What and when to tell children

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Alex276
Alex276 Member Posts: 35
edited April 2016 in Surgery - Before, During, and After

I am scheduled for a DMX on April 28th and I am struggling on what and when to say something to my 8 year old daughter. She is very attached to me and I know this is going to affect her deeply and she is going to worry. I have decided we aren't going to use the C word until this is over and we know I will be okay. What did you tell your kids and how far in advanced of your surgery did you tell the

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  • Skittlegirl
    Skittlegirl Member Posts: 428
    edited April 2016

    I have 3 kids. They were 7, 5, and 2 at diagnosis. Once we knew it was cancer we explained that I was sick with a type of cancer. I bought my oldest the book The Year My Mom was Bald (or something like that). It helped explain the different treatmemt types. I had chemo before surgery, so explained that the medicine would make my hair fall out and might make me tired.

    During chemo I ended up in the hospital twice for infections. They knew that at surgery the doctor was cutting out the parts that were making me sick. They came to see me the next night after surgery. My surgeons got backed up so it was after 8pm when I woke up in recovery. The kids have seen my scars (no reconstruction yet) and haven't had any questions about it. Since I had previously been in the hospital I think for them it was no big deal that I was going in again.

    I would personally not avoid saying cancer. People have cancer. People beat cancer.

    My oldest two also went through a children's support group at my cancer center for kids who have a family member with cancer. They got to see the radiation machine and the chemo infusion center. They also learned about the biology of cancer in a way that they could comprehend. And they got to discuss different emotional responses. They enjoyed going to their group.

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  • brandford37
    brandford37 Member Posts: 71
    edited April 2016

    Hey Alex276 I'm diagnosed March 17 and i doing surgery Lumpectomy next Tuesday April 12th abd all now I haven't tell my kids and my family only few close friends to me and one of my sister on my father side yesterday I told my boyfriend my oldest daughter living with me she's 14 I haven't tell her, me and my oldest sister living together we are very close I haven't tell her either, she's every weak if I tell her she gonna break done I'm waiting till after the surgery then I will tell her good thing she won't be home when I'm doing my surgery.

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  • SierraNV
    SierraNV Member Posts: 3
    edited April 2016

    I told my granddaughter that a bad bug got in my breast so they had to take my boob off so the bug would not kill me. But they were going to put a new one on so all is good. She asked me what the bug was called and I told her Cancer. She never heard of Cancer so was ok with it and happy the doctor took care of me.

    When she would play doctor she would get her little scissors out and take my hand, then tell me she knew what was wrong with me. She said it's nothing to worry about. I had a bug in my boob and she would cut him out and put a new one on.

    She also would tell her teacher that "oh my grandma had a bug in her boob, but they took it out. No big deal."

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  • Noni
    Noni Member Posts: 327
    edited April 2016

    When I was first diagnosed my daughter was only 2. We started using the word cancer right away, so it didn't seem like a curse word. I had a BMX and explained that I was sick and the doctor had to operate and help me get better. I made sure that she knew where I was sore so she wouldn't jump on me, and to help her see why I couldn't carry her.

    My recurrence happened when my daughter was 10. This time is obviously more serious but we've been honest with her. She goes to 2 support groups and has her own therapist. She has met all my doctors and came with me to chemo once.

    I wish you luck with your surgery.

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  • Unomeklp
    Unomeklp Member Posts: 2
    edited April 2016

    I was diagnosed when I turne 47. Had stage 2 in my left breast. Had surgery,4 chemo treatments and 35 radiation. Now my cancer has returned and I've been diagnosed as terminal. Have started taking ibrance and femara. I am 50 now and have told my youngest..he's 25 and am at loss of how to tell my oldest , 29,who is incarcerated. Many say not to make him worry but I don't feel right in not telling him. Arrrrgh

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  • LisaMomOfFour
    LisaMomOfFour Member Posts: 465
    edited April 2016

    My kids were 13, 11 and 9 year old twins when I was diagnosed. A little bit older than yours but not much. You are getting good advice here. I went to a support group at a wellness house for cancer, and received very practical advice about children and the internet that I try to pass along. Even the youngest kids will go in search of information on the internet... much of which is outdated, frightening and out of context. I asked all four of them to promise me that they wouldn't look for information on the web, but would ask me instead.

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