I just can't do this!!

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etnasgrl
etnasgrl Member Posts: 650
edited November 2015 in Just Diagnosed

Guys....I just can't. I can't process one more thing. My stress level is through the roof, I can't eat, (I think the last time I ate was at some point on Thursday, before my world caved in.), I can't do anything but cry and pray the same line over and over again...."God, I need you."

We went to the ER at 3:00 yesterday afternoon. My husband had just been sent by the doctor to have an ultrasound of his gallbladder. He was headed home when the doctor's nurse called him and told him to go to the ER right away, he would need surgery to remove his gallbladder.
He came home first so he could pack a bag and pick me up. (We're down to just one vehicle right now because my car has been dead for months.) I made arrangements for my dad, (who has NO idea about my current health issue), to swing by and pick up our son.
So we get to the ER, sign in and wait. And wait. And wait. At 7:00pm, we are still waiting. Not in a bed somewhere, in the ER waiting room, to go back to the ER. I grab a nurse and explain to her that we're here about my husband's gallbladder, but he is diabetic and has not eaten anything. He needs to eat so he can take his meds, but we don't know what to do because he's supposed to maybe have surgery?
She checks his chart and brings us back to triage. She asked, "Now why did your doctor send you to the ER?" We explain the story to her. She seems very surprised and says, "I don't understand why they would do that. The doctor on call in the ER would only send you for surgery if it was an absolute emergency and from the looks of you, it doesn't appear that way." My husband and I agreed. The nurse told us that if it were her, she would contact the doctor's office on Monday, get a referral for a general surgeon and move on from there.
So, we left.
We picked up our son from my dad's, stopped at Walmart so we could pick up some bland food for my DH to eat until we can get this taken care of, (rice, toast, applesauce, bananas, etc.), and finally got back home around 9:30pm

I wake up this morning to a note that my DH left for me. His stomach is bloated after eating rice and applesauce, like he's not digesting his food and he can't use the bathroom. He asked that I please call the on-call doctor from our doctor's office this morning to explain what happened last night and see what, if anything, we should do this weekend.
And the topper???
I have my first appointment with MD Anderson Monday morning at 8:00am at the medical center in downtown Houston. I have to leave the house no later than 6:00am in order to get there because traffic will be a nightmare. If my DH is sick or in the hospital, I'll have to go alone and they told me that I need to have someone with me for that first appointment.
I just don't know what to do.

I'm so scared that my DH is really sick and I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I'm so scared that I'm really sick and I don't want anything to happen to me.
I'm trying to keep a happy, normal face for my son because I don't want him scared.
I just need normal. And I won't have normal for a very, very, very long time


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  • rainnyc
    rainnyc Member Posts: 1,289
    edited November 2015

    Etnasgirl, you can do this. I promise! First of all, who is in your life who can help besides your dad? Second of all, how old is your DS? Will he be in school on Monday? If not, who will look after him?

    I agree with your DH: Call the on-call doctor now about his gall bladder. Cancer is scary, but it's also something that can wait a little bit if your DH is ill. Sounds as if he's going to need surgery, and you need his doctor to tell you how urgent it is. Find out if he needs to go to the ER now, or if he needs to be there first thing Monday or whatever.

    If he's going in for surgery right away, i.e. in the next couple of days, just call MD Anderson and explain and ask if they can give you an appointment later in the week or even a week from Monday. I know you want to get in there right away, but you'll be pretty caught up in caring for DH and keeping things on an even keel for DS.

    I've not had gall bladder surgery, but two of my in-laws have had it in the past year, and their recovery wasn't too bad. DH will be okay.

    Meanwhile, you are fortunate in having an extraordinary cancer center in driving distance. You will be well cared for and have access to cutting edge treatment.

    So for now, it's all about logistics. If you and DH both need to be treated on Monday (surgery for him, cancer appointment for you), you will need friends and relatives for help: someone to look after DS, someone to drive DH if you need to drive to Houston. And you may want someone with you as well, for moral support and to help you take notes, ask questions.

    Good luck--let us know how it goes. As above: you can do this!

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  • 123JustMe
    123JustMe Member Posts: 385
    edited June 2016
    Etnasgrl, I am so sorry! You have so much on your plate right now and I completely understand all the stress that your feeling. Sending hugs and prayers and hopefully someone will be along soon with some suggestions.
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  • farmerlucy
    farmerlucy Member Posts: 3,985
    edited November 2015

    Sometimes when it rains it pours. :(


    Sorry things are so tough right now. I'd prioritize your crisis in your mind if you can. I had gall bladder surgery three years ago. It was very easy and I barely remember it. It was outpatient and I was functioning ok the next day. Any chance MD Anderson can be pushed back a couple days to get your DH stable and participating? You are going to need him to lean on. One step at a time.
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  • etnasgrl
    etnasgrl Member Posts: 650
    edited November 2015

    Thank you everyone for the support.
    I know that I can do this, it's just so overwhelming.....I guess it got the better of me for a while.

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  • 3-16-2011
    3-16-2011 Member Posts: 559
    edited November 2015

    wow This sounds like an overwhelming situation but you are doing it. Through hughe stress you are caring for your son and husband amazing!

    My few words of (I hope wisdom). Please let your treatment providers know what is going on. This. is a step my most independent self might skip. That way your doctors can work with you so treatment works in your life.(like delay start if that is reasonable.

    Sending you positive thoughts of healing.

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  • LisaAlissa
    LisaAlissa Member Posts: 1,092
    edited November 2015

    I'm so sorry everything is happening at once. And it seems to be you've gotten good advice.

    Your husband's situation sounds like an emergency. (If he can't use the bathroom, I understand that as an emergency.) Your medical situation is serious and needs attention, but it's not an emergency...it took years to develop and rescheduling as appointment for a week (or two or three) seems unlikely to be a medical problem for you.

    Consider recording medical consultations. Between you and your husband and the complicated logistics, it seems to me that you're at risk of not remembering much of what you're told by your (and his) various medical consultants. Consider asking them if you can record consultations. Particularly yours!

    It can be very hard to hear, comprehend, retain and be able to consider the ramifications of complicated (and unfamiliar!) medical information when your emotions are as (understandably) fraught as yours are. So from here on out, when you make an initial appointment, ask if you can record. Many docs will be just fine with you recording. If they are, then you can re-listen as many times as you like. (My docs have always been ok with it--it lets them assume you have at least heard what they've told you without your having to ask again.) You don't need to record every interaction, just the consultations where the docs explain, educate and tell you all the things you should know, but will be too "shellshocked" while they're talking to you to retain for later.

    Call MDAnderson today and reschedule your appointment. Tell the scheduler why you are rescheduling. If you can't get through to anyone today, leave a detailed message (plan it out before you call, so that you can leave a brief, concise, but detailed message). Something like:

    This is _____________. My phone # is ____________I have an initial appointment with Dr. _____________ at 8 am Monday. As requested I planned to have my husband come with me.

    However my husband has been in & out of emergency rooms last night and tonight. His medical situation is not yet diagnosed/settled. Surgery may (or may not) be imminent. And of course I am his support person as well.

    Can I reschedule my appointment for the next soonest date on ___________ or after? Please give me a call at ____________.

    When you actually talk with the scheduler/office person, you can go into more detail and explain how pleased you are that Dr. ____ is going to see you. When you get a rescheduled appointment, ask about recording.

    Childcare. Sounds like things may be a bit chaotic for your family. You will need to make arrangements. Is there someone who can be an on-call person for the next couple of days? Someone who will not alarm your son. A relative, mother of a best friend? I'm not a parent, so I can't really be helpful here.

    But it seems to me that he will know that something is going on, and if you can say something to him that makes sense of the dislocations of the next few days, he's likely to sail through it more easily, since it will be something he was expecting (since you told him about it). If he's very young, perhaps something as simple as Daddy needs to see some doctors, but since we didn't have appointments, we have to wait for them. So you will __________________ while we are off where we need to be to wait for them.

    Best wishes as you navigate your husband's issues. Yours can wait a bit...although certainly not too long.

    LisaAlissa


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  • MelissaDallas
    MelissaDallas Member Posts: 7,268
    edited November 2015

    Etna, I know it seems impossible, but you will put one foot in front of the other and you WILL walk out the other side of this. Hugs

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  • mesharon1959
    mesharon1959 Member Posts: 16
    edited November 2015

    Etnasgrl - sorry you are going through so much. I had gallstones 6 years ago. I was diagnosed by my Dr., sent to a specialist, scheduled a surgery and was put on a strict diet (to curb the attacks), and didn't have surgery for 6 weeks. It was outpatient, done arthroscopically, and I was out of the office for two days. The gall bladder usually isn't an emergency procedure like the appendix is - usually it's simple and non urgent.

    Having said that, you've probably got things sorted out by now, and I hope all is well in your camp!!

    HUGS!!

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  • etnasgrl
    etnasgrl Member Posts: 650
    edited November 2015

    So sorry....forgot to update!

    I am VERY happy to report that my husband had the surgery yesterday, it went well, and he is home now recovering. Whew!
    When it rains, it pours!

    Thank you to everyone who responded, you are all wonderful! The stress just got to me and I was SO overwhelmed!

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited November 2015

    That's so great to hear. I totally understand why that would be so stressful. Hugs to you.

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