lost and it's just the beginning

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srqNCPA
srqNCPA Member Posts: 2
edited February 2016 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I was just recently diagnosed with breast cancer stage 3. I had my surgery Jan 25 and also removal of lymph nodes that came back positive. Initially it was discussed hormone therapy and radiation would be the treatment, now with the positive lymph node it may be chemo.I do have my melt downs about it all, but my concern is really weighing heavy on my relationship with my husband. I keep telling myself I am married to this manly man who seldom shows any emotions and his way is just dealing with the very minimal when somethings wrong. That's all great and wonderful......but I need a little more support from him and he just doesn't get it. I cry my self to sleep A LOT! I am left for hours at a time during my recovery (because I am able to work from home) and when he come homes it's hit the couch and out light a light. I want and need some affecition, hugs, I love yous, and we're going to get through this; But that's not what I am getting. When I bring it up, it creates a fight......well this last one was a huge one. got told we are done, there nothing left between us. This emptiness has become the normal anymore. I don't need to be in tnis relationship if this is the way it's going to be right......that's not a healthy support system. I know he may be scared, and this is his way of handling it, but it's not always about him.....this time it's about ME! WHEW! Please don't tell me I'm the only one or one of the few who is experienceing this........

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  • Supportive
    Supportive Member Posts: 81
    edited February 2016

    I am sure he genuinely cares and the only thing i say is he is also finding this super hard and this is how some people deal with it... with denial or ignorance as he cannot face the future otherwise. Maybe ask a friend of his to talk to him and get his feelings out and then it might open him up

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  • Joy-Anna
    Joy-Anna Member Posts: 24
    edited February 2016

    This time is about you and don't forget that. This is you time for healing I would encourage you to get support through a close friend or friends or family (parent) or support group. Spend your time and energy getting your needs met by those who are able to give to you what you need. All you can do is pray for him but it would be helpful for you to find support in other areas of your life. For whatever reason he is unable to give you that what you need more then anything right now, but that doesn't mean you can't get it. I encourage you to seek out friends, family, support groups, church? Try not let him drain your healing loving energy my love. This is YOUR time and it's all about you right now. Don't you deserve to have it be your time right now? God bless you and keep you full of love and healing energy. I pray that you find a special friend or friends that will end up being Godsends to you. I also pray for your husband that he opens his eyes and heart so he can love you as you need to be right now. May you find comfort, peace and love tonight my sister. Xoxo hugs

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  • Joy-Anna
    Joy-Anna Member Posts: 24
    edited February 2016

    You haven't done any chemo yet?

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  • srqNCPA
    srqNCPA Member Posts: 2
    edited February 2016

    Thank you everyone for your supportive and encouraging words. in the last few days, this is what I have done:

    had the courage to speak with the PA at my PCP office about all these emotions and how to keep them intact......got some fabulous feedback

    - no more negatives.......Everyday I am writing one positive thing about the day, rather it be something I ate that was tasty, had a great conversation with a a person, found an awesome bargain, saw the most brightest moon ever.....what ever it is, I list it

    - I am realizing for the first time in my life, I need to concentrate on me.....I need to be in a good place to take care of mez

    I finally had my oncology appts and they were tougher than I what I expected. Chemo starts in two weeks, 4 sessions, one every three weekl, then followed by radiation 5/wk for 6 wks. I also learned to day NO to my husband when I know he's not what I need for the the day....it's working so far. I am blessed to be in a make better place than others during there healing and I know a year from know, I will have a great words of encouragement to share.......thank you my friend and know angels are watching over us everyday


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