39 and Just Diagnosed

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DanielleH
DanielleH Member Posts: 23
edited November 2015 in Just Diagnosed

Good morning everyone, I am 39 years old and I found out last week that I have breast cancer. I am in complete shock as I am sure you can all relate. I can't stop the fear and anxiety, especially when I think about my 6 year old daughter and if I will see her grow up or not. I am just terrified. I don't know my staging or anything yet. The Dr. recommends a lumpectomy given what he has seen on the ultra sound and mamo, plus removal of nodes and radiation. I have no idea if I will need chemo yet. I just want someone to reassure me that everything is going to be ok before I lose my mind.

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  • Englishmummy
    Englishmummy Member Posts: 337
    edited November 2015

    Danielle, sorry for your dx, it is so rough in the beginning especially when you fall into the 'young' category, but we are all here to help and support you at as many turns as you need. I was dx in May, one month before I turned 41, with bilateral BC. It rocked my world but six months later, I have healed and I am feeling good as well as positive about what the future holds. I have 3 children who are 12,11 & 8 and I absolutely believe I will be there for them as they grow. Feeling helpless, terrified, sad, scared and even betrayal, are all very normal emotions, but you can do this...you have to for your beautiful daughter, as well as for yourself. Allow yourself to process all your emotions and I promise you, you will get to acceptance, the fear will lessen and you'll move forward, because we have to - Cancer or not life, isn't stationary. You can fight this, it will be hard at times but you CAN do it. Stay strong and reach out whenever you need. Keep us updated on your findings, Hugs. Laura x

    P.S. if the fear is overwhelming and you are wanting a little help, I know lots of ladies ask their Dr for something to help function and sleep. I am not sure what can be given but I have read lots of members being prescribed medicine to help them through the first agonising weeks.You know yourself best, ask for what YOU need, it is ALL about your comfort level right now. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

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  • Moderators
    Moderators Member Posts: 25,912
    edited November 2015

    Dear DanielleH,

    We just want to welcome you to our community here at BCO. We are so sorry for the circumstances that have brought you here but we're glad you have found us. You have come to the right place for support.

    Please keep us posted on the details. We are all here for you, and yes, like Englishmummy said, we understand the anxiety you are feeling. Your doctors can indeed help if you need it.


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  • Honeytagh
    Honeytagh Member Posts: 483
    edited November 2015

    Hi DanielleH

    One and a half years ago I experienced the same feelings and scares. I went through all treatment while thinking they will never end. But today I am here healthy and full of hope for future especially for my daughter. Keep strong and try to be as positive as you can. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

    You're in my thoughts and prayers

    Hanieh

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  • mdg
    mdg Member Posts: 3,571
    edited November 2015

    I am so sorry you find yourself among us. My son was only 4 when I was diagnosed and I felt the same way. The beginning was the hardest part because there are too many unknowns. Take it one stup at a time. Hugs!

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  • DanielleH
    DanielleH Member Posts: 23
    edited November 2015

    Thank you all for responding to my concerns so quickly. I have gone to my Dr. and he gave me something for anxiety and that has helped a lot. I think I am just having a bad day today. The fear is taking over today more than anything else. I am just terrified of leaving my daughter. Another question. Did any of you experience short or irregular periods during this time? I have myself all worked up as my period keeps coming every 2/2.5 weeks. Do you think it is from the stress and anxiety? I had an internal ultrasound last July and all was clear but can't help but worry about everything.

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  • Englishmummy
    Englishmummy Member Posts: 337
    edited November 2015


    Danielle, the period thing is likely stress but I would chat with the Dr just to be sure. Glad you got something from your Dr.

    Β 

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  • etnasgrl
    etnasgrl Member Posts: 650
    edited November 2015

    Danielle....
    I am 41 and was just diagnosed last Thursday. I know all too well the fear and worry. It's horrible and I'm so very sorry that you have to go through this!
    That being said, I'm here to tell you that it WILL get better, I promise. I am less than one week out from my diagnosis, and just saw my surgical oncologist this morning, for the first time. Once I met with her, learned more about my particular cancer and received info on possible treatment plans, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I can breathe a little bit.
    Granted, there is nothing easy or fun about this.....but knowledge truly is power and when you learn more about your cancer and you learn about your treatment plans, you really do feel better and some of that worry and fear fades.
    This is such a WONDERFUL group of ladies, with a wealth of knowledge, wisdom, and compassion. Please come here often and get the support that you need. I can't express how grateful I am to have found this place. I have learned SO much and you will too.
    I have an 11 year old son and I know, as a mother, the worry/fear you face. Listen to me....you WILL fight and you WILL overcome! Believe that!

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited November 2015

    Do you know if they found positive lymph nodes?

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  • MB12
    MB12 Member Posts: 79
    edited November 2015

    Hello Ladies,

    I'm officially joining your group today. Β πŸ‘― Β Just got the confirmation from my biopsy that I have IDC w a medium grade. Β I was told surgery is required and I'll know more on Tuesday. Β My main priority is freezing my eggs, if needed and making sure it isn't anywhere else in my body. Β Hang in there everybody!!Β 

    MichelleΒ 

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  • Englishmummy
    Englishmummy Member Posts: 337
    edited November 2015


    MB12 - Sorry you get to join us. Sending positive thoughts your way.....Keep us posted after your appointment Tuesday. Hugs, Laura x

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  • msphil
    msphil Member Posts: 1,536
    edited November 2015

    hello sweetie i know ur feelings as do most of us here i just turned 42 yr when diagnosed n making wedding plans to my 2nd husband i prayed for But Praise God i am a 21 yr Survivor Faith n keeping Hope got me thru and family n friend support once plan in place things will ease up.msphil(idc stage2 0\3 nodes Lmast chemo n rads n 5yrs on tamoxifen)

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  • JBeans
    JBeans Member Posts: 388
    edited November 2015

    Hi DanielleH and everyone,

    I'm 39 too, diagnosed in May and feel some of the same fear and anxiety about watching my young sons grow up so, if it's any help you aren't alone.

    Get some sleep if you can and good luck


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  • KCinMN
    KCinMN Member Posts: 81
    edited November 2015

    Hi and welcome!

    I'm 39 and was just diagnosed in May. I have 2 young children. So, I can completely relate!

    It is hard, and it sucks! I did chemo this summer and recently had surgery. I still have a long road ahead. BUT, I'm getting thru it! YOU WILL TOO!

    The beginning is the hardest. Once you figure out what you're up against, it's easier to figure out your plan of attack. And that's what you'll do! You'll fight! Hang in there and stay strong. When you're not feeling it, come here, and get encouragement and support!

    Big hugs and prayers! :)

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  • Rose_d
    Rose_d Member Posts: 144
    edited November 2015

    Danielle,

    I wanted to add my welcome. I too was 39 when I was diagnosed - my kids were 9, 7 and 5 at the time. I am now almost 4 years out from my diagnosis. I will tell you my 5 year old (who is now 9) knows I had cancer (and is proud to call his mom a survivor) but really doesn't actually remember anything about my treatment (which included surgery, chemo and radiation).

    All I can remember from when I was diagnosed was a simple wish - to be able to be around to raise kids and have them grow up with a mother. And frankly that is all I wish for now as well.

    Please know that you will get through this time. It's not easy and it's all consuming. But your 6 year old is resilient as are you. You've got this.

    Hang in there!

    Rose

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  • MB12
    MB12 Member Posts: 79
    edited November 2015

    Hi Englishmumm - Ty for the support! Β πŸ˜€ I feel we are all in the club that nobody wants to be in. Β I'll def keep you posted.Β 

    Danielle - I had a panic attack last week about not seeing my 12 year old daughter grow up or her getting bc when she is older. I seriously went through the 5 stages of grieving in a night. I got it all out and feel much better.  Then, last night I got so mad at the fact that I may not get to have more children and I'm alone without a partner. I'd have a better chance freezing embryos than eggs. I actually planned on freezing some eggs before 40 and now this happens.  (However, adoption has always been in my plan, too.)  I'm still nervous about the stage, where it is, what the treatment is, but with each doctors appointment I move forward and focus on the fact that I'm that much closer to beating it and to get it out of my body. We are going to have highs and lows. These feelings are going to come, but we have to focus on the positive. Nutrition, meditation and positivity will help.  I'm praying for you and all the other ladies that have to go through this! 😘

    FYI-I have lots of info on nutrition for helping our bodies gear up and go to battle during this fight. PM me if anybody has questions, etc. Also, these forums have educated me on soooo much from fighting fatigue on chemo to caps to Doctor questions to nutrition and on and on...

    I am using the art of war on its a**! πŸ’ͺΒ 

    Attack(surgery)-strategy(treatment)-alliance(health team)-army(friends/family)-cities(bc-forum/us)Β 

    MichelleΒ 

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  • DanielleH
    DanielleH Member Posts: 23
    edited November 2015

    I just met with my surgeon today to go over my other results from having my mamo on my other boob last week. It came back clear. They also did another ultra sound of the upper nodes on the side with the tumor. The surgeon was going to have them biopsy them to see if I needed those upper ones removed as well as the lower ones during surgery. The radiologist did not find anything abnormal to biopsy at that time. I will have my lumpectomy and bottom nodes removed in a couple weeks. One thing that bummed me out was that he said it was a grade 3 tumor. I know this means it is more aggressive. After my surgery I will do chemo and radiation. I would love some encouraging words regarding the grading. I am trying not to let this bum me out too much.

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  • Skittlegirl
    Skittlegirl Member Posts: 428
    edited November 2015

    Grade 3 also means that the cancer cells are different from healthy cells, so chemo is more likely to be effective than with a lower grade.

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  • MB12
    MB12 Member Posts: 79
    edited November 2015

    Hola,

    Can anybody tell me about the menopause deal😳 Can I take something to avoid it during chemo or not get thrown into it after chemo? What usually happens? 

    I want to be prepared. Β Meeting w the BS tomorrow. Β Also, there is a clinic that freezes cancer patients eggs for free. I meet with them on Wednesday, as I wanted more children and am not going down without a fight on my eggs, either. πŸ’ͺπŸ’ƒI'm up for adopting, as well.Β 

    The Sher Institute for Reproductive Medicine will freeze your eggs for FREE.Β 

    Haveababy.com

    They have 8 locations in the US.

    Best,

    Michelle xoxo

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  • Tresjoli2
    Tresjoli2 Member Posts: 868
    edited November 2015

    the menopAuse deal isn't so bad...kinda nice not having your period. I've read recently that doing ovarian suppression during chemo can help your ovaries keep their function. I have been taking Lupron for ovarian suppression. It's a shot every three months.

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  • maxdog
    maxdog Member Posts: 147
    edited November 2015

    Danielle-I was diagnosed in April at 39 with a then 4 year old. Education is power, so do your research and get multiple opinions if you feel you need to. Just take it one step at a time. There are some great articles available about telling children you have cancer. My daughter was my best nurse-she liked to empty my drains and help change my dressings. I am a very open person and and didn't want her to be afraid. At preschool she shared, "my mommy has cancer in her booby!' There is a great book, I forget the exact name, but it's something like 'mommy and the pink polka dot booboo.' It has just enough info in an easy to understand from for kids. She asked me to read it all the time. I let her know it was ok to be scared and cry and that she could ask me any question at any time. I plan on being around for a.long time....but it is hard to believe that when you are in the midst of this health crisis. Good luck, we are all here for you!

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  • DanielleH
    DanielleH Member Posts: 23
    edited November 2015

    I received the date for my lumpectomy surgery. It will be Nov 27th. I am happy to finally know when I will have this lump removed. I am still struggling with the fear of not seeing my daughter grow up. It terrifies ne. I am also nervous to know the stage of the cancer. I just can't handle anymore negative. My tumor is a grade 3 which scares me alot. Some positive and reassuring words would be appreciated.

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  • Englishmummy
    Englishmummy Member Posts: 337
    edited November 2015

    Danielle, that fear takes a long time to quell, but it will lessen with time, especially when you have 'it' removed - it just feels better. My Drs never gave me an official stage. Grade 3 responds very well to chemo and statistically speaking, the odds are on your side that you won't face this again. If you are er+ your Dr will likely do an oncotypedx test which will give you a recurrence score. I found/find it really helpful to repeat affirmations and positive thoughts, I refuse to give cancer anymore precedence in my life than needed, it doesn't work all the time but we're getting there. Try to find something positive that you can 'use' in those moments, prayer, mediation, affirmation, a call to a friend or just cry, be angry, be scared, you have every right to be... then, get a hug from your mum or a close friend ....This is so hard, the beginning is the worst. I am 6 months from dx and it feels SO different from those first few weeks.Right now you need love and support: allow those close to you to do that for you. Life does and will go on. You will adapt and move on just as thousands of women on here have. Stay strong, you absolutely can do this.

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  • dtad
    dtad Member Posts: 2,323
    edited November 2015

    Danelle. Hi there. Just want to let you know I private messaged you....

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  • DanielleH
    DanielleH Member Posts: 23
    edited November 2015

    Thank you Englishmummy, your post really uplifted me. I really dont know if I want to know my stage either. Your comment about the grade is very encouraging.

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  • Englishmummy
    Englishmummy Member Posts: 337
    edited November 2015


    Glad I could help a little. We're here for you - someone told me yesterday that NO ONE except someone that has gone through BC can have any idea what it all entails, and that is the absolute truth.

    Feel free to PM me any time if you wish (actually, that goes for anyone) I know sometimes we don't want to put it all out there....even on here.

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  • JBeans
    JBeans Member Posts: 388
    edited November 2015

    Danielle,

    As Englishmummy said the fear really will diminish with time and I did feel less fearful after my surgery because something was being done and cancer was being taken away. Exercise , themedication, and the surgery make me feel empowered to handle this. I only last week found out that my tumors were grade 2 and I've not been told a stage by my doctors either. You will move forward and get on, you can handle this. Good luck.

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  • MB12
    MB12 Member Posts: 79
    edited November 2015

    Hi Ladies, πŸ‘―

    Tresjoli2 - Thank you for the info! Β I meet w oncologist after surgery and will discuss options. πŸ‘

    Surgery πŸ’‰πŸ”ͺπŸ’Š is set for Dec 7th. Starting fertility around Dec 4th and will hit it fast while in the hospital, as well. Harvesting eggs around the 14th. I was happy to see that I have a great egg supply! Β My doctor is amazing!!! She's proactive and aggressive. πŸ™Œ IΒ should have 1 - 5 good eggs out of the bunch that make it. Β Kinda bummed that I may not get to be prego, again. However, thankful that I was able to be once before and can get my eggs frozen. πŸ™πŸ˜€

    My plastic surgeon is awesome, also! He is ahead of the game. I'm very, happy with the excellent team of doctors that I have in St. Louis. I honestly didn't expect it and was leaning on going back to UCSF, but they all have great experience and they are hip to new tx, etc. My BS trained w one of the best in LA. PS is best in my county and fertility doc is from John Hopkins and has a wall of awards. I did my research on them! πŸ˜‰

    Hope the oncologist and I get along. πŸ˜‚

    Ok, focusing on work the rest of the week/weekend and organizing all the doctors info to go in file folders and flash drive. Will review forums for info to integrate in, as well.Β 

    Stay positive 😘

    Michelle xo


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