Embarrassed to be sick

Sorry you are going through this! I say do whatever you need to get through this recurrence and don't worry about your boss or coworkers

MoreShoes - I'm sorry you're going through this a third time. You took the words right out of my mouth. I said the exact same thing to my DH yesterday. This is my second time around, and I feel like I'm letting everyone down - my family, friends, colleagues. I feel undependable. And since I've been here before, I sometimes feel like I'm inconveniencing everyone this time around. So I find myself not asking for help, and trying to do everything as if life was "normal" right now - pushing through at work, trying to do everything around the house, still teaching yoga and working out at the gym.

When I really spend time thinking about it all, though - so much of what I perceive I'm feeling from others, is really coming from myself. I like what you said - "I can't even depend on myself." And this isn't our fault, but sometimes it feels like it.

Yes, some people have pulled back from me, particularly colleagues. I can't tell if they're uncomfortable, or if my cancer brings up feelings about others they know who have or have had cancer, or if they just don't like me. Whatever the reason, it's really all about them and has nothing to do with me.

I'm working on practicing patience and lovingkindness with myself - much easier for me to do with others. Right now, you deserve some of that lovingkindness yourself, and hope you find some peace. Sending you love and hugs.

MoreShoes: You should never feel embarrassed, although I understand why you might do. I suspect (and hope) the response that your colleagues are giving is their embarrassment and that it is they who do not know what to do in the circumstances.

We humans compare ourselves to others so frequently, and with Breast cancer its no different. On these forums we hear about so many who seem to be coping so well, hardly taking a day off work, bouncing back to full fitness. Whilst this might seem commendable, we each react differently and no one is right or wrong. I felt so inadequate as I didn't work (actually due to my emigration from the UK and I had started to look for work but this was curtailed on my dx) I found recovery so hard and long, and no way could have continue to work normally. No one persons experience is the same and I can't understand people who judge if someone has to take a break or take it easy. I feel that to go though this experience without any impact is not common. You have been though this three times, and I commend you for working and continuing to try to act normally.

ShetlandPony: The reaction of others is usually from their inability to cope with the subject and to know what to say. I would advise that you do as you want, tell who you want, but know its for your own reasons and not others. We don't have chance to control much whilst being members of this club, so feel confident and put yourself first.

Hugs, and I wish you both comfortable and successful treatments.

Sarah

Shetlandpony and others in the same boat,


Being stage IV was too big a secret for me to keep. It also made me feel as if I had something to be ashamed of, which of course, I didn't. So, over the course of 4+ years, I have gradually told co-workers (my family always knew). I don't feel that anyone has treated me differently, though many were surprised and don't quite understand stage IV. If someone does treat me differently or shuns me, that's their problem and I don't need people like that in my personal or professional circle. I do know others have felt discriminated against, but as a state employee and a union member (public school teacher) my rights are solidly protected as long as I continue to perform my job up TP standard. Sadly, not everyone has been spared discrimination in the work place.
My life will most certainly be shortened by this disease, so I choose to live it authentically and without barriers. However, you must do what is best and most comfortable for you. Whatever you choose, make joy a priority, whether you live for one more day or a million more days.
Caryn