How to say goodbye to your breasts?

Anonymous · March 2016

Jacklin · March 2016

I've almost finished my chemotherapy (one more to go) and then will have a BMX in April. I know in my head that it's the right thing to do for me, but my heart is having a tougher time accepting the loss of both of my breasts. I am so incredibly thankful that I've had the opportunity to nurse our four children and for all the wonderful years I've been able to share them with my husband. Now that the BMX is coming closer, I find that I am weepy at times and keep looking at myself in the mirror, trying to imagine what it'll be like post-surgery, will I miss them (I know I will), how difficult is it going to be, etc. My question is, how does one say goodbye to your breasts? Would you be so willing as to share with me what you did and how that helped?

Artista928 · March 2016

I personally was happy to be rid of mine. They were large (DD) and too saggy for my age. I have TEs now and will be getting perm implants in a few months after treatment. I'm glad I won't have to worry about sag anymore.

ElaineTherese · March 2016

Never said goodbye because I had a lumpectomy. They're both still here, even though the lumpectomy breast is slightly smaller than the "good breast." One reason I had a lumpectomy is that it allowed me to preserve my "girls."

Skittlegirl · March 2016

My warrior sisters (support group) strongly recommended that I take some pictures of them. Even if I didn't think I would want pictures. But if the day comes where I wish I had pictures, then at least I would have them.

bluepearl · March 2016

I just wanted the disease gone and having had it twice meant that my breast tissue is active....so off they went. I decided no reconstruction. No more surgeries to nerves already raw from the cuts. I am older too, so breasts don't seem to hold as much importance to me as being alive (my sister has hers and she is stage 4). Life beyond breasts is just as wonderful as before. I have prosthesis if I want to go out and wearing something special but most of the time....flat. I also have some lymphedema, so wearing a bra is uncomfortable too....and any further operations could increase the lymphedema and post mastectomy pain too. I will let sleeping dogs lay.

Englishmummy · March 2016

I took pics of mine but have yet to view them, haven't even peeked and I am 9 mths today from my BMX, my boobs were not the greatest before (I am tiny and breastfed 3 children for 2 years apiece back to back - not much left) but as Skittlegirl said, I'd rather have the pics and never look, than not have them and wish I did. Although, really and honestly in my mind, I was so disgusted that they had let me down so badly, so young and on both sides, I was ready for them to leave....bit like my in-laws really!!

I am very happy with my implants and look: I was even brave enough to get a new swimsuit - more revealing than my pre-mastectomy one. Do I miss my old boobs: unequivocally, yes. But, I also love and respect my new ones.

This works for me but I realize each of us are different: perhaps if you could change the conversation in your head it may help you come to terms with this? Like Artista pointed out: no sag and more age appropriate boobs - she found an upside. I have found twisting and tweaking my internal dialogue helps tremendously with the emotional side of BC but as always, with everything related to BC, this is an individual and personal transition. There is no reason that you should not grieve for your loss, it is natural. Just don't write your post mastectomy body off yet, you just might be surprised.

jnKinna · March 2016

I was fortunate not to have time to ask myself that Q. I had a SINGLE mastectomy 2 years ago. My best consolation is that saying bbye now I'm cured, recovering, have faith I'm not going to die from the monster growing inside me. I won't lie, it will have a huge affect, but have faith, gather your family and friends and rejoice in life. I'm writing my memoir, it's how I signed up here. God bless you.

tangandchris · March 2016

I wrote an entry in a journal about my breasts, I said good-bye to them and thanked them for the good things they brought me. I also expressed my sorrow at the loss and many more feelings about it.

I will tell you that I had BMX and then chemo so I really didn't have time to truly mourn my loss, but there are days that I really miss my breasts. I don't know that there really is a sure fire way to say good by and move on, I think sometimes the loss will hit you more one day than the next.

((hugs))

Jacklin · March 2016

Thank you for all sharing your experiences with me. I so appreciate you all and for being so open with me on this topic. Englishmumm, you are right, I need to work on the internal dialogue as well. I try to remind myself that the surgery is going to take the cancer out of my body rather than focussing on losing my breasts. I also like the idea of journalling, taking a photo, gathering my family and prayer. Really, it's like needing to take one step at a time, one day at a time. It seems that this is what this life with BC is all about. Thank you all.

Jacklin

StaceySue2U · March 2016

My husband said the most beautiful 5-day goodbye to my breasts and I am sure that, for as long as I live, I will remember it with love and affection. We did get photos, and my breasts were beautiful although large. Now that I've had my BMX and my tissue expanders are gradually getting filled, he cups them in his hands and kisses me and tell me he loves me, scars and all. He says the old breasts were beautiful and we got many good years out of them, and now we're on our way to having a different kind of beautiful. We're both looking forward to it. Things definitely don't look pretty now but we're both looking forward to what will be our new normal. Life is a journey, for sure. I am enjoying not needing a bra, and realized the neck pain I used to have is gone. They were a little heavy to carry around. Everbody who sees me tells me I look so much thinner now that my large breasts are gone. I'm delaying my DIEP to give myself time to lose as much weight as I possibly can by then so that we can enjoy the most beautiful results possible, and planning a beautiful rose vine tattoo over the tummy tuck scar, with heart-shaped rose petals blowing in the wind. I want reconstructed nipples but instead of having realistic aureolas tattood on I'm having them tattood heart-shaped, so it will look like the rose petals landed there.

blg4 · March 2016

StaceySue2U… You might want to ask the surgeon about losing a lot of weight. When I was considering reconstruction, they were going to use the tissue where all my weight was. One surgeon thought I didn't have enough tissue. The other one did. So if I lost a lot of weight I wouldn't have had enough

Blessings2011 · March 2016

I got my boobs in 5th grade, and for the rest of my life, they were big. But then they started to sag, and I really wanted to have a lift. I just didn't plan on getting BC to have one.

By the time I had my BMX, I was a 40DDD, and they hung almost to my waist. I was very self-conscious, and never let DH see me topless without the lights out.

I asked how he would feel if I had them removed. His answer? "I love them, but I'd rather have YOU."

When I got my implants, I was thrilled. I joked that I'd have the perkiest boobs in the nursing home. These days I am not self conscious at all about being topless in front of DH; in fact, he says while he loved the old ones because they were part of me, he also loves the new ones because 1) they make me happy, and 2) they feel real to him.

The night before surgery, we did take pics, just to have them. I'm glad we did, as that served as my goodbye.

LM070917 · March 2016

I thought I'd be devastated after my op, but when I first looked down, I was actually relieved. I didn't have the very thing trying to kill me. By that time, I had a very hard lump, which felt like a rock beneath my skin, so I hadn't had my breast for a while. As funny as it sounds I was more devastated about losing my hair during chemo. You do learn to move on and just be thankful to still be here 😀

New-girl · March 2016

I mourned losing my breasts for about a year after my bmx. Although my DIEP was done ok, it took time to get use to the new look and feel of them. Four years out, I have accepted my new breasts. I nursed two kiddos for a year each and to be perfectly honest, my old ones although just barely b's were sagging somewhat. The new ones are firmer, higher and a full b cup. I liked the way I look in clothing and after an adjustment period, the sexuality of them came back.

I loved the advice on here about your internal dialog. I think rethinking how we feel about them is half the battle. Wishing you the best.

Jacklin · March 2016

Again, thank you everyone for your help. It's been a tough week, lots of tears, but I'm working on the internal dialogue. And prayer has certainly been helpful as well.

Have a good night,

Jacklin

ksusan · March 2016

I had one good cry over it because I like them. Now I'm on to the next phase of my life. If I live as many years without them as I did with them, I will be more than satisfied.

Kawigirl1260 · March 2016

I'm scheduled for a single mx in May, after my son's wedding. I've chosen to "go flat." Fits me since I'm small to start with. I always thought that the way I'd react to a cancer diagnosis (my dad died from brain cancer 3 years ago) would be "GET IT OUT!!!" But I've found myself looking at that breast and thinking, "aww, poor thing to have this nastiness in you." My friend asked me if I'd had any grief around my diagnosis. I think it's been around losing a part of me that's been with me for 55 years. And the fact that, soon, I'll never be able to look like the Victoria's Secret models ;-) Both are scarred from other surgeries, including 2 lumpectomies and a node biopsy that led to the upcoming mx, and, like many have said, my hubby says that I'm much more important to him than any one part of me.

I've been trying to envision myself without the breast. I've come to a sense of peace about this. But, my surgery is still a ways off. I'm trying to focus on the exciting things between now and then....my son's and future d-i-l's graduation from grad school and their wedding. As the surgery date approaches, I'm not sure how I'll be. Like you said, Jacklin, one step, one day at a time.

mselli · March 2016

I am scheduled for a mastectomy in early April. It's the first time for me. Nice that you can enjoy the wedding before your surgery. My husband just passed away 2 days after my biopsy, and I'm having to deal with all of this. But I think there are brighter days ahead.

Jacklin · March 2016

Dear Mselli, I am so sorry to read about your husband's passing. Much strength for each day, you have a lot on your plate right now. I don't know what else to say except that I hurt for you. Big hug, Jacklin

BarbB59 · March 2017

stacy, i read your comment. It was very touching. With just being diagnosed and going thru 3 surgeries trying to remove it, and then to find out I have to have a mastectomy its very scarey. My husband has been very supportive . It still scares me to death. I just am having a hard time with it. I'm not sure how to even go about to say good bye. But after reading yours and all the others it helped me figure it out. Thanks, to a friend who suggested doing it so i looked up this website and i'm glad i did. i think i'll be ok

Moderators · March 2017

Hi BarbB59-

We're so glad you've joined us here, and we hope you find it to be a place of support. Struggling with saying goodbye to your breasts is normal and hard, we're glad you found some helpful words here.

The Mods

How to say goodbye to your breasts?

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