Frightened and bewildered

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lawgirl51
lawgirl51 Member Posts: 3
edited January 2016 in Just Diagnosed

I was diagnosed December 15th and saw surgeon and nursing team on December 21. I go for surgery on January 7th to remove a lump that is over 2 cm and an invasive ductal carcinoma I go from feeling confident that I can beat this to being scared as hell and thinking "oh my god I have cancer, Im going to die." I am on my 3rd smoke free plus trying to give up my only source of caffeine "Pepsi" and I have strange questions like, should I be lying on right side or sleeping on my chest, will that pressure make the cancer spread more? Why did they ask me so many times if I had any pain, if pain has started after my appointment does that mean it is getting worse. In the book on breast cancer they gave me it has a chart showing stage ll as only 50-70% survival at 5 years, scared the hell out of me. I thought I would have the surgery do the chemo and radiation if necessary and then have an 85 or 90 % survival rate at 5 years. I am so scared that pain that I chalked up to sciatica in my hip and leg and shoulder pain that I thought was from sleeping with my arm under me will show up as cancer but of course I won't kn 2 weeks after surgery when I met with oncologist. Still hopeful that 2016 brings me better news.

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  • peacestrength
    peacestrength Member Posts: 690
    edited December 2015

    lawgirl--so sorry you are facing this. I have been there. You will know more once your surgery is completed. Until then, you may want to request anti-anxiety medication--I'm not trying to push medications but you are right in the middle of your diagnosis and may benefit from them. Hugs to you

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  • octogirl
    octogirl Member Posts: 2,804
    edited December 2015

    lawgirl51, sorry you have to be here....this time of waiting is the hardest part. In the meantime, I am not sure where those survival rates came from, but they are nowhere near as high as what I was told, as another Stage II sister with a 2.1 cm tumor. What book is it and how old is it? For that matter, they can't be sure of tumor size or stage until AFTER surgery...mine did change. What you've been given is an estimate, presumably, based on biopsy, ultrasound, MRI if you have had it.

    I had the surgery, chemo and am about a third through radiation (diagnosed in July). None of it is fun, but I am getting through it with a lot of support on these boards. You might want to come hang out on the 'lumpectomy lounge' thread for lots of support and helpful hints before your surgery (sounds like you are having a lumpectomy?). There is also a 'Stage II Sisters' thread that is very supportive.

    I will wish better news for you in the New Year also. In the meantime, hang in there. You can do this!

    Hugs!

    Octogirl

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  • lawgirl51
    lawgirl51 Member Posts: 3
    edited December 2015

    Thank you Peacestrength, I do take a low dosage of cipralox for anxiety already and have found if I bump it up I am even more exhausted than I have been lately.


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  • Eliz1973
    Eliz1973 Member Posts: 46
    edited December 2015

    lawgirl51,

    I was diagnosed nov. 12. I am 1 week, today, post op double mastectomy. One thing I have learned within the past few weeks is that every single situation is different. I stay away from statistics as much as I can. Keep your chin up! The waiting is the worst part. Stay positive. This is an emotional roller coaster and I am right in the middle of it with you! Talk to your Drs, ask lots of questions. Knowledge is power, statistics are just that. Just as you are unique in this world, your illness is too. Take this one day at a time, one hour at a time of you need too. There is not a "right" or " wrong" way to deal with this. I felt a sense of relief just getting a few answers and knowing a little more about what I'm fighting against

    Blessings your way,

    Elizabeth

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  • queenmomcat
    queenmomcat Member Posts: 3,039
    edited December 2015

    Sending you what calm I can--the maelstrom of diagnosis and determining your exact level is a nightmarish one. You will come out the other side. No, really. You will, one way or another.

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  • Kiks1
    Kiks1 Member Posts: 254
    edited December 2015

    Lawgirl, everyone here has given you great advice. We have all been there and some of us are still walking the same road. Does itget better, sigh, I didn't believe it would ever. Truth is, I was a xanax junkie till my treatment moved along and I got better information. At least I can breathe sometimes now. Do I still cry? Like a baby sometimes, but I no longer curl up in bed all day and am thankful for all the angels I meet along the way ( believe it or not, they appear from nowhere all the time). It redeems my faith in humankind. 

    I am a perpetual hypochondriac, and like you, I keep thinking my tumor was spreading faster by the minute. I know the wait is tremendously challenging and sometimes we get good news and other times some not so good ones. I have learnt though that our thoughts tend always to be worse than the actual news.

    Like Elizabeth, I had my bmx about a week ago and am still recovering. My us and mri showed that the tumor was a little over 2 cm. Found out after the surgery that it is smaller than was measured. My mri even showed an enlarged internal mammary node, I think I cried for 12 straight hours that day, but pet scans confirmed that it was negative. However, I still have much more to find out and like you am totally scared. But I am beginning to have more 'good' minutes in a day now and do not rely on xanax as much anymore.

    The support from this community has been my lifeline and never once has nobody reached out just to give you a hug. It has been my salvation. Keep breathing, have faith, pray, and may God grant you peace through this journey.

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  • Kiks1
    Kiks1 Member Posts: 254
    edited December 2015

    Oh yeah I forgot to tell you, I thought that every ache and pain  became more pronounced because I was convinced it must be the cancer. I even developed new ' symptoms' by the day. I posted on the stage 4 forum asking the kind ladies there for advice and comfort. Just about everything has resolved since I calm down. So, no, you are not the first to lose your mind. I still have many fears about spread and know that it will remain with me for a while. Praying for peace.

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  • ayr1016
    ayr1016 Member Posts: 228
    edited December 2015

    lawgirl51, I was just diagnosed as well. After I had the biopsy, I kept wondering "since they punctured it to take samples, will some of the cancer come out the puncture spot?" I had the biopsy Tues 22nd and have been so sore since. I look forward to following your journey and send you peaceful calm vibes today along with hope for the new year.

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  • lawgirl51
    lawgirl51 Member Posts: 3
    edited December 2015

    Thank you all for the kind and understanding words, thank you so much kayb for that statistic, it is one of the most re-assuring things that I have read in the past 48 hours. Thanks to Kiks1 too as you make me believe that I may not be losing it as much as I thought, it is comforting having someone else having the same thoughts. I am going to check out the lumpectomy and second stage sisters as well.

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  • swanseagirl
    swanseagirl Member Posts: 393
    edited January 2016

    Hi all

    Thinking of having a bmx. Would love to hear stories of how it went, good or bad. Would you do it again? Did you have one without a recon.

    Looking for advise and info.

    Thanks

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