Starting Chemo March 2015

Sharon. So sorry. It's probably nothing. Several people have had such lumps and bumps and they turn out to be scar tissue. Sending a hug.

I love your outlook, T! That's exactly what I tell myself when I start to worry.

So far, insomnia, fatigue, and mild hot flashes have been my biggest issues with the AI. It has been very tolerable

I might get the hard pea checked. I hear you about another thing!

I went to the doc yesterday for a migraine. well, last time they gave me a very small dose of meds. this time they wanted to give me a real dose. My husband had just got back from hunting. Now I had asked him to take me to the doctor but he seemed to be in real shit ass mood. So when he said he was tired I said ok, I'll go alone. I ended up driving home to get him, to drive me home after my dose. Well he was not happy. I could tell. He was weird when he got back from hunting and has actually been odd for a while now. He quit his antidepressants. I am really stressed about this. I don't feel like this is the time. It is his choice though, but now I have to deal with the wired and almost manic version of my husband or the really down and depressed version. Last night after my meds kicked in, he said well good, I will just keep working for insurance. I wasn't looking for that. More like I was looking a consolatory hug or word of encouragement. I offer plenty. Now I know that he is off again I will have to "deal" with him. I hate that so much. During chemo and all of my illness I have done my best not to be weak . When I did wake up after my nap it was 9:30 nothing had been done. It was passive aggressive bs and he knows it. Ugh. Sorry for the vent

God, Amber. I am so sorry. Vent all you want.

I'm sorry. It's not a good time for interpersonal stress!

Thanks ladies. He did get a deer and was a real shit that I didn't jump up to get it bagged and frozen. This is why I hate it when he is off. He can't even see his behavior. I spoke with him on the phone and he is wired. So when he gets home he will talk about work. And not just for a few minutes this will be for hours. I hate this so much. It's not healthy. When I say hours it's not a joke. HTe alternative is complete seclusion. I am a difficult wife. the stroke has left me in constant pain, with constant health issues and now I have breast cancer. He should not be ashamed that he needs meds. I have even tried to get him to see someone. That was sht down quickly. Ok. I'm done! I know there are bigger issues but this is a huge ugly cloud lingering over my house right now. I feel like I have to watch him to keep him calm although nothing I say helps.

Its ok. I just need to vent or know I am heard. I don't want to talk to my family about it. I think that is a bad idea YKWIM?

Vent all you like!

LOl Italy he seems ok right now. I hope it lasts. For now I'm going to work on the situ in the kitchen and have a lemon drop

ok Amber, just saying, haha! My first husband was a big hunter, so I can relate. Growing up in Illinois, I had a shotgun shell reloader. Yes, it became mine because he expected me to do all the shell reloading. And I can't tell you how many ducks and geese I plucked and singed. Those were my jobs too. And fish I cleaned, etc. He went and got the animals and fish, and I had to clean everything. So when you made the comment about getting the deer bagged, etc., I was mentally right with you. But I hope he settles down, you deserve all the support you can get right now!

Lemon drop, as in the alcoholic drink? yum!

Okay, hair question. How are people getting their hair cut? I don't have poodle curls, just lots of wave, which for my hair usually settles down once my hair is longer. I am concerned about going to get a haircut and having the stylist take off too much. Any input, or instructions you gave your stylist? Like I had a poof at the crown of my head, but it has settled down and I definitely don't want that back. I felt like an old lady with it. And what about around the ears? It is shaggy there, but I want it to grow out, so kind of at a loss as to what to do.

Sharon, hugs, I will be thinking about you. For about 3-4 days, I had this little dot at the side of my breast where I got the surgery, but outside the surgical area. It was kind of like a pimple thing with no head, tiny. Just as I was getting ready to be concerned, it went away. Will we ever run our hands over our boobs again without fear?

One of the entertaining aspects of all of this for me is having other women with short hair around. It's like a lesbian convention, or going to Amsterdam or something.

I have never had to pluck or singe a carcass, though I have read the sections on how to strip a squirrel and remove various scent glands in the previous edition of Joy of Cooking. And I've had to marinate the tofu.

Another great thing about lesbianism (at least in its feminist version) is how little plucking I've endured.

Hi, again.

I'm really looking forward to these next few days in Mexico, away from the cold weather that torments my feet. It will also help pass the time until I see my MO on the 24th, just after I get back.

I did go to my "satellite" clinic on Tuesday to talk to the generalist MO there about my pathology report on my "prophylactic" mx, which showed 6.3 cm of DCIS and LCIS (er/pr positive this time, as compared to the triple negative IDC and DCIS found on the right side). Frankly, I'm a bit freaked out by it all. My generalist at the satellite cancer clinic said, "I felt bad for you when I read your report", which I didn't find particularly reassuring. She says that she has never seen anything quite like it - to have synchronous bilateral carcinomas that are er/pr positive DCIS, er/pr positive LCIS, triple negative DCIS and triple negative IDC all in the same patient. The path reports suggest that most of the pathologists at the lab reviewed the findings before they were released, and they also pulled up the results from the January mx as well. She recommended that I book an appointment with the specialist MO, who will likely take it before a tumor board to consider what steps to take next.

My understanding, as imperfect as it may be, is that the recommended treatment guidelines for er/pr positive DCIS/LCIS is either lumpectomy+radiation or mastectomy, with possible endocrine (hormone) therapy added. Chemotherapy is not part of the equation., and I've had the mastectomy. BUT... my path findings seem sufficiently strange that maybe the recommended treatment guidelines won't apply in my case. This has thrown me back to that place, just after diagnosis, where there isn't a defined treatment plan. Not a happy place, but perhaps the 24th will bring news, or at least a plan.

Hugs,

Avmom, what a wonderful charm and story. It made me feel taller and confident, knowing we all built the bracelet together.

Ksusan, you are a hoot with your sarcastic wit! I totally get the lesbian short hair connection. I got a lot of funny looks when I visited southern Illinois at the end of August. Screw 'em!

I think Eileen was getting a haircut and going to post a picture, but I haven't seen it yet.