Too much stress

Options
Anonymous
Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
edited January 2016 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I emailed my onc and insisted on a brain scan due to some funky arm tingling/twitching issues. So that will probably be done this week. If it is mets, I will be so, so mad because I threw everything at it the first time around (see my signature) so I could live a long life and have babies and travel the world and grow old with my still newish husband. And then I feel guilty, like how did I get myself into this mess on the first place? Too much chocolate, too much BPA, not thorough enough on my BSEs?

My husband is frustrated with his job and is considering a job that would involve 75% travel. But he won't take it unless my brain scan is clear. The ppl who offered him the job haven't gotten back to him on any details, yet he's supposed to start on Thurs. so I do know if I can get my scan done in time but I'm skeptical this job is going to happen in this timeframe anyway.

Speaking of hubby, his father suffers from CHF, but he lives in a different country so there's a limit to what we can do to help. And no one seems to know anything about his condition except he took some pills. Beta blockers? Ace inhibitors? No one can tell me. I am trying to figure out how to skype with the doctor at his appt tomorrow.

My grandma is in end-stage COPD. I've had a complicated relationship with her. She treats me well but has treated my aunt, her sister and her niece badly. Plus, she hasn't taken good care of herself. After my dx, I held a lot of resentment that she got such a long life that she wasted so much of it when I was fighting to even make it to 30! Now that it is the end, I just feel guilty and sad. She's my last remaining grandparent

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • MusicLover
    MusicLover Member Posts: 4,225
    edited January 2016

    I pray that it is not mets but please do not have any guilt about any of the things that you mentioned.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited January 2016

    I also hope it is not mets. No guilt, because you can do everything in your power to prevent it, but roughly 30% of early stagers will, at some point, develop mets. You did nothing to cause it (if indeed you do have mets)

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2016

    I know the 30% but if I had caught it earlier could I have improved my chances? If I hadn't heated meals in cheap plastic, would I be in this mess in the first place

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2016

    My grandma died tonight

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MusicLover
    MusicLover Member Posts: 4,225
    edited January 2016

    I am so sorry about your Grandma. Please don't have any guilt about anything, it is just not worth it. I did that in the beginning and then I realized that this disease existed before plastics and all other manmade things. The medical/research people don't know why it happens. I have been afraid of this since I was very young and I have no family history but I still followed every guideline to prevent it from happening but yet here I am. In addition, if you read my profile line I had a tumor literally on my chest, it is hard to picture...but just like part of someone's breast becomes malignant that is what happened to me. So it was not noticeable and a mammogram would have never caught it. This all just sucks!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • exbrnxgrl
    exbrnxgrl Member Posts: 12,424
    edited January 2016

    My condolences on the passing of your grandmother. May she rest in peace.

    More small comforts... It is said that finding out about mets sooner, and treating them, does not increase overall survival. You simply know about it longer. Truly there is no regimen that will catch/prevent mets if they are going to happen. If there were, we wouldn't continue to have so many with mets. Be good to yourself

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • jcfree
    jcfree Member Posts: 105
    edited January 2016

    I am so sorry to hear of your grandmother's passing, may she be at peace. Sending healing prayers that your scan is good.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited January 2016

    I feel like I'm about to crack. I'm anxiously monitoring both mine and my husband's phones for news on schedulingmy scan or news on his dad. I'm fighting a panic attack and need to be functional to help my mom with the post death stuff. I popped a clonazapem but there's not enough in the world to get me through today

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories