I feel like I'm stuck

I second that! Join in and don'tbe intimidated. I look up things all the time and have to check out meds and words used in ways that are unfamiliar to me. Plus this is how you learn about different treatments and side effects and what to expect etc. So jump in and ask questions. It seems to me from your post that you are very strong, a Mom of a young one and been through a lot already. I am sory you lost your Mom to cancer and now have it yourself. Be gentle on the learning curve and what you expect from yourself!

Welcome!

NessaEllen, We will all welcome anything you have to say. None of us are experts, we are just learning as we go. I don't find these boards to be intimidating, but the disease that brings us all here definitely is.

You have had a very rough year, and it must be overwhelming for you. There is no need to rush into a decision about surgery at this time. Take as long as you need to think about it. Although it might not always feel that way, you are in charge of your treatment. We all make decisions for ourselves, and it is human nature to second guess ourselves. Always remember this, whatever you decide to do is the right thing for you. It doesn't matter what others say or think. If you think it is right to do something, it is right.

If you have any specific questions, let us know. I have not had surgery although my breast surgeon has started discussing that possibility with me. I have had so many other things going on in my life lately that I could not take the time to seriously consider it. My quality of life is quite good right now, and like you, I wonder if I want to have to interrupt this period by going through a recovery period and possibly even radiation treatments. If only we could see into the future to know how things impact us in the long run.

I will keep you in my thoughts and pray for you to find peace in whatever course you decide to take. Stay strong.

(((Hugs))),

Lynne

Sending my love to you, NessaEllen. Hang tough, honey (I know you are already) and welcome to the sisterhood. SUE

I agree 100% with the others--most of us knew nothing about bc before it happened to us. We are all still on the learning curve. Please post any thoughts, feelings, questions. That's how we support each other and not feel so alone.

First, I am so incredibly sorry for all that has happened to you and in such a short amount of time...it's a lot to try to process. I am currently 37 with two kiddos--soon to be 5 and 12! Can't imagine a 3rd one (laundry comes to mind!!)!! Keeping up with the kids, doing all the mom stuff we do is exhausting! Throw on top of that the physical, mental, and spiritual aspects of all you've been through...it's not surprising you feel "stuck." I'm 3 1/2 years into this and finally feel like, with the help of a lot of medications (Wellbutrin, Zoloft, and Ritalin to name a few), I feel I have finally turned a corner in my processing of all this crap!

We have several similarities. I know I was searching for someone similar to me, si I could hold on to the hope that I may be like them, one day, with a great response to treatment. We are all so different, even if we look the same on paper.

Sorry this is getting long....I had 18 weekly infusions of hpt (and xgeva) then dropped the taxol and have had close to 90 infusions of hp total. I have had an amazing response. After I dropped the taxol (in February 2013) I soon got a less severe case of cdiff. God, it's miserable right? Then one of my scans picked up some dcis in my breast. Still being in the "early" stages of figuring out what it meant to having stage 4 cancer, it scared the hell out of me. My onc suggested lumpectomy with radiation or mastectomy--I believe he suggested these because my original tumor in my breat was 12x4x7...large. I opted for a single mastectomy. The surgery was a breeze. Recovery went off without a hitch. My ps suggested a one step implant, but then decided that because of the cdiff, my body wasn't healthy enough for the additional surgery. So I was left with a skin sparing mastectomy, which looks quite strange. I have no way of knowing if the mastectomy has played a part in my response to treatment. My phone is acting up hold on...

Ok try again--I wanted to be super aggressive because I have small children and a husband and so many other reason to fight. Having the skin sparing mastectomy has left me with the option of being able to have an implant at anytime. I haven't done it. I want to for many reasons, but I am afraid to rock the boat. If it ain't broke don't fix it kind of thing. *I* regret having the mastectomy. It really has played a part in my self-image issues, sounds vain, I know. Also, I miss my breast during intimate times with my hubs. And the weakness in my arm and shoulder is very annoying (was an athlete before and now feel like a wuss).

It's such a crap shoot. No crystal ball. This is just my experience. There are so many different variables. Only you can make the decision. And it will be ok. Sure I wish I had my breast...but in the grand scheme of things, not really a huge deal. Just glad I'm still here...getting ready to celebrate my little girls 5th bday! At chuck e cheese! Lord help me! Haha!

You have been through so much. When I am overwhelmed, I tend to shut down. And live in denial. I too thought I had a kick ass attitude in the beginning...dropped the taxol and then realized--well crap, this still isn't over. I have to continue this forever. I put on a happy face for a long time. Until I couldn't hide my pain any longer. Meds are my best friend! But I also wish I would have taken the time for myself to talk to the social worker at my center. Talking to friends is all well and good, but they really don't get it.

Ok I have rambled too much. Hope something in this jumble of words helps give you a sigh of relief.

Again, I am so very sorry for the loss of your mother and all that you have been through. Lean on us. We will catch you.

Kristin

When I was first dx, my boys just turned 4. IIIc (scan showed no mets, but we all knew it was a matter of time-17 nodes)

My mets were found when the boys were finishing 1st grade. Well, they are FRESHMAN in HS!!! wow,,,so there definitely is hope!! Seeing them in HS was/is a miracle!

I have done the aggressive approach. I believe in mastectomies and hysterectomies. granted this is a marathon. I kept one breast and I regret it to this day. I did the hyster so I could do an AI. Recovery from a Mast isn't too bad.

Nessa- please don't think of hormonal therapy as "only" or doing nothing. It is a valid, effective treatment for those w stage 4 hormone positive cancer! It can also be rough regarding side effects. Many women have few problems, others will have fatigue, a feeling of being wiped out, muscle, joint or bone pain to different degrees, hot flashes, night sweats among other things. Some find it makes a difference when they take the pill (am v pm), might check w your onc. Unless someone has experienced these its hard to explain how difficult or unpleasant the side effects can be. I would agree with the earlier suggestion to look into palliative care which is not hospice but a specialty that focuses on managing side effects, dealing with quality of life.

Hope you can find some relief!!