Boob envy anyone?

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Peppin
Peppin Member Posts: 29
edited April 2016 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

Hello,

I am not one to normally envy anyone but ever since I had my bilateral mastectomy (in 2014) if I see a woman's cleavage or a picture on a magazine, or I read a story book that refers to boobs I feel a big pang in my chest. I have boob envy! Does anyone feel that way? I can't seem to find other women who feel like this. I've had a reconstruction with implants (I had the exchange last February) - but though they look fine in clothes, they're nothing like real breasts to me. The radiated side is particularly hard, it has an indentation on the scar presumably due to adhesions which I have been trying to massage but which does not seem to want to go. I don't have nipples yet but I bought lovely prosthetic nipples from Pink Perfect. And yet I still feel envious. It is a feeling I am not used to. I miss my nipples, the sensations they gave me. I miss the way my husband would look at me and touch me. My breasts gave him and me a lot of joy. These reconstructed breasts don't. I don't regret my decision - and I've been through it hundreds of times again and again in my mind after - and I always came to the same conclusion that I had to have a bilateral mastectomy. But I sure do miss my breasts, and I can't help feeling torn inside even when I just see a billboard of a woman in a bikini. Do or have any of you felt this way? Will this feeling ever go? I feel bad that I feel this way.

Thanks.

  


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  • kcat2013
    kcat2013 Member Posts: 391
    edited April 2016

    Hi Peppin, I have had those pangs of boob envy too. Mostly just about the cleavage part though. I'm happy with my reconstruction for the most part, I just really miss having cleavage.


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  • Peppin
    Peppin Member Posts: 29
    edited April 2016

    Thanks kcat. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. I suppose with time I will find it easier to accept.



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  • Lily55
    Lily55 Member Posts: 3,534
    edited April 2016

    YEs especially in the summer, I am still waiting for reconstruction and feel like I am being punished, some days I feel winded seeing people who look normal, I am lopsided and hate it and particularly hate cleavages on display...........................so no you are not alone.......4 years now.......I even feel envious that you have something there whereas I am flat (or rather lumpy) on one side

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  • Peppin
    Peppin Member Posts: 29
    edited April 2016

    Thanks Lily for your support. I hope you get your recon soon.

    xxx

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  • anotherNYCGirl
    anotherNYCGirl Member Posts: 1,033
    edited April 2016

    Peppin, - I feel the same way! (and I am sure we have lots of company on this issue!)

    I miss all of the sensation, the softness, the movement, etc etc...

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  • 7of9
    7of9 Member Posts: 833
    edited April 2016

    So I mentioned to my primary care physician how I thought my implants didn't look great - yes they defy gravity but the one is kinda flat on the one side. She laughed and said "well just think how bad the real ones would look about now without a bra too"! huh? She is a dear actually....and probably right...BUT...... :( (They were getting pretty bad but I miss my nipples. Kinda wish I'd had nipple sparing surgery sometimes...

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