how do i tell my 12 year old daughter

Beachblonde,

I am so sorry about your diagnosis. My twins were 7 years old when I was diagnosed at the age of 40. I had a consultation with a social worker, and the best policy is to get as much information as you can about your diagnosis and what type of treatment you will have first, and then talk to your daughter. Be honest with everything you say but there is no need to divulge too much information either if this would be unnecessarily upsetting to her. These were some of the things I discussed with a social worker. You may want to reach out to a social worker too, and get more specific advice for your daughter's age. Again, I am so sorry.

My suggestion would be to talk to the Patient Navigator for input as to how to tell her at either the Facility her Dad goes to or the one you will be going to if different.

She needs to be given accurate information before 'someone else' finds out of your DX and does not give her the best/honest information. Unfortunately, there are a lot of 'busy bodies' who love to spread pain/hurt via less than truths. Give her honesty as honesty is the always the best. It will be hard but she needs to be armed with the truth to be able to put rumors in their place. Be sure to give her the best information you can so she doesn't feel 'left in the dark' (not knowing what is going) but also do not overwhelm her initially. Be sure she knows she can come to you at anytime to talk (about anything important or just 'yack'). You are the only one who can know her and what she can handle at one time. Perhaps her Dad could also have some positive input for her.

It is very important that she is given accurate information no matter what it is - not be 'blindsided' from others who do not have her best interest in mind. Kids (and even their mothers) can be cruel and even if you haven't told anyone else in your area yet, it is amazing how much information does 'majikally' leaks out.

LisaMomOfFour - that's a great idea - not just for children but for all family members no matter the age. While there certainly is good information that can be found on line, there is a lot that is definitely not and can cause confusion/misinformation regarding any of us individually and/or our DX. I never thought to ask Hubby or Son (adult) to stay off of line looking for info as they both said that they felt that I would be the one who could best explain to them in words they would better understand and could ask me any questions. They both knew that they were listed with all my Drs so if they had any questions I couldn't answer for them, they could legally call my Dr(s).

How it affects our kids is one of the most heartbreaking aspects of this disease. I'm so sorry you have to do this, beachblonde. I agree with Claire that it is good to be reassuring, but I'm not sure about promising to be fine. The sad fact is that none of us know the future. The first time I was diagnosed, the most I felt comfortable saying was, "Nobody has a crystal ball, but my doctors think I will be fine." Well, as you can see from my stats, I wasn't, and I am glad I don't have to feel like the trust was broken because I made a promise I couldn't keep.

We parents know our own children better than anyone else does. Get advice but also listen to your gut.