My (perhaps controversial) thoughts as a "newbie" to CA.

Hi all--

It's now going on five a.m. and I was wondering why I'd set the clock so early--surgery's today--and then realized that it was because I was leaving myself plenty of time to make A NICE, NUTRITIOUS BREAKFAST.

Aye aye aye...

Thankfully, I caught myself in time.

Well, the boobs come off today.

A friend told me to take a selfie of them now, as a reminder. Hmmm.... I think I'll just refer back to a selfie I took back when I was doing black and white photography and developed my own photos, which meant I could take nudies if I wanted....tasteful,of course.

Am ready as I'll ever be. Pantaloon is bewildered by all my odd behavior--in bed by eight p.m., packing things, arranging the fresh flowers a wonderful friend sent me (Pantaloon's never seen a real flower before).

Bye for now!

t

Thanks, one and all... It's day two after surgery and am grappling--well, it's not that violent!--with drains. Just discovered that I'd attached a Pink Pocket upside-down, further testament to my wondrous sewing skills (or glueing skills, rather) or lack of them. And--ta da!--all that psyllium and cereal finally paid off! Only you guys would appreciate that, I think.

The soreness is ebbing. I've tried to hold back on the pain meds for the above reason. Had a hard time sleeping on the right side, not the ca side and not the side from which she took the sentinel node--which surprises me cause that's the one that wasn't ailing...I sleep on that right side so it was a sore (pun intended) moment when I shifted to it and right away pain, which immediately flipped me back over. I ended up on my left side.

I was really moving through those alcohol wipes and thankfully a friend had some on hand. They gave me a whole 200-count box of gloves but a skimpier bundle of wipes and you can go through them very speedily...

Overall, am so so so so glad this is over! The waiting was almost physically painful after awhile, surgery scheduled to happen at one happened closer to three. I got to watch that row of recliners in Outpatient empty and fill, empty and fill..they kept piling warm blankets on me as I think an a/c duct was right over my head, or at least that's how it felt.

My last food had been at eight Sunday night, so by mid-afternoon Monday I was already hankering for something...got fruit plate and crackers at--what?---four or five a.m..

They put a Jodee bra on me, with little detachable pockets to hold the drains--have come in handy. The bra is so tiny! And I'm literally squeezed into it. Could that be to stop swelling?

Well, am now doing some crafting of Christmas gifts--glad to have my mind and hands busy with something not to do with things medical.

Bye for now!

t

Hi all again--

The wipes are to wipe off the bulb tip and surrounding..and to swipe it down along the tubing to moisten---doesn't really work but instead grabs the tubing...ah, well....but the little tip can get a bit goopy.

We just had a fire alarm go off on our floor....Pantaloon hie-tailed it for under the bed, thoroughly confused as to how and why life has turned into a sideshow...poor Pantaloon!

Last night was one blessed nice night--at least in one sense. I got in the shower!! It took a lot of deliberate, slow movements but finally felt that cascading warm water and thought I was in heaven. Wow, I'll never take showers for granted again. It's been so unseasonably warm here and I was so sweaty....that Jodee bra was on so tight....and to take it off--bliss. I haven't put it back on but there's no swelling, at least so far. I don't think I could even wrangle it onto my body now.

They said to take the dressing off yesterday and let the air dry things but I didn't have the heart to push it and left it till today. It's as you may know this clear tape holding down a length of white gauze.

Today, off it came--by degrees.

And I got to behold The New Body.

Not too bad. All in all, not the scariest sight on earth.

Well, great day so far.

Then I chickened out.

I checked my emails and here's one from Hopkins with--the path report.

Ladies, I can't do it. I know it's the lymph node biopsy results but I can't do it--at least for the moment.

When i had the breast biopsy back on Nov 2 or so, they said results would be in between 3-5 days. Results came two days later.

They SAID the lymph biopsy results would be back in one week. And here they are--two days later.

In the first case it was rough news. Now what? Will the same thing happen---bad news? Yes, bad news means involvement.

I'm superstitious and think that it bodes not well.

So am gonna hold off till I'm feeling "pluckier" about it'd, pluckier meaning two fingers of vodka.

And since I'm taking pain pills I can't drink, right?

Have any of you faced this moment where you have (some) control over things-and opted out?

What's worse--the doc relaying, or email relaying?

At least the doc can exert some diplomacy/tact/sensitivity, etc--gradually feeding the truth out inch by inch.

Email'sl way: no "inching" about it.

I think I get this from my father, who used to (in financial tight times) when a bill came slice open the end of the envelope, then blow some air down into it, expanding it. Read the bill sideways.

Should I just gird my loins and do it? Or sidle into it as one would approach a rattler?

Wait a minute.

You don't "side" up to a rattlesnake.

You run the other way.

So you'll find me under the bed.

With Pantaloon.

That's so neat--the thought that nerves coming back are why the little zings......

I was poking around in a box of old photos and found one of me on the beach at about five years old...wearing one of those incredibly heavy wool bathing suits we wore back then...

How did they come to, uh, design those things, if design is the right word? Did some hotshot clothing manufacturer come up with the idea on his own or was it a team effort---a bunch of guys straining to conjure how to make something that was scratchy when dry, prickled the skin and weighed a ton when wet, retained sand in every crevice, took ten months to dry, and smelled like dirty underpants:

"Come on guys! We can do better than we've been doing! Little girls don't want ruffles and polka dots, cute fabrics and fun color combinations! They hate soft materials and whimsical shades! How about a bathing suit that will actually threaten to drown a kid?! That when she's out there frolicking in the waves, the thing would be so heavy it could carry her with to the bottom? How's THAT for different? And what about the lucky kid who comes to the beach with a case of poison ivy--aren't the other kids gonna envy her her suit that makes her scratch so hard she bleeds? Let's get busy! Design!"

I look so burdened in that photo, the black suit sagging so low in the bosom you can practically see my belly button.

I will be glad these drains are gone. How some gals deal with more than two boggles my mind...

It's funny but every now and then it's as if I have a cell phone on and it's vibrating. Is that perhaps the suction action going to work? It's faint but very pronounced and I swear I'm not hallucinating... anybody ever feel this?

(And I wonder who's calling?)

Hi Linda--No not yet...am a total chicken and have no excuses...except that I had a rough night....the sleeping seems to be worse as the week progresses, not less. I woke up on the side that's been giving me few problems but was in such pain I had to go get some pain med..I think I kinked my body around and all afternoon it's taken me, well, all afternoon to get back to just soreness...a friend said to me the other day that it takes a while for the original anaesthesia to wear off and I wondered if it was that or just that I slept in a weird position..I also think I overdid my exercises yesterday and my side was so sore...like somebody had just given me a kick in the ribs...I hope this calms down...now I know I probably can't sleep on my side at all but will have to stay on my back....it IS the best position pain-wise but not my favorite... I'd love to put a cold pack on my chest and side but think this is a no-no...so won't....