Cancer and Loss of Child

Hi Tosca, welcome BCO. I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. That alone must be heart-wrenching.

I'm also sorry to hear of your bc diagnosis, plus your unhelpful mother. That must be very hard to deal with as well. I can only guess that maybe your mother is looking for a "cause" for you breast cancer. Although we live in a crazy, unpredictable world, these people (like your mother) can only live in that world if there were "reasons" or "causes" for everything. If you live right, eat well, take care of yourself, and do X, Y, and Z, things will be OK. Other people get sick because they don't take care of themselves. Other people are mugged because they walked in the dark in a bad part of town. These people blame the victim, because it is just too scary to imagine that even by doing everything right, bad things can happen to good people.  

Although I am not in your exact situation, I understand you are in pain and looking for help. My daughter is battling depression,*and has attempted suicide several times. It is not easy. I offer your this resource: https://www.facebook.com/WithoutTim/?ref=br_rs  This is the FaceBook page of Lisa, whose oldest son, Tim Schenke, died by suicide. Tim was the first of at least 10 teen/young adult suicides in Southern Monmouth County, NJ within a four year period. Her memoir, "Without Tim: A Son’s Fall to Suicide, A Mother’s Rise from Grief" is geared toward helping all who are grieving, especially parents and those who have lost a loved one to suicide, as well as helping teens and young adults who are struggling with their own sense of self-worth.

My daughter has been to Lisa's workshops. I have been reading Lisa's book. I hope her website and book may offer you some hope in your grief. Plus we all are here to listen and help as well.

Mominator

*Edited to add *and has attempted suicide several times