about a week after surgery. It is easier than trying to adjust pillows in bed all day/night.

Let others take care of you( something I'm not good at). The less you move around the sooner you start to heal and can get the darn drains out! They were annoying but not as bad as I expected.

Get some button up shirts in a size or two bigger (or borrow from brother, son, husband), so you have room for the drains.

I got both drains pulled 9 days post op (so 2 days ago). I had nipple sparing with expanders. Of course all of our experiences will be different based on type of surgery and our individual bodies, but overall it was not as bad as I had anticipated.

Congrats to all finishing up chemo and good luck to everyone heading to rads or surgery.

thanks so much for the surgery tips PaulineK. I'll be needing more. I have a recliner and big shirts. The drain thing scares me to death.

so I'm 5 weeks PFC and still getting hot flashes. Is this menopause for real? I also only have soft fuzz on my head and no sign of real hair growth yet. I am not looking forward to scarves and hats as the weather gets warmer..

I've never heard a bell ring either. There are about 70 infusion rooms though.

Everyone says I look great and that I'm so positive. And like you've said, what's the alternative? I've had my moments, definitely. I cried my share in the beginning. Even my husband forgets that I'm operating at what we call "diminished capacity". I get out of breath after chemo when we hike with our dog, but I still go on most days. I act normal, but this is not normal.

I start weekly taxol on Thursday, dreading it. I know what to expect thanks to everyone here, but hoping for minimal SE's.

I've never heard a bell at my cancer center, but I don't think I would do it. As well as being insensitive to others, for me the end of chemo means it's time for mastectomy and it's hard to celebrate when I'm terrified about the next step. I've never spent a night in a hospital before. Also, have to continue Herceptin for a year so I'll be back on the chemo floor regularly.

I too hate the stuff about "staying positive" and "being brave". I didn't choose this. I'm doing it because it's either that or I die. My mother annoyed me last week when I was feeling particularly tired, telling me I had to "look on the bright side". She had read somewhere that people with positive attitudes have better outcomes. But really what is there to be positive about a disease that is treated by poisoning, cutting and burning you? I'm not doing too badly overall, and I can even joke about it sometimes, but the fear never leaves me. Several friends who've had BC say it gets easier with time after treatment, but for now I just tell myself it's ok not to be ok.

Blog post I wrote about this very topic

I've debated ringing the bell myself. I've only seen one person do it since I started treatment. When I witnessed this,I cried a little-but happy tears for them.It truly made me happy for him. The cancer center I go to also has what is called a "garden of life", and I love this. When a patient finishes chemo, they go to this beautiful garden with their family, doctor and nurses and plant flowers to celebrate the end of chemo. Th