" Can't Tell "

I'm like that too. I'm not sure why either, I figured it was normal. If I were to analyze myself, I think I'm a person that doesn't like to appear vulnerable or weak. I also dislike the "pity looks" from people. Maybe when you feel safe?

Almost four years ago, I was in your shoes. I'd been diagnosed with DCIS - the first with breast cancer in my family. I felt as if I had done something wrong - maybe not taken care of myself enough (I didn't want any pity either - I've never liked being the center of attention). I told my immediate family (spouse, kids), my twin sister, my boss and back up at work. I didn't ask them NOT to tell people but I really didn't discuss it either. I had a fewl friends at work who were also diagnosed and their cases were more advanced than mine. I felt maybe mine was a blessing being stage 0 so I didn't want to complain and never brought it up. My sister actually talked about my diagnosis on Facebook (without my okay) - Many of our relatives and friends are also my friends on Facebook. Sure enough, I started getting messages from them asking what was up. I was so angry at my sister that I called her and told her to remove the information immediately from social media. She had also been interviewed by a local magazine and right there in print it said she was dealing with her sister's breast cancer diagnosis (no other information about what kind I had or my prognosis). We are very close and it was one of the few times we really got into it. However, four years has really mellowed my thinking. I don't know why I got cancer but I've made peace with it and I'm no longer embarassed. I had one friend who said she told everyone because it helped her deal with it by talking to people - that it made her situation more real to her.

It might not be embarrassment but instead self-protection. It's a survival instinct when we are threatened. I didn't make any loud announcement, and instead only told very few trusted family and friends. I'm a firm believer in the "need to know" sharing of info, and didn't want a bunch of people calling me all the time or asking me how I was doing all the time, which would be a distraction from tx and also could very well derail me into worry when I might not have been worrying at that time about it.

C

Only my immediate family knows. None of my local friends know and they're none the wiser. I just didn't feel like having people treat me differently or feel bad about it and honestly it's sort of refreshing this way.

I told many people when first diagnosed at age 40, and had to deal with multiple tiring phone calls (this was before social media) and also the strange reactions from friends and family. As others have stated, you find out who your true friends are. I was also amazed at the level of naivety and ignorance about breast cancer amongst people I told then. Twelve years on with a second (worse) diagnosis, I've told only close family members (my mother has also had BC twice). If I had had chemo then I suppose I would have told more people because I think this would be hard to hide.

Joining this website has helped me immeasurably to feel more connected and not so alone with this illness.