2014 Divorce Anyone?

Thanks Rose

I read an article which basically stated that when women get sick, the rate of divorce is higher than when men get sick. I think I re-evaluated things and went to the beach. I have 2 more short trips planned this summer. One with my son and one with old friends. I have learned that I cannot pass up any opportunity to enjoy life.

I can't exlain it but, I truly feel like one of the weights have been lifted off of my shoulders. It's a good feeling.

Enjoy your holiday weekend. I know I will. Thanks for your encouragement.

L

LB, good for you for doing something radical!  I hope you are still at that cottage, enjoying yourself. 

Ladies, I saw this topic and I just had to chime in. I left a 27 year marriage 12 years ago. I loved my ex husband so much, I thought he hung the moon. BUT, he loved his mistress more than he loved me. His mistress was - VODKA with a side of YUKON JACK. Ugh...anyway, I took a good introspective look at my life and realized it was not where I wanted to be. So, I got the courage and left. Not easy...for an entire year, I still took care of my ex. I would cook and clean and do laundry and pay his bills. Then I thought to myself WTF? Why? I went to a counselor and then promptly filed for divorce. I stopped helping him. He did not fight for the marriage so why should I care?

Fast forward...I am remarried for the last 8 years to a man I met on the internet! He is wonderful and is everything I knew a relationship could be. He has been with me through the BC and other illness and he is great.

There is life after divorce and there are some wonderful caring men out there. Hang in there cause LIFE is just around the corner and when you least expect it, it begins. I wasn't looking for a husband when I met him. I wanted someone to have fun with and go to the movies and out to dinner with. Instead, I found the most wonderful person I ever met.

Hugs and Peace to you. When you find the strength in yourself, you will find the beauty.

wen: He actually got attorney and filed against me. I have one now, a young whippersnapper as I like to call her. I have learned what I am entitled to, and I will get it. All I wanted was the summer to step back from everything, he couldn't have it, and his passive aggressive self, had to strike first. Now he is in recoil, panic mode. Me on the other hand, have all my ducks in a row.

I am moving forward stress free and unafraid of anything (after all I had cancer nothing else can compare to that). Taking a trip with my son in a couple of weeks. I rented a nice condo in town to use during the week to be closer to my son and mom, and take a couple of classes at a community college. I will come to beach on the weekends.

I can't express how good I feel. Just looking forward, and making choices without anyone else's opinion has been exhilarating. I feel I am giving life 100% of me, and if something in the future happens with my health, cancer again or something else, I will have no regrets. Even though I am still dealing with a lot, I cannot remember the last time I have felt this good. Living my life.

Thanks for the support. I wish all of you the same happiness I am feeling right now.

L

Hello again. ..I finally had enough and moved out of his house..staying with my sister now and often get very lonely. I know that in time I will want to get out and socialize again but for now I can't stomach the thought of dating or trying to pretend I even like men... so very disappointed that I'm in this position but no other choice...I just started working again but it is really hard on these bones...my job is very physically demanding. I'm praying that someday I will find happiness again..that someday being alone will be easier...God bless you all...

yay! Yay! Yay! Radical! A very, very happy and healthy new year to you and your beloved! I can't tell you how many of my scorned friends and family were once afraid to take risks....until their backs were against the wall. Good for you and your beloved!

My dear cousin was in a 40 + year marriage and between her chemo and radiation,her husband took a hike into the arms of a "friend." The last year hasn't been a picnic. What shocked me was that, according to her sister, he had done that once before....20 years ago! Like you, you can't go back and reclaim those years, BUT, you can take risks and choose a better life for yourself. Once you realize that you can take control once again of your life, the journey can become more rewarding. Cancer controls your life and you can lose your mooring while undergoing active treatment. But once you regain some semblance of control over the cancer, one realizes cancer no longer should remain front and center of one's destiny. My cousin is slowly regaining her footing. I will make it my business to help her regain her strength and compass....you have shown me what is possible. I wish you happiness today and always!

My husband of 24 years (together 25) has gone ABOVE AND BEYOND. I mean he is at every single appt even if it's just to draw blood. He caters to me like no other....pampers me, gets me anything I want or need at the drop of a hat! I could want a soda and if we don't have any....at midnight....he jumps in the car to go get me one. He takes care of our 13 year old son. Takes him places....makes sure he takes his shower in the morning....hair brushed, etc. He is just wonderful. Wonderful. Yep....you would think wouldn't you? But no.....it's all subterfuge. Except for the son part. It's GUILT that is greasing that wheel. The man has CONTINUED his long-term affair with a slut from his hometown WHILE I AM BATTLING CANCER. Oh....yes...as we speak. I've known since August that they were back at it and I had all these great plans. Confront, kick him out....FINALLY(gave the man more chances then he deserved) and MOVE ON. Then cancer happened. So....since I no longer care anymore.....I really don't.....I am going to use him and use him til I don't need him anymore. Just like HE'S BEEN USING ME all these years to keep the facade going that he is this fantastic husband and wonderful father. He is a narcissist and people's perception of him is all important. So....I have all the evidence I need and I will bide my time until I get healthiy enough to get a job and then it's over. Don't ask how I've been able to pretend since August...I have NO idea. I just realized the man I married is gone. He's been cheating even before this slut. So...I am done.

Divorce 2014 finally turned into Divorce 2016. I did it, and feel great !! I am living my life, the way that I want it. Making my own decisions 100%, right or wrong. So far, though, everything is right. Loving every moment, and making the most of everyday.

Went to divorce hearing last week, as my controlling, passive aggressive, non-communicative ex who never would even consider counseling, was claiming abandonment. He spun himself a web, filled with contradictions, lies and absolute ignorance of how a marriage should be. Judge saw through EVERYTHING!! Basically called him a liar, and ruled that I was at fault for NOTHING. So now onto support part. My great little young attorney, made sure the same judge will make this decision, too. Couldn't have gone any better!! Even if things had not gone my way, I had a dinner date with my son the night of the hearing, and my ex did not. I got through that day thinking of this, realizing I have so much.

I am still caring for my parents, and watching my poor mother lingering in a nursing home. She has given me inspiration and a reality check. She would never want to be this way!! She was always so happy, with her hair very stylish and wearing her good shoes. This is how I am choosing to live now. If something happens to me, so be it, I will have worn my good shoes today, laughed and hopefully danced with my friends and family, and sometimes people i have just met. I realize I don't need much more than that. I truly feel better than I have in a very long time.

I have joined a disco dancing group, perform in Mardi Gras parades and other functions, spending lots of great time with my kids, making new friends, and have a social calendar with upcoming events already on it.

Every now and then I read my first post here, and I feel like a completely different person now. It makes me cry to read it. I was at the lowest point in my life. Just being able to put down my words was releasing, but then to receive such positive thoughts from others was so amazing. Thank you.

I wish the best for all of you ladies here, dealing with health, family and marriage issues. You may be in a tough spot now, but sit back, give what your life should be some serious thought, create a plan, and then do your best to make it happen. No matter how long it takes.

With love.. XXXOOO. (My mother signed her cards and notes this way, always)