abusive relationship for 22 years

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trish1314
trish1314 Member Posts: 50
edited May 2016 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I have been in a horribly abusive relationship for 22 years and now I have breast cancer. I still have lots of treatments and surgery and radiation ahead of me. I have no friends, no family that can help me financially but the stress is literally making me more ill.Anybody out there have any advice?

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  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited April 2016

    Hi Trish,

    I am so sorry that you find yourself in this very difficult situation. Here is a link to some ideas about financial help:

    http://www.breastcancer.org/tips/compliance/financ...

    Additionally, please seek out a social worker or patient navigator at your health care facility. These boards are great support, but an in person support group might help you get connected to people in real life. The American Cancer Society also offers support services such as rides to treatment and look good, feel better classes.

    I was in an abusive marriage for 23 years. Despite lots of family support and good friends, it took me a very long time to end it. It wasn't easy but I have never regretted ending the marriage. You have to take care of yourself and in my experience, being single and happy beats being married and miserable any day, even with breast cancer. Today, almost 10 years post divorce, I remain happily on my own, with a fulfilling career, two beautiful adult daughters, one granddaughter and a grandson due any day. Yes, it took a while to get here but I am at peace, even with stage IV bc. Put yourself first, seek out any and all help and take care

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited April 2016

    trish1314, so sorry to hear what you are experiencing. Indeed, take a look at the page exbrnxgrl recommended. There is help out there. Hugs to both of you strong women!

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  • Bonniebleu
    Bonniebleu Member Posts: 71
    edited May 2016

    I'm so sorry : (. I was in an abusive marriage, 20+ years, and finally got enough courage and strength to leave a few years ago. Just remember, you are not alone. Reach out to the hospital, church, friends and take care of YOU. (((HUGS))

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  • Lindzanne
    Lindzanne Member Posts: 94
    edited May 2016

    I second the advice of reaching out to a social worker. I am a domestic violence advocate and when I've worked with a few clients with cancer their hospital social workers have really come through. Sometimes they can even find new subsidized housing if you want to leave---that can be a long shot but regardless they usually have some great resources. Is there a local DV hotline you can call? They may have some advice or support too. You can call the National Hotline too at 1-800-799-7233 to see what resources there are locally, they can look it up and even reach out to them for you.

    Domestic violence is a broad term---there doesn't need to be actual physical violence for you to qualify for DV services. It may help just to talk to someone on the phone about this and get some validation about this specific part of your struggle. And many DV agencies will provide support whether you choose to leave or not--there are so many reasons why women stay and that is your business, no one should ever judge you for that. Many of these agencies can support you in finding financial resources, housing, or just emotional support.

    I'm a survivor of domestic abuse too. I got out and sometimes I don't know how, I think I was on auto pilot. You don't deserve this. I'm so sorry you are without the supports you need right now. I hope this and the other posters advice and support is helpful to you.

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