I WANT MY MOJO BACK!

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited December 2015

    I think the images is a great idea. If you find something you can mentally latch onto, you can go there in your mind when needed. I have done this myself in the past and I, like you, Bekah, have been reluctant to have sex again. I read a passage on here about how it can be traumatic to be touched again after all our bodies have been put through. I think it is going to take some big effort our parts to get that part back. Bekah, can you you hire a cleaning service to just do a big clean so that you don't feel so overwhelmed? Also, maybe you don't have to go for outright porn, per se, but movies that have sexual content. I think my DH and I were watching the Wolf of Wall Street and we didn't make it to the end. :)

    Also, I heard a doctor on doctor radio who specializes in menopause and she is also venturing into cancer related menopause. She mentioned an organization that she belongs to and I am going to get a new OB anyway so I wanted to see if I could find someone who was a member of that organization. I will keep you posted. I am also interested in finding out more about that Mona Lisa thing. I know that in general, sometimes sex was something you didn't really want to do and once you did it, you were glad you did. I think after not having it in a while, it is going to be a much harder horse to climb back on but we have to be determined, IMO.

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  • rleepac
    rleepac Member Posts: 755
    edited December 2015

    Thanks Allison. I just signed on to Tumblr but I have no idea how to use it. What would I search for? Any recommendations?

    A cleaning service sounds like a dream. I might just break down and do that. I can't stand to see everything that needs to be done

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited December 2015

    I have no experience with Tumblr so I can't advise you there.

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  • marilyn7
    marilyn7 Member Posts: 86
    edited December 2015

    I haven't been on this site in ages, forgot how great it is. So I finally broke down and got a prescription for Estrace today. My MO told me I should wait until after my 5 years of Anastrozole trmt was finished. That happened October 1st. I was silently hoping the dryness would get better but not such luck. I've been using Replens with little effect. So I'll try the Estrace and see what happens. But also interested in the Coconut Oil. Also thought about a dildo. I'm not sexually involved right now (separated for 3 years). But I can't really start dating and then drop the bomb "oh BTW, my vagina doesn't work". wish me luck

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  • amylsp
    amylsp Member Posts: 188
    edited December 2015

    Bekah, I sent you a PM. Are we allowed to post links here? http://crazykissing.tumblr.com/archive is a good possible starting point with mostly wholesome images, and an occasional image that is more graphic. Links to other blogs are below each of the pics.

    Just a heads up, there is kissing, nudity and some depictions of sex at this link. :)

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  • rleepac
    rleepac Member Posts: 755
    edited December 2015

    Thank you amylsp

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited December 2015

    Good luck, Marilyn!

    Personally, I think it's more than just a dryness issue. I think the skin on the vagina (at least in my case) feels different. I feel like all the lube in the world won't help that.

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  • lago
    lago Member Posts: 17,186
    edited January 2016

    rleepac I'm not one to get stimulated by watching other's have sex. That's just me. But you may need to consider a vibrator to gradually get things going again. You know "If you don't use it you lose it" so gradually increase your activity.

    Housecleaning. Don't worry about it. The dust and dirt will still be there when you finally feel up to cleaning. This isn't important. Don't try to clean the entire home. Do a small project at a time. Clean house is overrated.


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  • ang7894
    ang7894 Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2016

    I have a problem of staying um lubricated during sex it dried up twice with in minutes of inserting coconut oil.

    not very great when u have to stop cause your hurting and dried up.

    Any info on what to do please let me know I am not on tamox or any other Al at all should be but I quiet 2 1/2 years into taking tamox.

    I am triple positive so is there anything else I can take or do. ? The doctor gave me Estring cream BUT that is when I was taking tamox

    with no blocker I don't think I can use that .

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  • ShetlandPony
    ShetlandPony Member Posts: 4,924
    edited January 2016

    Ang, I have found that a silicone lubricant like Astroglide X stays slippery longer than other kinds. (There are different Astroglide products, so make sure it is the X one.)

    Still use a moisturizer regularly, then use the silicone during sex.

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  • lago
    lago Member Posts: 17,186
    edited January 2016

    I too like Astroglide.

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  • ang7894
    ang7894 Member Posts: 540
    edited January 2016

    Thank you Ladies, I will look into that

    Smile

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  • chicopeach57
    chicopeach57 Member Posts: 166
    edited January 2016

    I like Platinum Wet

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  • furiosa
    furiosa Member Posts: 42
    edited January 2016

    An alternative to images is erotic/sexual stories. Literotica (www.literotica.com) is a good, free source of stories with a broad range of topics and focuses. The stories wary widely in quality, tone, respectfulness, etc., but that means there's a better chance of finding something you like. Also yes to a vibrator. I think every woman, cancer or no, should have a vibrator or three!

    I think coconut oil works best as a moisturizer (maintenance) rather than a lubricant (for during sex).

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  • littleblueflowers
    littleblueflowers Member Posts: 2,000
    edited January 2016

    Can I join in on the "sex does nothing for me" band wagon? Literotica is a great site, and it helps me achieve orgasm using a vibrator, but somehow it doesn't translate over to partner sex. Can anyone recommend a good paraben free lube? I am already using coconut oil. Thanks!!!

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  • flaviarose
    flaviarose Member Posts: 442
    edited January 2016

    Sliquid Organics is a paraben free lube. Works very well.

    My story: while I don't have much of a libido any more, and am plagued vaginal dryness, I do have sex almost every day. My husband is really into it, and I mostly go along and it is ok. I think that I get enough use down there it keeps the tissues functioning. My problem however is that I no longer want my breasts touched, at all, ever. My poor husband is really really into boobs and it is very hard for him that I constantly deny him access to them :-(

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited February 2016

    Hi All,

    We've gone through a lot (not all) of the pages on this topic, and tried to compile your suggestions.

    Do you feel that this is a complete list of what has been discussed here? Please help us make a comprehensive list of your ideas!


    Member suggestions for helping the libido:

    Watch romantic movie or soft-porn on Netflix

    Romantic music

    Watch porn or visit short videos on Tumblr, YouTube, or other internet site

    A little wine, or other substance to help relax (e.g. medical marijuana)

    Sexual photos

    Massage and massage oils

    Literotica: Erotic/sexual stories as an alternative to images

    Super sexy lingerie or fun clothing

    Have partner practice foreplay and/or oral sex

    Practice masturbation on a regular basis

    Mindfulness, i.e. focus on what your five senses are experiencing in the moment --To keep your thoughts from dwelling on cancer and scars


    Member suggestions to improve vaginal moisture:

    Coconut oil works best as a moisturizer (freeze small balls to make suppositories)

    Vitamin E suppositories

    Almond oil

    Replens long-lasting moisturizer

    Luvena vaginal moisturizer

    Shea butter melted into olive oil at a 2:1 ratio

    Cocoa butter

    Olive oil

    Gynatrof gel

    DHEA vaginal suppositories

    Tip to use an applicator to insert moisturizers and apply a few times a week.


    Member suggestion for lubrication during sexual activity:

    Astroglide Natural (free from glycerin, fragrance, flavorings, and hormones)

    Slippery Stuff (free from glycerin and parabens)

    K-Y warming Jelly

    K-Y Sensual Silk Liquid (paraben-free)

    K-Y Ultragel (paraben-free)

    Astroglide, X (silicone-based)

    Platinum Wet (silicone-based)

    Replens silky smooth lubricant (silicone-based)

    Sliquid natural lubricants (free from DEA, gluten, glycerine, glycerol, parabens, PEG, propylene glycol, sorbitol & sulphates)


    Additional member suggestion to reduce pain:

    Topical Lidocaine solution for use at the entrance of the vagina


    Member suggestion for sex toys:

    Vibrators (e.g. Hitachi Magic Wand, Pink Dot Vibe, Pocket Rocket, the Rabbit)

    Dildos for pleasure, to stretch the entrance, prevent vaginal atrophy and strengthen muscles


    Member suggestion for estrogen or hormone-based treatments

    (MUST discuss first with oncologists as not typically recommended for women who have had breast cancer)

    Vagifem® (estradiol vaginal tablets) inserts

    Testosterone patch or gel

    ESTRING® (estradiol vaginal ring)

    ESTRACE® CREAM (estradiol vaginal cream)

    Scream Cream - contains a combination of prescription and non-prescription components described as blood flow enhancers and vasodiolators to apply to your clitoris (adding here, as it contains a bit of Testosterone- 0.25mg per dose)


    Other member suggestions:

    Kegel exercises to strengthen pelvic muscles

    Pelvic physical therapy

    Dilators to stretch the skin in your vaginal area and re-train the pelvic floor muscles to relax

    Observe which antidepressant you take, and make necessary changes

    MonaLisa Touch: A minimally invasive laser treatment for vaginal rejuvenation.

    Easier if she "goes first".

    Regular activity is important to not lose the progress you've made.

    Read the book, COUPLES CONFRONTING CANCER: KEEPING YOUR RELATIONSHIP STRONG, by Fincammon & Bruss, published by the American Cancer Society.

    Share this thread with your husband/lover to create a new bond of intimacy, normalize what others are going through and open communication.

    Take a look at this resource: https://sexualityresources.com

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited February 2016

    Thanks, Mods! You are awesome!

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited February 2016

    Thanks, Trvler!!!

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  • ang7894
    ang7894 Member Posts: 540
    edited February 2016

    Peeeeeerfect Mods.

    Smile

    Thank u!

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  • kareenie
    kareenie Member Posts: 339
    edited February 2016

    Mods a few additions from this and other threads.

    (Moisturizer)

    Olive oil

    Gynatrof gel

    (Lube)

    KY jelly is the worst ~ not recommended.

    Slippery Stuff (glycerin free paraben free)

    (Other strategies)

    Pelvic physical therapy

    Dilators do not just stretch the skin they retrain the pelvic floor muscles to relax.

    PS Scream cream is not a hormonal intervention but does require a prescription.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited February 2016

    Thanks so much, kareenie!

    Because Scream cream contains a bit of Testosterone (Testosterone 0.25mg), among many other ingredients, we added it under hormonal, however, we could move it! Thanks for the other additions and changes. We will add them now to the list!

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  • kareenie
    kareenie Member Posts: 339
    edited February 2016

    True.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited February 2016

    we've seen K-Y warming jelly a number of times. Would you recommend we keep that ?

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  • kareenie
    kareenie Member Posts: 339
    edited February 2016

    Never tried it myself.

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  • amylsp
    amylsp Member Posts: 188
    edited February 2016

    What a great compilation of everyone's ideas and suggestions. Thanks so much!

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  • Suz-Q
    Suz-Q Member Posts: 205
    edited February 2016

    Wow! Nice list, Big Thank You!

    I wish there was a way to bookmark it for future reference.

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited February 2016

    Added the list to Mena's original post!


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  • BookLady1
    BookLady1 Member Posts: 253
    edited February 2016

    I

    Wow - this is a gift and just in time for Valentine's Day! Seriously, this is great. Thank you, Linda


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  • ShetlandPony
    ShetlandPony Member Posts: 4,924
    edited February 2016

    Great idea to compile these ideas, Mods! Here are a few possible additions.

    To add under Lubricants: KY Ultragel has no parabens and works pretty well. (Some other KY lubricants do have parabens or don't work as well.)

    To add under Libido or Other Suggestions : Romantic music OR Mindfulness, i.e. focus on what your five senses are experiencing in the moment --To keep your thoughts from dwelling on cancer and scars, which is a turn-off.

    To add under Other Suggestions: Easier if she "goes first"

    To add under Other Suggestions: Regular activity is important to not lose the progress you've made. Sort of "Use it or lose it".

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