Hate to be a whiner but will I ever feel normal πŸ˜•

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Live4them
Live4them Member Posts: 65
edited December 2016 in Surgery - Before, During, and After

I had a double mastectomy with direct to implants on Nov 9 .. I know it hasn't even been two weeks . But I feel so physically and mentally drained . I want my life back .. I hate to ask why me . My faith has always taught me why not me . But the pain , tightness , burning and deformation I see every time I look in the mirror is really bringing me down .. Ladies when did it start turning around for you all. I have tried to stay positive and not let me my family see how upset I am . I feel selfish and hate pity parties . But I can't stop crying and can never sleep . Please tell me there is a light at the end of this scary tunnel

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  • ml143333
    ml143333 Member Posts: 658
    edited November 2015

    There definitely is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will see it day-by-day. I have a BMX with direct implants and was back at work in three weeks. Physically, I did the exercises and tried to keep as active as I could. The physical part comes back sooner than you think. The mental takes time and you truly are never really the same as before surgery and cancer. Once you get through surgery and get on to other treatments (if you have any), you will become stronger mentally than you thought before. You will get back to a more "normal" thought process, but it takes time. You have been through a lot. Give yourself some time. Lean on God as you have said you are a Believer! Lean on your family and friends. Don't keep this all inside.

    I wish you well!

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  • rozem
    rozem Member Posts: 1,375
    edited November 2015

    I had the absolute worst time with my expanders/surgery...I cried so many nights I can't even begin to count them all. My surgeons were all perplexed as to why I had so much pain and tightness. I could barely breath, sleep was terrible.

    I am a ways out now but I do remember that ever so slowly I began to feel better...where finally I forgot that these things were in me

    mentally it took a long time for me but eventually you move on because life has a way of pushing you back to normality - work, kids, other responsibilities become your focus after

    good luck and keep your eye on the prize

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  • Live4them
    Live4them Member Posts: 65
    edited November 2015

    ml143333 and rozem wow I can't imagine going to work lol. Luckily I'm not working at the moment . I guess as soon as I get mor native I'll feel better . I'm just so tired , and after an hour or so of any activity I'm pooped . I just don't understand why evenings are the worst . I start having spasms and I start feeling the tightness which starts my anxiety going and before you know it I've lost it lol .. Also I'm not sure if I will need chemo so I just wish I could fast forward thru all this madness and know what to expect . I have an appt with the oncologist Dec 7 I'll know more then . Thanks for the words of encouragement , hopefully the switch will go off and I'll start to except these two bricks on my chest 😏 And get these drains removed !!!

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  • LuvLulu07
    LuvLulu07 Member Posts: 778
    edited November 2015

    I too had a BMX direct to implants on November 9th - my birthday!! :( - four years ago. As I remember, the turnaround for me was a couple of months after surgery, and then it quickly got better from there. It seemed like it took forever, but you will get there. Everybody heals on their own timeline, and you've been through a lot.

    Most days I don't give a thought to the surgery and the implants at all.

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  • Live4them
    Live4them Member Posts: 65
    edited November 2015

    joyh1109

    Well belated happy birthday !! What a birthday present lol ... Seems nights are the worst for me .. I've never had anxiety or panic attacks but ... My chest hurts more at night and I startfreaking out .. So tonight I took a Xanax and came outside for fresh air .. This sucker is not ruining my Friday night !! Thanks for the pep talk

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  • LuvLulu07
    LuvLulu07 Member Posts: 778
    edited November 2015

    Thanks! A birthday I'll never forget!

    Something that was helpful in the healing process was sessions with a physical therapist for massage. She was certified in manual lymphatic drainage technique, so helpful. If you have access to a PT like this, I highly recommend a few sessions. Everybody is different, but I started this at 3 weeks post-op - ask your doctor first about this of course.

    Gentle hug ~


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  • Live4them
    Live4them Member Posts: 65
    edited November 2015

    Thank you , that's what I feel I could use , going to definitely ask my physician ,, wonder if insurance helps with the cost :) have a great weekend !!

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  • Spookiesmom
    Spookiesmom Member Posts: 9,568
    edited November 2015

    It does take a while, we all get there in our own way. There is light at the end of the tunnel, and it's NOT a train.

    If this is disrupting your sleep, which helps you heal, ask your doc for something to help. Short term use can really help you. And those darn drains are a PITA.

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  • GatorGirl73
    GatorGirl73 Member Posts: 10
    edited November 2015

    liv4them, I had my BMX w/TE on November 18 (so about a week after yours). I came to this site this morning to see if it was normal to still be having so much discomfort. I feel like my chest is in a vice grip! I'm so exhausted I have to go back to bed after taking a shower! My hair is a greasy stringy mess and I look like a pregnant 12 year old because all my drains end up sitting right on my abdomen below my expanders. This SUCKS!!!!!!! So I have no words of advice but please know you are not alone my sister! Hugs to you and I pray we both feel better soon ! XO

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  • Jillybee
    Jillybee Member Posts: 32
    edited November 2015

    it does pass...it is a complete rollercoaster....have had several breast surgeries,you look fine from the out side,BUT....in does your head in.... I suggest just smile when you see people,don't enter any conversation ,as then you get how they are...and that brings you down.Be kind to yourself ....gentle hugs.

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  • Live4them
    Live4them Member Posts: 65
    edited November 2015
    GatorGirl73

    Well since I'm a week ahead of you let me tell you it gets a little better with each passing day . The exhaustion is still there for any activity that last over two hours .. I feel like I went to Disney world for a day lol ... They did remove 1 drain so I felt a little less bogged down with crap hanging from me . But that one drain I have left is hurting and burning so much it's driving me crazy .. As for the boob tightness I'm not sure if it gets better or you start getting use to it a little more . I'm a little different because I have implants already instead of TE .. Don't have boob envy I look like I have frankenboobs ..they look horrible lol .. I will be having a revision surgery in a few months .. As for my hair that's where I have spoiled myself .. I go to a local blowdry bar .. They wash and massage my head and blow dry it and it last me a good while , till I go again ! You have to pamper yourself with something . This weekend is challenging because with the holidays everyone assumes I'm feeling better then I really do .. A lot of movement and walking still hurts .. My ribs hurt my back hurt .. So I have to be the party pooper and tell them I can't keep up . My twin girls are here from college it's their birthday weekend and they want to do a lot and I can't πŸ˜•

    By the way ... You a UF Gator ?? That's where my girls go 🐊
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  • Live4them
    Live4them Member Posts: 65
    edited November 2015

    Jillybee

    I think the mental has what effected me the most .. I have never had something slow me down for so long . I'm a very active person and I'm not use to being down so long .. But I've noticed like you I want to avoid the Pandora's box of questions and opinions from people . I fake it like you say and tell people I'm doing good .. Because no one would understand if I really started to explain how my body hurts and feels and how my mind doesn't stop worrying about infection , losing a nipple and my upcoming pathology report appointment... And yeah I don't want to hear about how your mom or grandma died of breast cancer real young !! But don't worry you'll be just fine

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  • debiann
    debiann Member Posts: 1,200
    edited November 2015

    Your body has been through a lot, the fatigue does last for awhile, especially if you are dealing with other treatments. Eventually your energy will return. I had DIEP recon, so different from you, but the same in some ways I'm sure. I've adjusted to my new "look" and I like it. They were very misshapen at first, but pretty now. The only thing that is still bothersome is the lack of sensation, and for me that would be in both my breast and my belly area. Some feeling has returned, but its very different. You will get used to a "new normal" and feel more like yourself in time. Good luck to you.

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  • LuvLulu07
    LuvLulu07 Member Posts: 778
    edited November 2015

    Live4Them My 2 nephews attend UF! :)


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  • Sugar8
    Sugar8 Member Posts: 47
    edited December 2016

    It takes time!! Everyone is different but the journey is always long. I was very brave for my family and people around me when I was first diagnosed on the 31st Dec 2013 .....thro surgery, chemo and stages of reconstruction but deep down it was difficult.

    I have occupied myself with work, dog walking (my new dog was my life line) and now I am running 5K park run with the intention of running a marathon in 2 yrs to raise funds for breast cancer.

    It really takes time. Now nearly 3 years on I am feeling so much better physically and emotionally and I still have my nipples to sort out.

    There is life after Cancer

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