ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY!!!!!!

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macb04
macb04 Member Posts: 1,433
edited December 2015 in Mental Health: Because Cancer Doesn't Just Affect Your Breasts

I am upset over this whole shitty, fucked up mess my life has become. I thought I had been getting better, calmer,and now I am so very very angry again that this has happened to me. I had a bad childhood filled with abuse and neglect most of the time so when I managed to leave that behind when I had my own family I thought my bad luck had finally turned around. I could not stand being a mutilated wreck, so I did reconstruction surgery 14 times. This last one was to make a nipple and fix the scar which was indented and awfully noticeable. I don't know until tomorrow or even longer if it worked. I am in a rage of anger and despair again.

It is not right what happened to me, or to any of us other innocent victims of the bc industry. My mother was a self absorbed fool who wrecked my health with her constant smoking and really terrible diet. I missed OVER 8 weeks of kindergarten by being out sick because my mother was such a negligent parent. She found some idiot pediatrician to give me thousands and thousands of antibiotics, when what I really needed was for her to stop poisoning me with her cigarettes. I read a study last year, that for women who had never smoked, Second Hand Smoke could increase risk for premenopausal bc by as much as 65%.

http://m.tobaccocontrol.bmj.com/content/early/2010/10/27/tc.2010.035931

Well with the thousands and thousands of antibiotics foisted on me,it was a perfect storm of increased risk of bc, all for a frivolous, stupid, selfish habit.If my mother wanted to poison herself, she should have left me out of it. I was just an innocent kid.

This just sucks! I never even got a minutes peace from the "treatment ", never told I am cured, feel like it was all a colossal joke at my expense. I NEVER FEEL SAFE, NEVER FEEL LUCKY.

I just want to stop feeling so bad. My head is pounding from all the crying. I won't see my counselor again till next Saturday. When will I finally get peace again?

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  • Asante314
    Asante314 Member Posts: 54
    edited December 2015

    macb04

    I am very sorry you are in such pain. Wishing you positive thoughts for good results on your most recent procedure. Sometimes a good cry is this most therapeutic thing we can do at the time. I do not have any answers for you, but wanted to let you know someone saw your post and is thinking of you.

    hugs


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  • 3-16-2011
    3-16-2011 Member Posts: 559
    edited December 2015

    Yes, This does suck! I really feel for you and your story. You are brave to share it and to survive it. I have no wisdom. Just sending healing thoughts x 1000.

    Mary

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  • macb04
    macb04 Member Posts: 1,433
    edited December 2015

    Thank you PieDay and 03-16-2011.

    Feeling calmer today, saw my PS and he scared me a bit. He said My skin was really, really thin around where he put my new nipple. It looks good, but knowing how fragile my skin is after all the torture upsets and freaks me out because I don't want my reconstruction to fail.

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  • Pessa
    Pessa Member Posts: 519
    edited December 2015

    There is no evidence that second hand smoke causes breast cancer.........................

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  • Meow13
    Meow13 Member Posts: 4,859
    edited December 2015

    My father was a chain smoker, he smoked around me since day 1. Also I was exposed to agent orange when my father worked for forest service as a researcher.

    You never know why we got breast cancer.

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  • macb04
    macb04 Member Posts: 1,433
    edited December 2015

    I have read those studies, it seems there is no connection between second hand smoke exposure and postmenopausal bc, but the connections are there for premenopausal bc. http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/496223_3

    "Thiocyanate, a major component of smoke, derives from hydrogen cyanide, leads to increased excretion of iodine.....

    http://www.medsci.org/v05p0189.htm,

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16025225

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8221402

    Iodine has been proven to be highly influential with breast health, along with Thyroid health. On PubMed I found dozens of articles discussing the role of Iodine deficiency and abnormal breast growth, fibrocystic breast disease, ect. And let us not forget the strong asociations between breast cancer and hypothyroidism. Looking up hypothyroidism and breast cancer brings up 217 hits on PubMed.

    The smoking gun (dark pun intended) is that Second Hand smoke decreased iodine in a crucial period in my breast development. Iodine has strong apotosis functions in breast tissue, important functions in a world full of Xenoestrogens. That is why they have found increased levels of premenopausal bc in unfortunate souls like me and many other women who were exposed to cigarette smoke while growing up. We were simply missing crucial parts of the checks and balances that prevent cell overgrowth into a cancer.

    Second hand smoke contains dozens of other cancer causing compounds, in addition to the decrease in iodine it causes., so is it any wonder, all that cancer that is attributed to cigarettes. Put " cigarette smoking and cancer" into PubMed and you get 46,809 hits.

    It mentioned in one article that ascribing increased premenopausal risk of breast cancer to exposure to Secondhand Cigarette Smoke is a political hot potato, even worse than the proven links between cigarette smoking and lung cancer. It is a very unpopular notion that smoking could cause breast cancer, even today, knowing what we know about the harms caused by cigarette smoking , it still has almost a protected status.

    I have absolutely no doubt that this contributed to my having bc at only 46, with no family history. I am angry that all this has happened, all these terrible things have been done to me without my consent.

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