waiting for CT scan results is the scariest part for me.

I am actually very happy to have scans and they dont make me nervous or upset..even if im being watched for something. To me, I am one of those people who can better deal with the known than unknown. 

Praying all is good with yours.

Yes - this was the absolute worst for me. When I had my pet/ct scan I thought I hit rock bottom. All of it is crappy of course, but the scan to see if it spread was awful. Not the scan itself - just waiting for the results. Good luck with your scan and I hope it all comes back clear.

Nancy

I agree scans are very scary. I have my first ultrasound with my bs since my double mastectomy in June coming up in three weeks, and I'm very nervous. I also have a ct scan in April due to two spots on my lung. Unfortunately, it's all part of the journey we all must go through. As scary and nerve racking asscans are, at least we are being watched, and if something changes it can be dealt with sooner rather than later. Sending good luck and thoughts your way🤗

Happy for gerrib's good news - there is a term for the worries she describes: "scanxiety"!

Now her focus will be to take care of that nasty ILC and, due to bilateral disease (did it show up while on tamoxifen?) consider genetic testing.

MRI also might be good at this point in order to get an additional size assessment of the lesion. Mine appeared to 'grow' each time another imaging was done, due to the way those cells arrange themselves...

vlnrph, if memory serves the 'scananxiety' is usually referred to as "fear of recurrence". It also can be classified as a type of PTSD.

Though we don't face the same type of horrors and assaults as our brave service members in war, when cancer strikes it is a traumatic attack. Cancer maims and kills people we have known and loved. Then it attacks us, putting our body and our lives in danger. So I've had several counselors tell me it's in the same class of fear/anxiety as PTSD.

In my 'lay person' knowledge there's anxiety and fear that is general, in other words you have it day to day almost every day, that niggling worry that doesn't quite go away. Wondering if that pain in your shoulder means something. Then there is anxiety and fear that is triggered and is more acute and sudden. In the case of many vets with PTSD, the sound of fireworks will trigger an episode. For some cancer patients the trigger is an abnormality that is found and requires further testing which triggers a panic attack, severe anxiety and fear.

In my case I'm pretty good managing day to day. My problem is more 'trigger' oriented. I go from being pretty much hunky dory to overcome with fear. Some people get this going to their oncologists office. I sometimes get woozy stepping off the elevator on the floor which my Onc's office is located. Sometimes things trigger and I have to think about what the connection is as it's not clear at first.

That's my basic understanding as explained to me by a counselor. I hope that understanding our fear will help us cope better.

Hi CJS47.

Sometimes I get a little lightheaded as I am walking into the door of the cancer care center. I too get sick of the 'stay positive' blah blah blah.

The way I describe it to people who don't get it is, it is like being in an accident. After the accident you are afraid to drive, or go through a green light if you were hit by someone running a red. Most people can relate to having been in a car accident, or bike accident, falling off a horse is another good example. Their fear is triggered and it's almost like autonomic response. Being placed in situations that remind them of their accident triggers a fearful response. So if your husband has had one of those experiences perhaps you can ask why he isn't just 'being positive' to help him understand.

I have a liver scan scheduled next week, Tuesday.

Had a bone scan and normal screening colonoscopy too before the end of the year. I managed my anxiety pretty well with those tests/scans. Results were clear. I was a bit anxious but somehow I also had a sense that it was going to be o.k. and I was doing the right thing getting these tests.

This liver scan has me rattled though. When my Doc called and told me it almost felt like I was having a seizure, even though he said it's most likely due to chemo. He's a straight shooter too, so if he didn't think that he wouldn't say it. Yet every muscle in my body tensed to the point my jaw muscles were sore. I could barely function that day I was so gripped with fear. Full blown panic attack. I'm not sure why the need for this particular scan has thrown me for such a loop, but it has. I'm struggling with my fear and I find myself wishing for the life I had before cancer. I know that's not possible. So I'm going to reach out for help with counseling to find ways to cope with my new reality. I think it's this roller coaster ride. Seems like just when I'm feeling good, the worry of recurrence is subsiding, something new crops up. I'm getting tired.

All of this is on top of all the other worries we have in life, finances, work, family.....

Ahhh life isn't easy. Sorry for the philosophical ramble.

One thing I try to remind myself is courage is not the absence of fear, rather it is overcoming the fear and doing what needs to be done.

Cjs47,

I see by your sig you've been through a lot, just 6 months or so behind me.

Thank you for your kind words and here's to getting to that place where it gets easier and less scary!

I will update on results.

(((HUGS)))

CJS47 Good news, my CT scan was clear.

My liver is just showing the wear and tear of the chemo. I need to baby it by staying away from alcohol, nsaids like tylenol and other things which may be liver-unfriendly. In case anyone stumbles on this thread in a search, I learned from a friend of mine (2 degrees in biology/med school) chemo has a 'half life' of sorts in our system. It stores up a bit in tissue, organs, muscles and 'leeches' out over time. So even though I'm a year out from my last chemo my liver has still been contending with those chemo drugs for a long time, albeit much less over time. After awhile the liver shows signs of that wear and tear. So for anyone worried about liver mets, keep this in mind while you wait for you scans too.

While I was in the waiting room for my scan the lady who checked me in happened to be a BC survivor too. She came out and gave me a hug as I did have a few tears (the wait was long an ER patient needed an emergency CT which I understand but the stress was just getting to me). She told me that a friend of hers who had throat cancer a few years ago said, cancer is not a sprint, it's a marathon. This is so true.

I am going to look into an oncology counselor, American Cancer society referred me to some in my area. I would like to learn how to cope better with the fear. This last go-round of fear was so bad I was completely debilitated for a day and am still exhausted.

Whew! For now at least.

To all,


Scans suck. Post scans sucks even more when you have to wait 4 days to hear if the IDC (somehow left behind from your bilateral Mastectomy, 2013, which had been confused for a stitch left behind from that surgery, causing a weird little sunken surface shriveling on the nice clean scar line, which through plastic surgeons and oncologists has been incautiously dismissed) may now be surging throughout your body or may simply be contained to it's area. My head has headaches, my legs are irritated with nerves running maniacally down them, my stomach is tight, slight feeling of nausea and the constant worry of loss and last minute organization of my life flashes forward. Anxiety? The cancer flowing throughout? Who knows. Trying to stay strong, refusing the weak, trying to protect the grief of friends and family--all zapping my energy. I can deal with a radical surgery, skin grafting, chemo and/or rads. But the possibility of cancer raging through my body and the finality of it all is too much now. Take deep breathes? Yoga? Tried it. My brain is still stronger and more seductive of the reality of the situation. Any suggestions? I've got 2.5 days to go. Thanks.

The AIs are notorious for causing joint pain. If it is intermittent then it's most likely due to the meds or inflammation. If it is concerning, by all means, call your MO this week