Diagnosed during BCA month with screening mammo.

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KathieAnn314
KathieAnn314 Member Posts: 1
edited November 2015 in Just Diagnosed
I have never been on any forums or any type of discussion sites, but I've never had BC before either. Just jumping around, I find there are things that haven't been discussed with me yet, but have a better idea of what to ask.My yearly mammo was late because they always hurt me where my doc sent me, so I waited a while then asked to go to a different facility. Mammo was pain free but next day I was asked to come to primary care docs office and I felt right then that it was BC. Results read several calcified areas in both breasts. Doc said he'd never seen calcified areas come back positive. Diagnostic mammo, ultrasound, 3 biopsies later I learn I have cancer in both breasts. 5 tumors on right...stage 3....her2 positive; 2 on the left, stage one, her2 negative. Double mastectomy Dec 1st with probable immediate reconstruction depending on amount of remaining skin. Otherwise plastic surgeon will place expanders. If the 5 tumors are connected or if I have lymph node involvement I will need radiation but my team doesn't think so. So, even tho I have clinical depression and anxiety I've been cruising right along. Need 18 weeks of chemo, and a full year of herceptin. Concerned because oncologist wants me to have Perjetta, but some insurance companies only cover it if chemo is done BEFORE surgery. Oncologist confident he can get it paid for. Today I had to go get fitted for post-op compression bras and camisoles with drain holders. They happened to have silicone prosthetic nipples and said my insurance would pay, so I picked a pair and THEN it finally hit me. Weeping in the dressing room because I getting silcone nipples to go on my silicone filled breasts once they amputate my existing breasts and nipples in 10 days. My oncology surgeon does 500 procedures a year, and I have quickly learned that I am certainly not alone...but SO WHAT?! I feel tired, not strong and I might say something inappropriate to the next person who says 'You've got this'. Have I? Scared, sad, and a whole woe is me attitude for the rest of the day today. Live thru this. Well, there's no acceptable alternative. Don't feel like a warrior. I feel like a woman who got sucker-punched by cancer.
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  • ChiSandy
    ChiSandy Member Posts: 12,133
    edited November 2015

    Cancer is a thug that jumps out of a dark gangway and mugs the living snot out of us. It’s not a fair fight, and it’s not a “valiant battle.” It’s a disease that must be treated and often stays a step ahead. We are not warriors, we are patients. And no amount of pink will change that. Funny how nobody says “He battled atherosclerosis” or “She is a brave warrior against diabetes.” People untouched by cancer really are at a loss what to say to and about us. So they engage battle metaphors because they think it empowers us (and their magical thinking convinces them they will be protected “in the unlikely event...” if only they fight hard enough in just the right way).

    They can try to buoy our spirits with promising statistics, but there’s always that little nagging voice in the back of our minds that says “if it happens to me, the chances just became 100%.”

    No, you haven’t “got this.” Individually, none of this have “got this.” But we’ve got each other--and we will get through this.


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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited November 2015

    Beautifully said, ChiSandy.

    KathieAnn, we hate that you're here, but really glad you found us. So sorry to hear of your diagnosis, but as Sandy said, we're all here for you -- through all of the ups and downs of learning of your diagnosis and right through treatment and beyond. You've stumbled upon a pretty great Community of super helpful members who have been there, done that, and will help you get through, too. We appreciate your candidness, sharing your raw feelings -- and we just want you to know it's very normal, and many of our members feel the same way. We're sure they'll be by soon to warmly welcome you too.

    While you're preparing for your surgery, you may want to join the December 2015 Surgery thread, where you can talk with others who are going through the surgery experience right along with you. You may also want to pop in to the November 2015 Surgery thread, where our helpful members can help you prepare for the surgery. You can also pick up some great tips on the Shopping/Packing/To-do List for Surgery and Recovery thread.

    And, when you're ready, there're monthly Chemo threads in the Chemotherapy - Before, During and After forum, where you can also join others navigating chemo treatment. Lots of great advice there, too!

    We hope this helps! Please continue to check back in and let us know how you're doing. We're all here for you!

    --The Mods

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  • dtad
    dtad Member Posts: 2,323
    edited November 2015

    Sorry you have to be here but welcome. All of your feelings are completely normal and we can all relate to them. You are a woman who got sucker punched by cancer! It takes time for it all to sink in. You have a lot of information to process. Please feel free to private message me if you want some one on one feedback. Good luck and keep us posted....

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  • brithael
    brithael Member Posts: 224
    edited November 2015

    So sorry you're a member of the club nobody wants to join. I too was diagnosed in October with my screening mammo. I get mine religiously every year, and am so glad I didn't wait for the "every other year" they're using as a guideline now.

    Just had my lumpectomy on the 13th, lucky for me, only one breast involved although 3 nodes came back positive. Facing chemo, rads and hormone therapy.

    I totally underscore everything ChiSandy says. Cancer sucks. We're not brave warriors; we're women with a life who just heard some of the worst news ever. Our life has changed forever.

    The best thing I know is to channel my anger, disappointment, and sadness into getting me through the treatment. What's the alternative, roll over and die? Is that being a warrior? Is that fighting?

    Of course we hurt, and we cry, and we sometimes want to say "Why Me?" We put on a stoic face on around others which they interpret as brave, when we've got the (as my Southern Grandmother used to say,) "the pea whoddie fool" scared out of us. No, I do not know what that means.

    I've said all that to say this. Anything you're feeling right now is OK. There are no good or bad feelings. Feelings are feelings. I think forums like this are great because it lets us know that we're not the only ones feeling these feelings. People who are not going through breast cancer get that wonderful cathartic feeling of "Thank God, it's not me." We don't get that. It is us.

    As the old Pogo comic strip said, "We have met the enemy, and he is us." But us, us together is more powerful than I. We're here for you.


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