Starting Chemo in December 2013

yes keeptf ! Had 4 mo follow up today with mo today which is also 2 (+1mo) yrs since lumpectomy surgery. Mo will continue to see me every 4-6 mo because there always seems to be something popping up. All looks good. Have had a few scares but all tests, scans etc turned up benign or nothing of concern. 2yrs is a good thing especially for tnbc ...butthree yrs is better and 5 yrs is golden! Virtual hugs and kisses to all of you! Keep checking in everyone

Happy to read of good tests and anniversaries and trips and life moving on. Yay!!!

Robin, your road sounds very bumpy. I'm so sorry! I do hope they are able to help you get the LE under control. I didn't have that issue, so I don't have anything to offer, but I do feel for you. And Kimie, with your aches and pains. YUK, it's emotionally exhausting to deal with chronic pain. I know there are others who mentioned pains and arthritis and lump scares. Hoping things get simpler and gentler with time.

Funny, the house is quiet tonight so I thought I'd catch up on some messages. I was just 3 or 4 in, and realized I was crying. Does anyone else get these unexpected rushes of emotion that feel like they come from nowhere?? I had a pinched nerve the other night and was up in awful pain in the middle of the night, stretching and crying in the bathroom and just wanting to be able to go back to bed and sleep - and all I could think was it feels just like chemo nights again. A few weeks ago my husband and I were leaving the theatre after seeing a movie, and I saw a woman struggling to get down the stairs while everyone walked around her. I had to choke back a sob that came from nowhere, because it came back how I couldn't get down the stairs after I saw a movie with my girls, and we had to wait for everyone else to leave so we didn't hold them up. Such powerful flashbacks some times, when other days it never crosses my mind. We always said we would never be the same, and I guess I am not.

I just spent nearly a year walking through cancer and then death with a dear friend. She was younger than me. Long days at clinical trials, late night visits at the hospital, a rebellious glass of wine once in a while, rubbing her hands with lotion every day because it was the only part of her body that didn't hurt her, the last 2 weeks in Hospice, feeding her ice chips, having those hard talks, and then anticipating Heaven with her, and finally she was on so much pain meds that she couldn't talk anymore. She died in August, and it's still fresh. I have voice mails from her that I can't bring myself to delete. The really, really unexpected side of it is that I'm actually less scared than I was. It's as if my unknown fear became a known fear, and it's easier for me to look at. I will do all the right things, and if it comes back, I will fight it with all my might. But cancer and even death are not my boogeyman anymore. Just working on contentment and gratitude, and putting the rest in Jesus' hands.

You guys will always be my heroes!

Mary

I have found a Central Florida thread on this site and we are all gathering for lunch next month! I am so excited to meet with everyone. It's been a long road, eh

Robin I will have to try and find that little group.

I just got my notice for my next mammo they told me at my last scare that they wanted to have another look in a few months I guess there is some calcification on my scar line that they want to watch, she was very nice in the fact that she stated over and over how normal this was and they do it all the time....I am sure she could see the fear of god in my face.

The girl I know with TNBC that has metastasized just took her little family to disney as a way to create memories, so awful my heart is broken.

Mary I know what you mean about emotions, you never know when its going to hit and then sometimes when I see something that should make me emotional I wonder if I am dead inside!! as its like it has no effect, so bizarre !!!!!

I am into my 2nd term in nursing so far so good, I am really enjoying it.

chat soon ladies

love to all

ChicoPeach...fuck cancer is right.

Are we all acutely aware of cancer now or is it truly EVERYWHERE???

So sorry for your daughters situation and constant exposure to this stupid curse

JB I think cancer has been all around us but now we are just so sensitized to it. Also now we know first hand the time and energy it takes to deal with a cancer diagnosis that we never could imagine before.

Peach. Sorry for your daughter's added stress.

A little good news, my little dog had an ultrasound on Monday and no growth of her bladder cancer. We are 17 months from Dx now. She is still a happy girl as I am.

Keep warm ladies.

So sorry Kim. I agree the club is too big.

The mother of a very close friend passed many years ago. She had received the all clear, no scans etc... 6 months later....liver mets...2 months after that, we said goodbye. Sucks that it hasn't changed.

agreed....CANCER sucks!

A dear friend of mines' 42 YO daughter has been fighting leukemia since Dec of 2014. She is nearing the end....two young boys. So heart-breaking.

Kim, I too have been struggling with my faith lately. I am guessing it is because my prayers seem unanswered. I know they are answered, but not in the manner I wanted. I have started adding "Thy will be done," in closing. It is to remind myself that there is a greater plan and it is not for me to decide or even particularly like. I hope I am able to fully believe, as I did through the beginning of my treatment. I never felt abandoned and felt like I was being guided. I am not sure when that changed, I am not comfortable with my questioning, but I believe there is a purpose for me, I just need to discover it.

I am sorry, I know you have been through so much loss. I hope you are able to find your way. We are here if you need us.

jbok - thank you. I never asked why me, like you, it was, why not me. If a child can get through it, who am I to complain.

When we found out Spirit had cancer, that is when my Jenga tower fell. Then to lose Lucy to it one year later, it was a slap on the other cheek. I am mixing my metaphors, but each one is an appropriate way to describe it.

I am not sure where I am headed. I am hoping it is forward and that one day I will be able to think about those I have lost, both 2 & 4 legged without a meltdown. It is something I am going to be working on with my counselor.

Ladies, thank you for sharing your stories. I'm so sorry to hear of all of the losses we have experienced. Having BC definitely opens our eyes to others' trials.

I come to this site often bc I never want to forget that I have BC. That may sound strange to some, but it keeps me grounded, gives me the perspective I need to appreciate things that I may otherwise take for granted. My feelings and reasons for coming here have changed drastically over the past two years, but it has always been a source of support and strength for me. I don't think the fear will ever go away and at times it's hard to find the balance between moving forward and being frozen in fear, but it seems to be getting easier. Thanks for always being there!

Hi girls. How is everyone. I'm doing great. I was a stay at home mom for 13 years and finally got a job. Best thing I ever did!!! I have a renewed self confidence, my family appreciates me now and I am happier than I have ever been. I am an office manager for an electrician company. I was pro active and put an add on Craigs list stating that I had no real experience, but an awesome demeanor It paid off. I have a check up next Friday with the oncologist. Usually I am a basket case with worry. This time I am a little excited. I have lost some weight and I'm meeting my best friend from high school after for lunch and shopping. I hope you all have a fantastic week end! Kathy.

Hi all,

I check so infrequently, but when I do, I always come to this board straightway to see how my girls are doing. All of us moving on, but cancer remains all around us it seems.

I haven't had a period in 2+ years (since round 2 of chemo), but started bleeding Sunday. Saw my GYN today, and she did not inspire confidence! This is the same GYN practice I've gone to for 10+ years. I liked the doc who delivered my 8 year old, but she left the practice a few years back, and since then I've seen other docs, none of whom I've felt great about. I've kind of stuck with the practice out of inertia plus the fact that they have my whole medical history.

Anyway, my new doc is young and just gave off a kind of panicked/inexperience feeling today. I'm sure you may have experienced this too, outside of oncologists who deal with cancer every day, I often encounter docs that seem flustered by the fact that I was diagnosed with BC at 42. Anyway, this doc is ordering tests, but was already talking about endometrial biopsy and possible hysterectomy, and I was like slow down! There is a chance that this is my cycle returning, can we just figure that out first? It really did not inspire confidence, also she changed her mind while speaking with me whether she wanted me to have a 2D ultrasound or a saline ultrasound or a D&C. I called my oncologist and asked for a referral to a GYN, got one but of course she has no appointments available till next month . . .

Anyway, going forward with the testing with the first doc in the meantime, but having flashbacks and hating being back in this world of testing, waiting, testing, waiting . . . ug.

Jodi, I'm curious - did you go forward with hysterectomy? Did they figure out why you are bleeding on Tamoxifen. I'm on Tam too. I also realized that I have been taking only half a dose for the past couple weeks. Apparently the wrong script was sent to my pharmacy for only 10mg instead of 20mg. Makes me wonder if that has anything to do with the bleeding.

Ach, well, the sun is out and it's a beautiful day here so I'm just going to focus on that for now!

we need to send up some prayers for Jodi, she's having a tuff time with a possible stage 4 recurrence..... FUUUCCCKKK !!!!!!

Jodi - stay strong, as hard as that is, I am sending up lots of prayers for you right now.

{{{Jodi}}} We are here if you need us!

Lisa, in your pocket for your surgery. The ovaries are a tough call, I agree with "one less opportunity," but I have read that it is still possible to get ovarian cancer after the ovaries are gone. Lovely huh?!