My Wife Diagnosed today... Advice please

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MrVker
MrVker Member Posts: 1
edited March 2016 in Triple-Negative Breast Cancer

My dear wife of 22 years was diagnosed today. Asymptomatic (mammogram and biopsy) Invasive ductile carcinoma triple -. We are seeing a surgeon Monday. Lump is 8mm. We don't know of node involvement. Worry filled weekend. Please let me know any thoughts/advice on comporting her.


THank you

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited February 2016

    MrVker-

    We want to welcome you to our community here, at BCO. We're sorry for the circumstances that have brought you and your wife here, but we hope you find the advice and support you need.

    The early days and weeks can be very scary and confusing; we have some information compiled for our newly diagnosed members that many find helpful, which you can locate here: https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/5/topics/.... You likely have many questions right now, we suggest writing everything down that you'd like to go over with the surgeon on Monday so nothing gets forgotten. Try to relax this weekend, and not worry too much about what is still unknown; hopefully you'll feel a little more in control after her appointment on Monday.

    Please keep us posted on how it goes, you're both in our thoughts!

    The Mods

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  • Yvette66
    Yvette66 Member Posts: 17
    edited February 2016

    Hi MrVker:

    I am pretty new to this forum but wanted to reply as my husband of 20 years is my rock! I was diagnosed in Oct 2015 and what I needed most was for him to be positive (not my strength) and keep planning and talking about our future. Left alone, my mind easily goes to dark places where I start to plan for my families lives without me; he did not let me do that, not for a minute. We have been working on an International move and while it has to wait until next year (it was going to anyway), he has kept right on with planning our future. That is a great comfort to me.

    I think that those early days, before developing a plan, were some of my most difficult. I just felt like my time was up, if not now then soon. Once I had a plan and started treatment, I felt like I was actively participating in my recovery. I'm someone who needs active recovery, I need to feel like I am doing something toward my goal. My husband has made it easy for me to keep doing the things that are important to me and that I enjoy. I have been very fortunate to have had minimal side effects from my chemo and have continued to enjoy my life.

    I'm sure you know your wife very well and the fact that you are asking means you will be paying close attention. Just be there for her. Be there and keep your eye on the future. Laugh about the things that are funny (if that's her style), cry about the things that are sad and make sure to pull her into the future at every opportunity. I found reading the survivors post on this board to be incredibly uplifting at a time I was particularly down.

    Best of luck to both of you! Hope your appointment goes well and your plan starts to take shape on Monday.

    Yvette

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  • Numb
    Numb Member Posts: 432
    edited March 2016

    Hi Mr. Vker, you probably know by now that this is not a death sentence.  Your wife's lump is very small and probably has not invaded the lymph nodes.  My lump was 13 mm and didn't invade my lymph nodes, if that is anything to go on.  They will most probably do a lumpectomy and then radiation and your wife has an excellent prognosis after that with her type of cancer.  Best of Luck

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  • jenjenl
    jenjenl Member Posts: 948
    edited March 2016

    The beginning sucks - lot's of tests, waiting, plans change as more information becomes available. How did the dr appt go? What are they recommending? Find the right doctor, if you don't like him/her change! Always advocate for yourself/wife, there are times when they don't seem to want to be bothered. Be the squeaky wheel - there is a gentleman on here (ALHusband) he is on the Triple Negative Thread frequently. I'd suggest reaching out to him for some support. Here for you! xo

    Triple Negative Thread - https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/72/topics...

    ALHusband profile - https://community.breastcancer.org/member/181522/p...


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  • Fiercer
    Fiercer Member Posts: 45
    edited March 2016

    Yvette66- so true! We moved during my treatments and he kept planning with me. He never cried and not because he is insensitive, but because he said positive thoughts and actions would keep us both on track. He let me feel sad, but always had his arms around me supporting me. I got to the point that I felt his strength was what kept me floating above the water

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