Surgery Next Week

Elizabeth, BIG HUGS to you. I understand your fear completely. I am in the same boat. I have my surgery scheduled on the 17th next week for BMX. My oncologist didn't say it was early stage but he is hopeful ( as I am) that it will turn out to be. So nervous. I hate tests but I hate getting results even more. So far the us, mri, and petscan shows no lymph node involvement or evidence of spread and the mass is about 1.9cm but I am still worried that surgery will show much more. What if the lymph nodes are affected and so what if they aren't. That is still not a guarantee of no recurrences. I am ER+ but only weakly PR+ ( found out it is only 1%) and the HER status is still not in yet, it is Grade 2 and I have a ki67 score of 8%. Still trying to digest everything.

Like you, my daughter is a junior in high school and just 3 weeks ago we were planning college visits. I am 49 and I see so many much younger that are affected ( how do they deal with it, so much stronger than I). I had no family history and in fact my 79 year mother is still healthy and my maternal grandmother pass when she was 101 in her sleep. My Dad did pass away at 50 but from a brain tumor ( do not know if there is a correlation).

I am also nervous about the surgery. Don't know what to expect- how painful, how will I react. I have chosen not to have reconstruction ( just a personal choice) since my breast are of little importance to me. Keep wondering how my life will change. Will I be able to really, really, laugh again. When I look at my daughter, will I always be sad? I think that is the hardest part for me. I am so frighten. Please keep in touch, maybe we can walk this road together.

elizabeth- if you haven't already, look on the December surgery thread. I went through this 10 years ago at the age of 38 with 4 boys ages 14, 13, 5 and 2. I had a lumpectomy and rads. My 2 youngest were too young to u derstand, and don't remember. I thought they were spared, now I'm dealing with a 2nd go round. And their dad and i divorced a few years ago. My 2 oldest are on their own so its just us 3. Had bmx last friday and tissue expanders placed. I thought I would wake up with some fill, but it turned out the skin was too tight. So the tes were placed but no fills yet. Hard to look at, but we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for. my mom is staying with us another week and I know this will pass. I keep saying by summer.....

Hugs. You're not alone.

Hi Elizabeth,

So sorry that you are going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I know exactly how you are feeling. I found my cancer through self breast exam. It seemed so surreal to me and it was like a whirlwind. I found out in June that I had cancer, very early stage, bilateral mastectomy with tissue expanders in August and tissue expander exchange surgery 12/10/2015. I am recovering now.

I am 49 yrs old with 3 children 24, 22 and my 18 yr old daughter who started college this year as well. My husband and my children are my life! I am so blessed to have him by my side. He has been my rock.

I must admit I never have said why me? I just wanted to take care of this and get the cancer out of my body.

I have had several breakdowns. Fear was tremendous for me. I didn't know if I could actually go through with the surgery. My head was spinning out of control. Thinking about everything that I have, could happen, could go wrong. I was a wreck!

I have no clue where it came from but you do get this strength. I didn't want the cancer to defy my life. I went to work, continued with my daily activities. The strength became stronger. I think I didn't want my kids freaking out so I down played the entire process for them. I lived for them.

I was in the hospital overnight for the bmx. My husband stayed with me. The pain was pretty bad. Each day you do feel a little better. It's amazing when the dr. says 6 week recovery because by the 6th week you do feel so much better.

I will say, the first time I saw myself I lost it for about a half hour. I was a mess. The more you look in the mirror and know the cancer is gone the more you get used to it.

The tissue expanders were uncomfortable. Not sure if I would have done the reconstruction process looking back now. To late now. I have the permanent implants and recovering all over again. The recovery this time around is nothing compared to the bmx recovery but it's still recovery.

I look back now, amazed I went through this all. You have to be positive, I was very positive. I LOVE LIFE so much. There is so much I want to see and do. I think this is what keeps me going.

Wishing you and Kiks1 all the best on the 17th. You will both be in my thoughts and prayers.

You will laugh again. I guarantee it!

XOXO