Thinking Positively

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Becs511
Becs511 Member Posts: 303

I have been having a lot of negative thoughts lately, especially since I am most likely facing progression (thankfully the new site appears to remain just in my breast right now). My thoughts have started to manifest into depression and my attitude is impacting the way I interact with others. To try and switch gears, my new years resolution has been to try and come up with the following each and every day:

1) One thing that somebody did for me (or somebody else) that made me (or that person) happy

2) One thing I did that made somebody else happy

3) One thing I did that made myself happy

Although only 13 days in to the year, I think focusing on these things each day has started to help. I am going to try and not reuse the same things within a week. For example, if the thing that made me happy was to just sit on my couch in my PJs and watch TV on a Tuesday, I cant use it again on Saturday. It will force me to really think and not become lazy with it.

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  • Becs511
    Becs511 Member Posts: 303
    edited January 2016

    So here are my things for yesterday:

    1) One thing that somebody did for me (or somebody else) that made me (or that person) happy- A coworker sent me a well-thought suggestion for places to stay in Disneyworld. My father is taking me on a father/daughter trip there in May for my 35th birthday

    2) One thing I did that made somebody else happy- I went to Starbucks and suprised a friend from work with her favorite drink

    3) One thing I did that made myself happy- I went after to work to visit my brother, sister-in-law and 9 month old nephew. Hanging with my little buddy also puts a HUGE smile on my face.

  • Tina2
    Tina2 Member Posts: 2,943
    edited January 2016

    Becs511,

    Proactive and inventive! I like your approach to steering thoughts in a positive direction.

    Tina

  • diana50
    diana50 Member Posts: 2,134
    edited January 2016

    great thread

    1. One thing someone did for me

    My sister sent me long email encouraging me to "hang in there" as I started my 4th cycle of gemzar. Telling me how strong and such an inspiration to her and to others. She said " I know treatment feels like a job but your payment is your life".

    2. What I did for others

    I take time to encourage people at cancer center to hang in there. Affirm how how it is. I hold their hands sometimes.

    3. What I did to make myself happy.

    Ordered a pizza with everything on it after gemzar infusion. (With steroid on board ) picked it up after chemo and went home and ate three slices. Yum. It's the small things but it felt like a treat. Yes it did. 👍

    It's hard being on chemo every week. It's hard knowing you have a scan coming up in two months so see if tx is working. It's hard hearing about our met sisters dying. But we are still alive. And every morning I thank God for another day. I try to live my life with gratitude. It's hard. But we are each doing it right now.

    imageAnd the mountains have snow in the desert.

    Hugs to all.

  • diana50
    diana50 Member Posts: 2,134
    edited January 2016

    Always remember this.

    We have more healthy cells in our bodies then cancer cells. They are more powerful then the cancer cells and treatment takes out the cancer cells.

    Diana

  • MusicLover
    MusicLover Member Posts: 4,225
    edited January 2016

    Thank you for posting this. You may be one of the youngest here in this situation but probably one of the most wisest. Love to you.

  • intothewoods
    intothewoods Member Posts: 449
    edited January 2016

    Wonderful post! Thank you!

    I always do better when I end the day mentally listing all the things I am grateful for and when I am feeling bad about my job, if I stop to think about some small thing I did that was of service to someone that helps. And just this past week when I found myself wallowing in  depression I committed to getting a weekly massage to help deal with my stress level. 

  • LindaE54
    LindaE54 Member Posts: 2,054
    edited January 2016

    You girls are giving me a kick in the butt! Thank you. Will follow your example, I think I needed to read this.

  • JeninMichigan
    JeninMichigan Member Posts: 2,974
    edited January 2016

    Love it Becs. I truly think looking for the positive helps. It may not change the course of life but it certainly makes the trip more enjoyable

    Yesterday, my trainer sent me home after workout with a bowl of a wonderful homemade soup she made. After a full day at work and training, it was 8:00 PM and how nice to have a homemade little dinner sent home. This made me happy.

    When I got home, my 16 year old was eating chips which she called dinner. I gave her my soup to eat and that made her incredibly happy. (I was happy and sad about it ... cuz darn I realy wanted that soup).

    Yesterday morning before work, I woke up a half hour early and instead of rushing off to get to work early, I cuddled up on the couch with my doggie and a cup of coffee and surfed Facebok for a half hour. This made me happy happy happy.

    Look for good even though somed ays that search may be more difficult.

    Jen

  • jobur
    jobur Member Posts: 726
    edited January 2016

    Becs, Wow, you have given yourself (and us) quite a challenge! Thank you for the wonderful idea.

    1) Got pms from 2 of my friends here on the forum (you know who you are, ha ha!)

    2) Managed to get a clear picture of a serial plate on DHs old snowmobile so he could register it.

    3) Read your post! (Cheating,.. but only a little)

    You're just the best Becs!

  • Shutterbug73
    Shutterbug73 Member Posts: 791
    edited January 2016

    Becs, this is a great thread! I truly believe in counting your blessings and being thankful, especially in difficult circumstances. I've been in all day work meetings for 3 days (where no one is happy!), but I'll give it a try...

    1) One thing that somebody did for me (or somebody else) that made me (or that person) happy: My husband sent me a text (which I read during my day-long meeting) that said "I'm listening to a song that reminds me of you...How sweet it is to be loved by you."

    2) One thing I did that made somebody else happy: My co-worker dropped half her bagel on the floor, so I gave her mine.

    3) One thing I did that made myself happy: Traded that half a bagel in for half a bear-claw doughnut!

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited January 2016

    Becs,

    This is wonderful! Being positive may not cure our bc, but it sure makes life a heck of a lot more pleasant.

    One thing somebody did for me: The clerk in the DMV (not a fun place to go), straightened out the mess that another DMV branch had made of my car registration. She was pleasant, patient and fast.

    One thing I did for someone else: I filled out a compliment form for said clerk. She really deserved it !!

    Something I did for myself: when I got home, on this wet, cool day, I made myself a nice cup of tea and sat down to check on bco.

    Caryn

  • Becs511
    Becs511 Member Posts: 303
    edited January 2016

    Thanks everyone! I truly think that focusing on the small every day positive things in our lives (instead of just the major big picture ones) can impact our overall well-being. So here is my list for today:

    1) One thing that somebody did for me (or somebody else) that made me (or that person) happy: Reading all of your comments about this resolution made me very happy!

    2) One thing I did that made somebody else happy: Posting this thread and starting this conversation going (hopefully)

    3) One thing I did that made myself happy: Instead of taking the super crowded subway, I splurged on a taxi home from work. That little luxury was worth every penny!

  • artistatheart
    artistatheart Member Posts: 2,176
    edited January 2016

    Yes thank you Becs! I just read about a dear sister here who lost her battle and I felt myself slipping down the rabbit hole. This was a fast pick me up and just what I needed to pull myself out. 1. What someone did for me that made me happy. Brought me a new book to start so I didn't have to go to the library or go buy another. 2. One thing I did to make someone else happy. Did some computer entry stuff for a coworker so she could go home early to her sick son. 3. One thing I did to make myself happy. Ate some yummy marshmellows......LOL!

  • Sue2009
    Sue2009 Member Posts: 228
    edited January 2016

    like this thread a lot. (1) 19 yr old son helped me w/ grocery shopping. (2) I completed 4 loads of laundry, still have at least a dozen to go. Family of 3 males still at home appreciate clean socks & underwear (3) reading a great book about life of David called The Secret Cord, highly recommend . Know it must be difficult for u guys during these dreary winter months,I get down when I don't see dun after a couple of days

  • Teakie88
    Teakie88 Member Posts: 226
    edited January 2016

    I think this thread was an "eye opener" for me as I don't think we realize on a daily basis influences we have on others and vice versa. It has made me become more aware of my surroundings and interactions with others. Yesterday, What I did for someone else--I stood in line at my local Kroger store, waiting behind a young mother who had a WIC coupon for baby food. Something was screwy about how much baby food she was supposed to get versus what she actually ended up with. Long and short of it, my wait was somewhere around ten minutes or longer before my checkout started, and I waited patiently while the young mother went back to the shelves to find cheaper food. None could be found so cashier had to spend considerable time taking baby food purchases off her ticket. I could physically see that this delay caused the cashier stress as she knew this situation was "holding up" the checkout line. What someone did for me--when it was my turn for checkout with that cashier, she apologized to me profusely and was embarrassed by the delay. What that cashier may not have realized was that she reinforced within me to be patient in life and not "blow up" when situations like this occur. I told her that it was okay because maybe something like that with a food item could have happened to me, and i would hope someone behind me in line would be as kind. Life is too short, and we always think we're so busy that we don't have an extra minute anywhere to be patient about. It was kind of an "epiphany" to me, and i believe will help to make me a better person. That cashier will probably never know what she did for me. What I did for myself--bought some BBQ chicken at Kroger, which I enjoyed immensely, talked to my son at length on the phone (which I also enjoyed immensely), and watched Gone With the Wind for the umpteenth time, which I also enjoyed immensely! May we all continue on this thread and realize how important we all are to each other in the "Circle of Life". Ann

  • artistatheart
    artistatheart Member Posts: 2,176
    edited January 2016

    Hahaha Ann! i watched Gone with the Wind for the umpteenth time too!

  • Teakie88
    Teakie88 Member Posts: 226
    edited January 2016

    artistatheart: Seems like no matter how many times I watch it, there's always something in it new that I didn't catch before. It's such a classic! Ann

  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited January 2016

    More GWTW fans! I'm definitely in the 20+ club for watching it. I have also read it numerous times, once, in Italian (Via Col Vento).

  • Aoibheann
    Aoibheann Member Posts: 555
    edited January 2016

    This is such a great idea. I forget to be grateful for the good things in my life...

    What I did for someone. My b-i-l called unexpectedly and I made him lunch. He was delighted as he was hungry but didn't expect anything more than a cup of tea.

    What someone did for me. One of my friends made me a delicious apple pie. I don't bake much these days so this was a lovely treat.

    What I did for myself. I ate three luscious chocolates from my secret stash tonight. Mmh there is a theme here..

  • Rosieo
    Rosieo Member Posts: 262
    edited January 2016

    Becs

    What a wonderful post. I really need positive.

    Thank you so much

    Rosieo

  • artistatheart
    artistatheart Member Posts: 2,176
    edited January 2016

    Teakie, ME TOO! Always some little nuance I didn't catch! Caryn, I have to say I am a general classic movie fan in general, mostly the ones about mansions and ladies with cigarette holders and crazy little hats. The speech and manners back then are fascinating to me. How you ever seen "The Heiress" with Olivia DeHaviland? Sooooo good! So today What I did for someone else: Wrapped up the classic DVD's i no longer watch (Musicals mostly) and packed them off to my sister who LOVES the singing and dancing parts. What someone did for me: My longest and dear friend came up from the valley and took me to lunch and to the local thrift shop for some treasure hunting. What I did for myself: Took out some art paper and pencils and got lost in doing a drawing. Have a great weekend ladies!

  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited January 2016

    I well remember reading GWTW when I was in the 8th grade; all 864 pages. I was so proud carrying that thick book around school to read in study hall! Saw the movie at the theater two years later when I was 16, oh my, the tears I cried even tho I knew the story. I tune in to parts of it when it's on TV, the other night I watched it for awhile when Mellie was having the baby and Atlanta was being burned. Fabulous, fabulous movie. Such a perfect story, I chose not to read the sequel that came out years later, or see the movie made of it.

    A bit of trivia...I live about 30 minutes from Cadiz, Ohio where Clark Gable was born; they have a small Gable house/museum that I've never visited but should get around to one of these days.

    This is a nice thread, It's good to remind ourselves daily about nice things that have been done for us, what we've done nicely for someone else and for ourselves.

  • Teakie88
    Teakie88 Member Posts: 226
    edited January 2016

    Divine: I remember reading GWTW myself when I was young. It was one of those books that for me had parts in it where I couldn't put it down, and then i would hit spots that I thought dragged on forever as far as too much detail. i remember going to see it with my grandfather at the Grand Theater in the town where I was raised not far from where I am now. I was so in awe of the movie on the big screen and most impressed with the Intermission music. i thought that was WAY COOL! You should really make it a point to go visit Gable's Museum--sounds very interesting, and you're so close! If you go, let us all know how it was. Ann

  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2016

    I like this Becs!

    1) A BC sista reminded me that once I get NED in da head, I can work on harvesting some egglets so DH and I can still have a family (got my period back between chemo and Zoladex). It was a nice reminder that there's still hope after a Stage IV Dx.

    2) I wrote my uncle, who has prostate cancer, a handwritten note, thanking him for "getting it" and being in my corner.

    3) This wasn't my favorite way to make myself happy, but it was nessecary. My husband and mom have been freaking out on me about when I'm going to have my crainantomy, and I know it's from a good place because they want to make plans to take care of me...but I let them know that I am on top of the scheduling, I will let them know the minute I hear, and I have enough to deal with taking care of myself without having to take care of everyone else. It was a reminder to me just how strong I have become

  • artistatheart
    artistatheart Member Posts: 2,176
    edited January 2016

    Divine, I read that in Jr high school and was pretty impressed with myself for reading such a large book! I did not see the movie until years later. I did read the sequel Scarlett and it was actually pretty good....What I did for someone else today? Oooh'd and AAAhhh'd over my prior BFF's new granddaughter in the middle of Costco even though she has basically dropped me like a hot cancer patient potato. What someone did for me: DH is making me a nice salmon, brocolli and pineapple dinner. What I did for myself: Bought some new snowshoes so I can get back some fitness in my life!

  • singlemom1
    singlemom1 Member Posts: 434
    edited January 2016

    Hi all,

    great thread. Did for someone else- offered to stop by and pick something up for friend who threw her back out.

    Someone did for me- friend sobbed WITH me when I called her in a very bad state. Had just been working on Will with attorney and had to discuss and make many decisions around 10 year old daughter who does not have a father. More painful than I could ever of imagined.

    What I did for myself- got a massage/reiki session. Bought myself some new boots at a great price!


  • artistatheart
    artistatheart Member Posts: 2,176
    edited January 2016

    singlemom, I will need to sob and get a massage after I do my will too....That must have been gut wrenching and I acutely feel your pain. Go out and show off those new boots!

  • spicypetunia
    spicypetunia Member Posts: 83
    edited January 2016

    love the no repeats w/in a week! great way to us 'honest' ;)

    great idea Becs!! I like that these are very specific! been doing kinda similar & it's as helpful now as it was at the start. I need to do it at same time each day or not consistent. so, before sleep we each list 3 things from the day that fits any of these: grateful for/made me happy/proud of myself for....

    things are scarier, so recently added: 2 things the other did that: I liked/found helpful/made me happy.... it's nice to get & give recognition & it's been enlightening for both of us. who knew he liked that I.... ;) I do it w/ my Mom/others when away from home.

    at first, dh just barely 'went along', now he starts it off each night. sooooo nice to end the day on a positive note.

    here goes:

    1) One thing that somebody did for me that made me happy: neighbor invited me to join her walk. walking really helps me mentally & physically but I struggle to go w/o the dog (moved her to my parents' 'till things settle-down).

    2) One thing I did that made somebody else happy: stopped to move a volleyball-sized, dislodged chuck of concrete from the middle of a road. more of a random-act-of-kindness, but I think it counts?

    3) One thing I did that made myself happy: went through w/ the walk - really wanted to cancel (rough-ish start this a.m.) but it felt great!

    another technique I use -- adapted from a great book: Mayo Clinic Handbook for Happiness -- give each day a 'theme' & try to apply it to others, self & situations - monday - gratitude tuesday - compassion wednesday - acceptance thursday - purpose/meaning friday - forgiveness saturday - celebration sunday - reflection

    negative self-talk is more toxic than I ever realized. curbing it has dramatically reduced spinning thoughts & lessened time spent in 'dark places'

  • DivineMrsM
    DivineMrsM Member Posts: 9,620
    edited January 2016

    Spicey, I say yes, #2 counts, I'd be very glad not to be run over that chunk of concrete!

    What someone did for me that made me happy: dh got the empty ink cartridge unjammed in the printer and replaced it with a new one so I could print something out.

    What I did for someone else to make them happy: wiped out a drawer bin and took it out to the garage where we're making a bed for the outdoor cat that adopted dh so that dh didn't have to do it.

    What I did for myself today: tidied up the house early in the day so I could read and relax in the afternoon.

  • lulubee
    lulubee Member Posts: 1,493
    edited January 2016

    Ooooh, I love this! Thanks for starting it!

    1) One thing that somebody did for me (or somebody else) that made me (or that person) happy

    My daughter dropped by with my one-and-only grandbaby and stayed for a long visit while the baby took her morning nap. She is so busy these days with her family, and I feel unspeakable gratitude for the time she carved out for me today. She is a deep, literate thinker with a beautiful mind, and I would rather have a long conversation with her than eat cake and ice cream.

    2) One thing I did that made somebody else happy

    I set aside time to support and encourage a beloved cousin who is struggling to help her seriously depressed teenage daughter.

    3) One thing I did that made myself happy

    Stayed with my big new year's project to re-create a home studio for myself. Today I continued to plow through a gathered mountain of assorted boxes and files, to weed out, throw away, file, organize, beautify. It's taken me way too long to get up the oomph to do this, and it feels like a true gift to myself. Still a long way to go, but I'm getting there.

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