Can't breathe

So sorry to hear of your dx msbisa. The first thing I want to say is that there is NO WAY this was your fault!!!! I could rant on this forever. People who have never heard the dx about themselves will never fully understand the feelings it brings up all at once.

Once you have a plan of treatment in place it will get easier. Have you seen a bs yet? Please share with us a bit more, I am a bit of a newbie but there are a lot of ladies on here and I am sure there will be some chiming in soon.

msbisa, one day at a time. Breathe, breathe. We are all here for you, and completely understand where you are coming from. Family and friends are also affected, and sometimes really don't know what to say. Please keep us posted on what your doctors suggest for treatment. You are not alone!

The Mods

well, brothers can be wrong too so just chalk him up to it one of those things like Black Holes and Nuclear physics that are perhaps not his speciaty

now breath and enjoy the sunshine

course if he can explain black holes to me~~~

I just trying to maybe bring a jolly to your day

note, there is another thread called CrazyTown, it is where we go when we are waiting for tests results etc.

I want to invite you to join us

This is the scariest time, I promise. Don't go down the what-if road and just focus on today. Or this hour. Or this minute. You are here now.

I like what proudtospin said about brothers It's true. Women with every type of life style, diet, weight, height, occupation, age, parental status, breastfeeding choice...travel affinity...have gotten BC. It's no one's fault, just rotten luck.

We are here to support you. I was node-positive, and I am almost at 5 years since diagnosis! Hang around and ask questions, lurk, or just soak in the good vibes. They flow like crazy around here

Msbisa, people say the stupidest things at these moments because they don't really know what to say and they are scared, for you and for themselves. They feel like they need to point to a cause as it alleviates their fear that it could happen to them, they quantify it in their mind , " I don't eat peanut butter like she does, so I am safe.". It is utter BS to think that you were in some way in control of this happening.

For the record (just as seachain said) :I had Z-E-R-O family history, my entire adult life I did not smoke, ate a totally organic, close to vegetarian diet, drank green tea, ran at least 4 miles a day/6days a week and did weightbearing excercise, maintained a super healthy body weight, breast fed my children whom I had prior to the age of 30, took a vitamin D supplement for years, had a low stress life, donated to charity, helped the homeless and I got Bilateral BC, yes both sides also at 41! Oh, and genetics turned up nothing. It just happens, it is crappy, unfair and so, so scary but it happens. People have all kinds of ignorance about BC - I had a friend who told me I should insist on chemo and radiation, despite 2 oncologists agreeing neither were necessary, she still wouldn't have it - like she knows better than Dr's that have practiced for years? She still rattles on about how SHE would have done everything available - I hope she never has to make that decision or walk this path.

When I was Dx in May, I had a 'good friend' inform me it was because I had my 3 children too close together! Really??? Another wished me "Happy Birthday" and hoped I'd live to see 42? They just say silly things, disengage brain/open mouth. I distanced myself from them, because I needed support (just as you do) not a finger pointed at what I did wrong (in their mind). Forgive people their ignorance, know that it makes them uncomfortable, and if they still persist - let them go. You decided to take action on something that at your age, you could have brushed off 'knowing' it was nothing. Don't feel bound by what (others or you think) you did wrong, be empowered by what you did right. Stay strong. The people on here are brilliant!

there is a great magazine called CURE that you should get a copy of, this months copy that I just got in the mail has good info exactly for someone in your situation, I am sure you can down load it online

People who opine that it was somehow your fault are engaging in a form of magical thinking---a way of denying that it could happen to them. The thought that BC can strike at random is so terrifying to them that they put it out of their mind and grasp at any straws (even imaginary) that would reassure them that they're immune. Forgive them, they know not what they say.

Welcome msbisa! I have found that the less talking about it I do the better. Just a few select people who are truly supportive get the day to day rundown of what I'm going through. Not that I mind talking about it so much, but other people find the situation very uncomfortable and really don't know what to say, which usually turns into an awkward encounter for both of us. So I save them the trouble of having to insert foot in mouth, by not bringing it up unless I absolutely have to. Of course I don't look like I have cancer (no chemo) so I can get away with keeping things very private.

For those times when you can't avoid those less than supportive comments, you might want to check out this thread, where laughter is the best medicine. Some of the stupid stuff folks say is pretty freaking funny when sharing with people who really get it.

I will say though, I've really learned something from all this. Such as what an idiot I was every time I opened my mouth when my aunt had BC several years ago, but I had no idea at the time. I don't think most people do it on purpose.