Winter 2015-16 RADS

congrats to those finishing and to maximom for getting your port out!

Thanks for the commiseration on the emotions. The folks at my radiation center are great, and I don't feel exposed on the table. I think it's just now really hitting me how unfair it all is and how much it sucks. Losing my hair (it's growing back, but it was long before and it'll take forever to get back there), losing a boob and the scarring, gaining 30 pounds, the pain and discomfort, losng all my fitness, not getting to dance for months... It all just sucks. A reasonable trade off for getting to live, but it sucks. And then a couple acquaintances died recently and it occurs to me that could have been me. And I haven't done enough with my life yet. Something I plan to remedy!

Thank God today was my last whole breast treatment, and on to boosts. I have a huge patch of raw skin under my arm. For those of you who had boosts, did your energy improve right away, or not until after you were all done?

Just back from my first treatment. Was weird to have a machine that close to my face....kept thinking it was going to melt my glasses or eyeballs - ridiculous, I know. I asked the tech to explain everything at the end since I had no idea I was getting 11 bolus with the thing they drape over me. I'll ask about my dosage/grays on Thursday when I see the RO. The gown/robe they gave me last week to take home and bring back every tx is HUGE...could seriously fit someone 2-3x my size....even the waist ties hit my pubic area, not anywhere near my waist. When I pointed it out to the tech she said I can use my own robe. Yay! It will be nice to have something that is mine and more comfortable (mentally, more than physically), which is significant.

Kate - I hope you are feeling better!

With you Brimton....about sometimes feeling alone in this. Aside from my sweet partner and maybe 2 friends, I think my family and everyone else has pretty much forgotten about me (OK, aside from my mom who calls weekly...but only talks to me for a few minutes). Same for me in wanting to be reassured but at the same time I often don't want to talk about it anyway. So thankful all of you are here!

Twnkltoz - It didn't hit me until after chemo ended how much it all sucks. Delayed reaction like you. The past few days have been good emotionally, after feeling so crappy/down since last chemo, but with rads starting today we'll see how long that lasts.

On a good note, I ran 8.5 miles on Saturday (it was the best I've felt on a run in over 2 months)....which was 3.5 weeks after my last of 6 chemos. I ran another 5 miles today, but my legs felt awful and I was having trouble breathing. I just can't recover from workouts as fast as I did before chemo. The edema in my legs has improved starting last Friday - maybe I turned a corner? - but I'm also not standing at work at my stand-up computer workstation.

oh...and I was stopped in a market today by a woman who works there telling me how much she liked my head and that I looked so cute. Glad I must not look cancer-y! She was surprised when I told her I didn't really have a choice because it was from chemo, and she congratulated me for being done with it. Still miss my hair which was to the middle of my back, but I'm rocking the bald pretty well all things considered.

Now I'm off to my first night class for Spanish....

Mary I love your twin story! My mother found out when she was 8 months pregnant and was panicked that they weren't prepared 4 girls in my family. My skin is bad too I'm worried about the next 13 tx. What rx cream are you using? My RO gave me nothing.

The way I'm positioned the machine is not even an inch from my face and I had to sneeze as soon as they walked out and I screamed ...I GOTTA SNEEZE..MOVE THIS THING and they lifted it and we all laughed . .my whole body sneezes ya know..

I am putting on so much but so nervous about what it's gonna look like. I swear by Friday it was like raw meat

Lovely ladies - hang in there! My last (of 35) rads is tomorrow!! Woohoo! I am so ready to be done with this. I will say that if you have an issue, make sure you complain loudly! I was feeling nausea 6 weeks after chemo and well into rads and I finally made a big stink about it and they admitted that with whole breast rads it can hit the stomach and esophagus!!!! So, they rewrote the program and I did the 7 boosts to get a break. I felt better!

Then I went back to the last 5 whole breast and the nausea came back!! So, when they say it's not from rads, I'd be skeptical. I never threw up but my stomach was always upset. I have an iron stomach and high pain tolerance, so when I felt lousy for several weeks, I decided to make that known! I lost about 12 pounds, which is a lot when you are post menopausal! My chest/shoulder blade area also was burnt and hurt like hell. I used all the creams I could and the candula cream (which is in miaderm) helped. One thing that I used was coconut oil - my RO swore by it. He also finally prescribed a steroid cream for the itching, which is in full force as the burnt skin heals.

You are all amazing and it will soon be over!! Hugs to all! I will be celebrating tomorrow night!! I plan on taking a spring break vacationweek and will not start the arimidex until I get back! Now, if only my hair would start growing faster!

@peabrain that is so fun! Love the picture. We're going on a cruise May 1 for our big celebration.

@missv the miaderm is really nice, for sure. I put on aquaphor after my appointment when getting dressed, because I feel like all that petroleum makes a protective layer. I'm almost through the tube though and won't buy it again.

When I'm all done, I'll probably have all kinds of leftover cream. I'll probably donate it to the next person! Isn't it fun to make plans for when we're all done? I'm setting up all kinds of things I always wanted to do, plus I'm going to convert my blog to a book. Countdown to getting ME back!

marijen - I had 1.8 Grays [I think you meant centi-grays DiDel or you would be sooo glow in the dark!!] daily x 28 days for a just over 50 total - a slower gentler approach than the Canadian 16 [even though I am Canadian] because I had diep reconstruction. Now two weeks later I am still pinky and darker tan but it's fading, and the small but irritating raw chafed armpit and then underboob have started healing too and just are peeling a little. Still stretching, as it is tight. I wasn't a big fan of the Miaderm scent either Moondust -- rather oddly stale --, but I used a variety and believe it all helped keep the skin supple.

KIm - getting the henna on my head today, so I'll post a pic later

rough night...kept thinking about the radiation....and how much this sucks. I have cancer. Me. Still unbelievable, yet it's true.

- xo

Andra: woo-hoo to henna!

I'd been coloring my own hair with body art-quality henna for almost 5 years when I was diagnosed last summer. I miss my hair! It'd achieved a lovely deep cherry cola color with bright ruby "highlights" (i.e., greys, hehehe). The 5 or so hours I spent doing the roots each month was SO worth it for that color. I'd never gotten so many compliments on my hair before in my life! So stoked for you!

all: I started week #4 of my 6 weeks yesterday. Looks like the final week will consist of boosts (they call it a "cone" here). I'll be lying on my back vs. lying prone, which is how I've been positioned thus far. Not looking forward to that, as my back/neck/shoulders/hips are in agony already. *Sigh* The cancer center here recommends/offers samples of Udderly Smooth cream and something called Difinsa53. I looked up the latter online - holy $$. So I keep asking for samples. Muahahahaha! I work on the waiting room's community puzzle every day to try to help my horribly neuropathic fingers, and also to try to regain some of what I've lost to "chemo brain." Blows!!! I feel like 48 going on 80...

@adarkadept we have a puzzle at our place, too, and I always make a bee-line to it! I look forward to it every day, and that helps. It's like a little reward for going to treatment. I'm worried the current one won't be finished before I am!

It sounds like so, so many of us are in the same boat, emotionally, with this. I LOVE the image of all of us in a circle, holding hands. Imagine the energy!

It's official: I have the flu, which is working its way into bronchitis. I just downed the first horse pill (augmentin) and am heading back to bed. I don't remember the last time I was sick enough for antibiotics. . . . Maybe 2002? LEAVE ME ALONE, VIRUSES AND BACTERIA. To make matters worse, I strained an intercostal muscle (not on the radiated side, thank goodness) with a dramatic coughing fit last night. Insult, meet injury.

In other news, one corner of my MX scar is starting to look weird, almost scabby. I don't really know how else to phrase it. I made a conscious decision not to freak out when I discovered it today, and will ask someone to look at it tomorrow.

I fully own the Kitchen Aid reference. I stood and gazed at the machine and had that thought again this morning!

No problems breathing with the snorkel, even with this ick. Thank goodness.

Sending lots of love to all of you, from here in the snowy tundra. But guess what? Next week, it's supposed to be 60 degrees! Woo hoo!

Andraxo - I love the henna pattern! Rock that beautiful bald head!!

Hi Everyone:

Week five! I asked about being set up for my sim for boosts today tech cant tell me ask RO. I like to know ahead of time that I will be laying down longer. Unlike today when they said "This will be a longer film today." through the speaker as I'm laying there. UGH

Sailor CONGRATS! MissV I am doing better today i guess.... Peabrain I LOVE THE TRAILER!! You look wonderful with the big smile. Enjoy your trip. KateB79 So sorry about the flu. I had a bad cold right before surgery so I feel your pain. Coughing and had to go on meds too. I hope you get better fast. You use a snorkel while breathing? Andrao and Duzzy If you have a small heart, the RO told me you don't have to hold your breath. The breath holding basically raises your breast and chest wall away from your heart. I have to take a breath, which they measured during my sim, and hold it. The machine I now call Simon zaps me and then I let my breath out. The techs tell me when to hold and when to breath out. The techs told me to practice over the weekend before my treatment started. I can hold my breath for a minute. Not that I need to but I can. Its usually about 30 sec. I LOVE YOUR HENNA HEAD! I didn't have to have chemo but if I had I would have definitely done that. I also totally get the "Its me" feeling. Adarkadopt I cannot believe how expensive everything is. I got a EOB for rads yesterday my share for 1 week $1,600. HOLY CRAP. Good luck with boosts. I too look at the puzzel they have. But usually have no time to work on it as they call me in pretty quick. Tessio Thanks for the compliment on the holding hands. Glad you don't think its corny. I hope the underarm heals fast. Moon dust Good luck with chemo I will be thinking positive thoughts nearer to the time. You are throwing everything at this cancer monster I know you will prev-ale. Musosgirl Here is my SNL skit. My daughter got, a long time ago, a t shirt that says employee of the month with a big sun on the back. So picture the SNL stage with the back of the t shirt showing. Then as someone (not me no way) turns around and their left boob is hanging out a slit cut int he shirt. Now THERE is an employee of the month. LOL Mdoc How is it going? love the twin story.