Double Mastectomy Grief and Emotions: What Can I Expect?

I've read here it hits some women really hard. I'd see a therapist before surgery if you think you will be one. Me, I was get rid of them, they're trying to kill me. I've never looked back.

I had a double mastectomy and no reconstruction!! I was 51 at the time, and my hubby and I decided no more surgeries, except for the hysterectomy!! I am 11 years out, and surprisingly, I have never been upset about it! Good luck with all decision making!!!

I think it is healthy to have some type of personal goodbye ceremony. We took pictures and even did a bust of my bust from the plaster of Paris kits you can get at Hobby Lobby. Later I tossed it in case the kids came across it when cleaning out the house someday! I did tell my perfectly healthy left breast "sorry buddy, you have to take one for the team". It all sounds crazy now but was very cathartic.

I had a lumpectomy with dirty margins. It was my fourth biopsy. I had told the surgeon if it came back cancer I wanted to have a double mast. I got it 6 days later! I've never looked back, and I've stayed flat. I have no "shame" about walking around flat, in fact, I look slimmer though I weigh a lot! My breasts used to enter the room before me, even after a reduction. I'm so glad to have the weight off my neck and back.

I don't wear a bra or prothesis or have recon. I do make sure that whatever I wear against my skin is sooooft. In fact, sometimes I feel very, very sexy/naughty by having a bare chest under my clothes. My grandkids are growing up with me like that so it's normal to them. My first grandson, at about 2 1/2, while on my lap sat up and reached back and sort of felt my chest then turned back and cuddled up. My daughter said I can hold my grands closer to my heart this way. Another grandson on my lap poked my belly and asked if I had a baby in there. I told him that was a very good question (for a 4-year old), but sadly no, NaNa didn't have a baby in there.

I've done the Survivor Lap at the Relay for Life 4 times and wear my snug t-shirt with pride. I like to walk past all those ladies dancing around in pink frilly bras over their t-shirts and watch the "penny drop" when they realize what breast cancer really is.

Everyone once in a while I will dream about my breasts and how sexy they were. I asked my surgeon where those wonderful nerves that used to be attached to my nipples went. He told me to have fun looking for them....

The only time I cried was when I had to climb onto the operating table. The staff were surprised....like, duh!

I had to get an excision revision a couple of months later for excess skin and was telling the surgical team how well I was doing. I had just said "breasts aren't very important after all" when another doctor entered the room and said "breasts are VERY important"! They slapped the gas over my face before I could start laughing. I'm sure he got shit from the team for such a stupid remark. LOL

Oh crap Barbe. Just saw your signature and that you are now stage iv. Good heavens. I'm so sorry.

And FYI I still get a "nipple erect" feeling when cold and the "let-down" feeling like when I was nursing! So something is still there...but where is the sexy part?