Do you get over the fear of reoccurrence ?

I do not fear a reoccurance. I fought (and won already) and am ready to fight again IF I need to. There are no guarantees in life for another day/hour/second. I will live every second I am blessed to have to the best I can. We may not be 'here tomorrow' and 'life is fragile'. There is a fact - none of us will be 'here' forever and BC has nothing to do with how most of life on this planet ends.

Its up to you, where you choose to put yourself in LIVING your life.

( Who/what is a 'Holley Kitchen'?)

Marie,

I am almost three years out and have not gotten over the fear of recurrence, even had it recur last September. I'm stable now but still it's in my daily thoughts and nightly prayers. I hate what cancer has done (or I have let it do) to my sense of well-being. I hate what it's done to my grown children's security, but it's out of my hands. I really wish there was a way to push back my fears and forget I have cancer. If you find a way, please let us know.

Amy

I worked hard to push away the fear and adopt the doctors' stance that I wasn't in danger. I think their minimizing my fear was a bad thing, because it added a sense of betrayal to the grief of going stage iv. Maybe it would have been better to fully face the fear and learn to live better with uncertainty from the start. Strangely, I think I am calmer now that the shoe has dropped.

Life is fragile. Acknowledge the fear and talk honestly about it, but don't lose today worrying about tomorrow, when worrying won't change anything. If the worst happens, you will summon strength and find support to deal with it. For now, carpe diem. Actually, always carpe diem.

Seems like there have been several celebrity cancer deaths recently and that has been getting to me. These people have more money and access than I will ever have but still they can't outrun the beast. I'm a worry wort by nature and in that respect I'm handling it better than I would have expected. I think about it but I haven't had much anxiety since the beginning. I was just telling my psychologist on Monday that I don't think I will ever feel safe again. She told me most of her clients get to a place where they can go a number of days without thinking about it, but that no, it never really goes away. Sometimes I wish I was better at denial.

I don't exactly *fear* it. I know it might happen, and I sincerely hope it doesn't, and any new and weird symptom will give me a momentary jolt, but I'm actually kind of back to how I was before BC in that I shrug it off pretty quickly. That said, if I had some symptom that really did point toward a possible recurrence or mets, I'd probably fall right back down the rabbit hole again. But so long as stuff can be explained away as a femara side effect and/or goes away pretty quickly or is intermittent, no, I'm not really afraid.

Someone said this week has spiked cancer anxiety, as so many people have been lost including a couple of ladies on the boards here, it is certainly the case for me. I thought I was doing ok emotionally, getting back on track, pushing the reality out of my mind, but now I feel floored.

Torment is right, Meow. My mum (who lives in Spain - we are in the US) was just saying today about not seeing her Grandchildren grow up - my eldest turned 13 yesterday. She wasn't laying on the guilt merely mentioning that she is not at the beginning of her life (she's 68 this year). This is in combination with a conversation about us moving to the East Coast, possibly, in the future..... I got really choked up for several reasons, mainly that yes, I now truly understand that we are not here for an eternity. I thought I had the world at my feet at 41 - happy, healthy, vibrant and carefree, and now my luster has dulled, my spirit somewhat deflated and my hearts in fear, especially for my children. Sometimes it seems I am spending my days waiting for the other shoe to drop! I hope that time really does 'cure'.....I'll be waiting.

To the original question posted....especially after a recurrence has happened...no. The fear never goes away. It's like the last three and a half years I sat waiting to fall through the cracks of my "it's probably not coming back - odds of 15 - 20%". I am an optimist, but would swear there are things I can just sense. It's why I only did partial reconstruction. Its why I examined myself so closely and (so pissed off at my oncologist) that I caught the damn recurrence. Not him who I'd seen just weeks before.

The last 3 and a half years I have had moments of peace, clarity, but also urgency. Remodel the damn house. Get my son started off in school, sports and really start what I hope are healthy and good study habits. At least get his trajectory going the right way...just in case. Now that it is back (local/regional - surgery next week followed by rads) I am hoping for another 2 - 3 years to get even a little further down the line and enjoy time with my family and most important to me, accomplishing or making great gains in things I want to see, do, and ensure happen if/after I'm gone. Sorry if this is a little of a downer, just adapting to reality and also maybe to the colder side of things - not unlike how soldiers, police officers, first responders etc...others who constantly have to walk down dangerous and unknown perils. And so I send you out as sheep among wolves...be as wise as serpents, gentle as doves. For nights, there's ambien. There are many days when I didn't think about it for hours and hours but for me, it's always there. I don't think I want to ever let it go completely (the fear) because in a way it keeps me sharp and spurs me to do some things, ok many things I would have put off or been more conservative as my former self. That is one thing that makes you better after / with this disease. You don't go walking around oblivious to the fact that no one is promised tomorrow and the hardships that fellow men and women could be going through right in front of you and you never know it. The fear makes me humble but sharp if that makes sense....probably not

hi

I had a lumpectomy 18 years ago and last week it returned same breast but very small ,they have suggested Mastectomy ,my biggest fear is the GA as I have COPD brought on by radiotherapy 17 years ago since then had phneumonia very poorly ,then hear murmur , I could go through with a local but nobody will hear if that !!!!

Isn't it odd the shock of my cancer returning ,didn't nothing to stop me worrying more about a GA

Anyone been through the same fear and cone out the other side , it better still found a aneathologist willing to do local

Thank you out there

I hope every one of you on this post are able to find some peace of mind. How can anyone who hears those words, "You have breast cancer," ever get to a point where recurrence isn't on our minds. How can we not fear it when there is so much to love about being among the living?

I am neurotic by nature. If I have nothing to worry about that day, I'll find something to worry about. Here is what gets me through the ongoing thoughts of recurrence. I am fortunate that my Oncotype DX score is 12. The probability of distant recurrence in 10 years is 8%. It seems like the statistics/probabilities are really all we have, doesn't it? I would try to focus on any positives you have in your life right now. How do you feel today? Each day that goes by, especially after we hit that 5-year mark, decreases our likelihood of recurrence. I know these odds are not a perfect guarantee, but we've got to hold on to whatever we can to keep us sane, right?

For those remarkable women on this post who have experienced a recurrence, I hold positive thoughts for you. I also would like to know how you found out you had a recurrence. I have never had a scan. When I see my breast surgeon, she feels my armpits, incision sites, and neck area. If all feels "normal," she sends me on my way. My oncologist just asks how I'm doing on Arimidex.

Thank all of you for your posts. This is my first post on this discussion board, and reading about you all has been inspiring.

I'm having the hardest time dealing with my fears of it reoccurring. I'm lashing out at my husband and every little pain I get makes me automatically assume the worst. I've been cancer free for 2 yrs and 3 months. I thought that after treatment and surgery my life would go back to normal. Well my new "normal" is just as bad as having cancer. Does anyone have advice on how to stop being so angry?