Starting Chemo March 2015

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  • shaz101
    shaz101 Member Posts: 718
    edited November 2015

    thinking of you Eileen. I was glad to get divorced but it was still so draining and emotional. Xxx

    My LE is driving me insane. Someone at work today said to me. 'Your swollen huh' fuck I hate this.

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  • shaz101
    shaz101 Member Posts: 718
    edited November 2015

    I feel so sick. The bushfire here have killed at least 2 people. My friends daughter has lost everything and is very lucky to be alive.she tried to escape and got into her car. The garage roof collapsed and she couldn't get out. A friend came to her place to look for her and pulled her out. My heart is breaking for everyone affected. She has also lost her job as her place of employment has also been destroyed. 😢

    Please pray for them. Xxx

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited November 2015

    Oh, god, Sharon. That's heartbreaking. Will add them to my prayer list.

    Eileen, I am sorry. I am not sure being angry would be harder or not. I have decided if my husband and I ever divorce, he will be that way and the thought is scary. Hugs to you.

    I just kind of figured out another one of my FB friends must have gotten a divorce. (Some man posted 'in a relationship' with her.) It was one of those people who thought would be together forever. It is so weird.

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  • Carrie37
    Carrie37 Member Posts: 331
    edited November 2015

    Eileen, I'm so sorry about you and Alan. I know it is hard but can't even imagine. Sharon, definetly praying for everyone there.

    BB, I did know you were in Elgin. We live in Huntley. I grew up in Elgin!

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  • ksusan
    ksusan Member Posts: 4,505
    edited November 2015

    Sharon, so devastating and I'm glad she's okay.

    Eileen, it's a hard time. Keep breathing!

    Katy, lovely photos!

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  • pboi
    pboi Member Posts: 663
    edited November 2015

    Theresa...glad to hear your ex and mom are doing better.

    Sharon...how awful. Will be praying for all those affected.

    Eileen...so sorry, it must be so difficult. Hugs!

    Sloth...so glad to hear about your night of uninterrupted sleep! I have had the same problems sleeping since chemo...sigh. But after 5 days of giving melatonin a try, I think it's working!!! I don't think I woke up in the middle of the night last night. Don't think I'll ever take for granted again getting a full night of sleep!

    PB

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited November 2015

    My husband grew up in Elgin.

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited November 2015

    Wow, PB, I haven't slept through the night in 30 years! I bought the melatonin. How much do you take a night?

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  • eheinrich
    eheinrich Member Posts: 792
    edited November 2015

    Sharon - so sorry.

    Thanks everyone. It's so emotional. Alan is going to tell the girls next week that things are official. I mean, I'm sure they know we aren't getting back together but we didn't tell them yet that we are filing.

    My brother (who can be an asshat) has been posting stuff on and off on fb about how pot cures cancer. I want to punch him clear in the throat. He posted a link to a list of 100 published scientific studies that PROVE cannabis cures cancer. Of course being a scientist I read the abstracts of the 3 bc studies and a few others at random. As I figured these were not proof of curing anything. They were studies done on cells in flasks that don't even themselves make those claims. I bit into him on fb.......so frustrating when people talk shit about stuff they know nothing about.


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  • Italychick
    Italychick Member Posts: 2,343
    edited November 2015

    Sharon, I am so sorry. Sometimes life doesn't know when to quit handing us shit sandwiches.

    Eileen, I know it's hard. I still care a great deal about my exhusband. We have never fought, and always been kind to each other, and I hope the same for you and Alan. It's almost like we went from being husband and wife to great friends. I see that in your future too

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited November 2015

    Sharon- what an awful thing. I can't imagine watching your friends and neighbor's suffering so. Iwill definitely hold them in my thoughts.

    Yeah E- you don't expect the really asinine stuff to come from so close to home. Good thing you ARE a scientist so at least you don't fall for it. I know your girls will understand because of the way I imagine you raised them and how you are. It's a tough time for all no doubt about that. But I like what T said about going from spouse to friend. I wish that for you if you're comfortable with it

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  • pboi
    pboi Member Posts: 663
    edited November 2015

    Allison...30 years...wow I feel for you! As you know melatonin doesn't work for everyone and dosage seems be all over the place anywhere from under 1 mg to 20mg. I was concerned about the nightmares I read about and started with 1 mg. That didn't put me to sleep and when I finally got to sleep I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep. So I tried 3mg timed release Natrol brand. I was able to get to sleep and woke a few times (hot flash I think) but each time was able to get back to sleep. No nightmares thankfully. Last night was night 5 on it and each night I feel I'm sleeping better, so it might take some time. I do have to say I'm exercising more and the kids are off of school this week, so maybe I'm more tired too, but I'm sleeping!

    PB

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  • jumbledbamboo
    jumbledbamboo Member Posts: 158
    edited November 2015

    I had to skip so much. I am not a good sister right now. My phone got bricked. I won't go into it but I told my husband to not mess with it and here we are. now my only friend has quit talking to me because lets face it, I think she feels ignored. She can't reach me. My mom went to all this trouble sending me a new one and the POS won't charge. So I ordered a new one. I lost all my contacts. I posted on FB asking people to pm their number and 2 responded. I feel like I don't really matter all that much. No one has noticed my absence. I didn't do it on purpose just so much and no phone. Then to feel like it was no big deal to anyone that I dropped out of sight. I sound so bratty. I just don't know. Anyway.

    Sharon I am so sorry. That is real devastation. My heart is with you.

    Eileen, I get wanting to b friends. I know this is so difficult

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited November 2015

    Amber- sometimes the simplest of things, or "apparently" simple things, can throw us for a loop. I'm sure you do matter but it's a time of year when everyone is over programmed. I'm so sorry you feel this way though. It doesn't matter what the reason is, feeling unloved and not important is devastating to our already fragile psyches. Tx may be over or the bulk of it over but I don't feel back to normal, and if this, what I feel now, is the new normal, I gotta be honest. I'm not gonna make it very long.

    But all that aside, a practical suggestion. After Thanksgiving, pick the 5 people you want to communicate with the most and send them a copy paste pm about your phone and that you'd like to make sure the connection isn't lost. I'm sure you'll hear back. There is frankly so much nonsense on FB now that gets lost in the news feed. Even important stuff. Too many ads, too many thoughtless shares without even a post accompanying so you know why it's being shared.

    I'm sending you a hug and my best wishes for apeaceful holiday. Know that you are loved here. And missed when you aren't. Here, that is.

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  • jumbledbamboo
    jumbledbamboo Member Posts: 158
    edited November 2015

    Katy, thank you. I am going to do that. You gave me a real solution and thank you so much. I can't seem to focus correctly and I feel better now with that advice in mind. I'm relieved to have it. Hugs back to you Katy.

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  • rleepac
    rleepac Member Posts: 755
    edited November 2015

    Wow...I missed a lot in a few days!

    I'm headed into a dark place and I don't like it at all. I know it's because I had to stop the wellbutrin and it's just going to take a while to get back on track but the last 2 days I didn't even want to get out of bed. I'm trying so hard to stay positive but I'm definitely not feeling it.

    I had a nightmare last night. I went for an infusion and it was supposed to be the last one so my whole family came to support and celebrate. But when I got in the chair they handed me my new treatment calendar bookand it was packed full of treatments for the next year. I don't even know what the treatments were but I just remember waking up pissed off and feeling lied to. Our minds can play some awful tricks on us :(

    Anyway, I truly do have a lot to be thankful for and I'm going to try to make tomorrow and real day of Thanks. I thought I'd start by thanking my March Chemo sisters for always being there and for being the force behind the scenes that has gotten me through this shit sandwich. Love you all!

    Bekah

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  • eheinrich
    eheinrich Member Posts: 792
    edited November 2015

    Amber - I second Katy's advice. We all get wrapped up in our own things. Give them another chance.

    Katy, you're my bros fb friend - you shouldn't be surprised - except that I apparently "hurt his feelings" by disagreeing w/ him right before Thanksgiving. WE

    Thanks for all your good wishes. Alan & I have a goal of staying friends. I will always love him & want him in my life (unless he turns into an asshat then I'm out).


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  • Italychick
    Italychick Member Posts: 2,343
    edited November 2015

    Bekah, things will even out, hang in there. I've always viewed you as one of the "strong ones" on this forum, and I know you can get through this. Xoxo

    Amber, I had some surprises when friends opted out during my diagnosis and treatment. Just hang on to those who come back around and give them some time. One friend bailed on me during treatment but then came back around. She lost her mom to cancer as a teenager and I think it was too scary for her. I'm assuming by "brick" you mean he tried to jailbreak it? Slap him upside the head and tell him don't do that again! 😋

    Just made my sage dressing to stuff the turkey tomorrow. And had thawed out ground beef, so I also made meatballs for the day after. So right now I am completely digesting myself, slobbering over all the good smells in my house! My house smells like a yummy restaurant right now.

    Best wishes tomorrow to everybody. Live, love, laugh, to copy a true saying!

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  • eheinrich
    eheinrich Member Posts: 792
    edited November 2015

    Theresa - I wish you could post a link to the smells!

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  • shaz101
    shaz101 Member Posts: 718
    edited November 2015

    https://www.gofundme.com/qdc4v6py

    A go fund me page has been set up for Ashlee. She is such a lovely girl. Thankyou all for your kind words. This is the first place I go t when I need support.

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  • avmom
    avmom Member Posts: 324
    edited November 2015

    Oh, Sharon. Thinking of you and for Ashlee.

    The bracelet is on its way to you! I got it off to the post office on Monday, and will PM you the tracking information, so you can follow it through its travels.

    This will be the well traveled bracelet's fourth country- U.S.A., Canada, Mexico, and now Oz. I hope it reminds you of the many folk here who care for you.

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited November 2015

    Thanks for that update Avmom. I hope the bracelet does remind you Shaz, of how you are cared for here.

    For anyone wondering, the bracelet is coming towards the end of its journey. After Shaz it goes to Arlene (Greenae) in New York, then Sue in Wisconsin, and finally KSusan, full circle back in Oregon. It does truly amaze me where it has been. The Mexico trip was a real BONUS!

    Wishing all of you my deepest thanks for being who you all are. Individually for sure. And notably greater than the sum of our parts.

    Happy Thanksgiving everyone

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited November 2015

    Happy Thanksgiving, Katy and everyone! I am thankful for YOU!

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  • slothabouttown
    slothabouttown Member Posts: 449
    edited November 2015

    Just got home from a great time with friends and some epic over eating, took a warm bath, got into pajamas and made a big fire in the woodstove. I'm thankful for so much today, not the least of which is this group of strong, funny, supportive women that will forever have a place in my heart and who helped me get through 2015's challenges, side effects and dark scary places. Thank you for being there and for continuing to come here to share and support. Mwaaaah!!!

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  • Italychick
    Italychick Member Posts: 2,343
    edited November 2015

    Allison, Linda, everybody, huge xoxo for being there this entire year. And here's hoping the rest of this year and next year are ordinary and amazing for all of us!

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  • jumbledbamboo
    jumbledbamboo Member Posts: 158
    edited November 2015

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    My eye sttarted getting a lot better quite suddenly today! I am thankful for that and all of you!

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  • shaz101
    shaz101 Member Posts: 718
    edited November 2015

    are you serious Avmom! That is just the news needed. Thankyou all so much.

    I feel like a drama queen and I hate it! I went to my gp again today as I have an indent on the side of my breast. The same side as my cancer and lump I found I few weeks ago. He is sending a fax to my breast surgeon and I have to ring the BS on Monday to make an appointment. FUCK I hate this shit. I'm really not ever this self absorbed. I'm so sorry but so grateful for each one of you.

    On my way to the gp I went to my post office and picked up what is the most beautiful and timely necklace and earing set I have ever seen. I was so overwhelmed. I showed my doctor and receptionist and anyone that would listen. Lol. They all have commented on the work and beauty of it and that the colours are perfect for me.

    SUE (sueH58). thankyou. You generosity today of all days has helped me more than you would know. Thankyou. How did you ever create such a stunning piece?.. and to give it away. Just blows my mind! I will post a photo when my hand and body stops shaking. I haven't told my family yet. I feel like I've failed them. I know that it might be nothing and I really am trying to stay positive. But when my cancer was an indent and now I have another it is hard. I love you all so much. Xxx

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  • shaz101
    shaz101 Member Posts: 718
    edited November 2015

    Amber. I'm so very happy that you eye is getting better. I can't imagine how scary that must be xxx

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  • Carrie37
    Carrie37 Member Posts: 331
    edited November 2015

    oh Sharon, that is so unfair. I'm sure it is nothing but I know it will worry you until you know for sure. Waiting sucks. I would say tell your family but I also know that I would probably be the same, not wanting to let people down. Take care of yourself but don't isolate. Hugs to you. How very awesome of Sue to send you the jewelry! Just statue right moment. Love it.

    Amber, glad the eye is better! Take Katy's advice and I'm sure you'll hear back from others. Hugs!

    Rebekah, I'm so sorry you're struggling. Hoping your days get brighter.

    Allison, what high school did your DH go to in Elgin? Graduation year?

    I am laying in bed on Black Friday in Wisconsin (not home) and can't sleep. I had a great Thanksgiving and I don't see many of these people but every two years when we come to be with my family. Isn't it amazing how insane family can make us? I really am grateful for my family but my SIL has NO filter and makes me insane. My son, 8 yo, and her two kids were the only children at Thanksgiving dinner. I love my brother, don't get me wrong, but they were just so selfish IMO. My SIL drank A LOT of wine which makes her even louder than normal.

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  • Carrie37
    Carrie37 Member Posts: 331
    edited November 2015

    continuing in new post. Sorry, damn backspace makes my phone slow. Anyways, my bro and SIL just expect everyone to take care of their kids for them when they are around family. Makes me nuts.on so many levels. We always play games after dinner but my mom sat out to watch their kids. 10 months and 2.5 years old. Just rubbed me the wrong way. I sat out many of those games when my son was too young to sit at the table. My mom could say no but she is generally too kind. I never even heard a thank you from them. Then my SIL expects my son to entertain his cousin. She's two. He's almost nine. He does his best. They were playing with a small ball and my niece started throwing it very hard so Jeremiah put it in his pocket. She starts screaming to give it back and he says no because you won't listen and stop throwing. I watch this whole thing going down. Her mom tells her to say please, never taking her eyes off her damn phone. Two year olds don't give up. My SIL suddenly puts her phone down and snaps at my son that he is being mean and stop teasing her. I snapped back at her and I'm still annoyed. Obviously!! Ready to go home if not to just get away from her! Sorry for the vent!

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