My son's new girl friend has BC

Hi Lynda, I am not a young woman anymore but I have two daughters of about the same age as your son. I am not sure I understand what you want to hear from young women who unfortunately have to deal with this dreadful disease at the prime of their lives. Do you want to hear that your son's girlfriend will be fine and will be able to have kids? Do you want to hear that she is not going to be fine and you should convince your son to dump her?

You have been through it yourself and you know there are no guarantees. You say you don't want your son to get hurt. This young woman is someone's daughter and I am sure her mom has more reasons not wanting her to get hurt after what she had been through. As a mom I would say let it go and let your son figure it out on his own, don't interfere.

Dear Gale1525

Your signature doesn't say anything about your diagnosis or treatment - but I am guessing you have been through a lot!

I can appreciate that it is hard for you to think of your son facing all the things you had to face.

As a mother of both a son and a daughter I can understand your desire to protect your son and see how almost everyone on this site will feel protective of his girlfriend.

I cannot imagine anyone here telling you he should dump her. I don't think anyone of us would want to be dumped by a boyfriend or a husband or a significant other due to illness.

However - your son's decision will be his to make - and he will have to live with the consequences of his decision either way.

There are no guarantees in life. If she is good for him overall perhaps the issue of children does not have to be a deal breaker. If I was you I would try to work out what my feelings are exactely and let him know that whatever he decides you will support his decision.

You may have an opportunity here to do some emotional healing of your own as well as helping your son and his girlfriend.

Sending best wishes for you all. Life is hard sometimes.

Several things here -

1) It is very common for young women to do chemo, even at early stage, so just because she had chemo doesn't mean her diagnosis was particularly worrisome.

2) She very well may be able to have kids. Many women who have chemo before the age of 35 retain their fertility and if it doesn't happen the old-fashioned way, there's always fertility treatments and adoption.

3) They've only been together a month. You are getting a bit ahead of yourself. They may not end up together for reasons that have nothing to do with cancer.

4) Falling in love always comes with risks but also with great rewards. As his mom, all you can do is help him celebrate the happy moments and be there to pick up the pieces if the worst should happen.

Let your son find his way and don't be a downer on his new relationship.

Also, you will get more productive answers from young women if you don't imply that young women with breast cancer are damaged goods. And that's exactly how your post comes across..

Insensitive post. Made me wince.

Goodness, it is impossible to say whether ANY relationship is going to work after only one month! If, by chance, it is true love & they make it through this very difficult test (much more difficult for her than him, I will point out), then I would say that they have a real & deep connection. What mother wouldn't want that for her child? There are many reasons why people choose not to have children....or why they are unable to have children. And being in perfect health is no guarantee that you will be alive to see any children you do have grow up, and having health issues is no guarantee that you won't. Really, what one's children decide about becoming parents themselves is really none of our business.... under any circumstances. Being a survivor yourself, you can choose to be a great source of support and encouragement to them both.

As someone who has been in her situation, I advise you to please stay away. I understand your concern for your son. My mother in law had the same idea and expressed doubts to my husband regarding my long term prognosis and while mine might be far worse than this young woman's, it is best not to make decisions during such trying times. My husband eventually decided that he could not deal with my illness. It was harder for me to get past the idea that he did'nt want to stay than to deal with Breast Cancer. We are all survivors of this disease and are fighting every day to lead a longer life. We need to be surrounded by people who make us believe everyday that life is worth fighting for.