other women's breasts

amyc197, thank you so much for having the courage to write about this annoying and haunting problem.  I have had the same feelings for so long -- since my first mastectomy, in 1995. It is both frustrating and depressing. Seeing this written down so clearly helps me feel I am not as much of an oddball as I thought I was. 

I find myself fascinated with cleavage on TV. I never really noticed before and now I feel sad and envious when I see women about my age and think " I used to look that good too". Another hit to body image. It's like being pecked to death by a million ducks.

Lol. This is such a funny topic!!! One I can relate to. I have to catch myself because I watch breast regularly, somewhat out of envy. The naturalness of it all. Funny, a little over 2 months ago I never paid attention. I look at old pictures of myself and tear up missing my old breast. I watched video of my niece's wedding. I had on the cutest dress & my girls were jiggling and moving. It's not that they were perfect. 34C after 2 kids in a 41 yr old. Lol. But when I saw them I was like oh my freaking God, they were nice. Lol



These things I have now don't jiggle, I have no nipples, there's no feeling whatsoever. A long healing scar going across both breast. It's so depressing. I feel like frankenbarbie. I talked to my asshole sis and was telling her my issues. She started laughing hard and say "wait take a pix of them with ur phone & email it back!" So insensitive



So at work I watch the women. They laugh hard and their breast move with them. mine just sit there and unless im stomping. Theres no movement...Everything there's can do makes me think of what mine can't do.



U truly never miss ur water til ur well runs dry. I miss my girls. I miss my nipples. Aren't breast defined by nipples. I mean on TV they can show every side of the naked breast and as much of the breast without penalty unless nipple shows. I've seen tv shows where women are only wearing those little pasties over the nipple and its not indecent

i haven't had my mx yet but i already started looking at other women's breasts. i just think, wow how nice to keep the real thing, regardless they are big, small, perky or droopy.

softness - wow, your sis was so insensitive...

lleonescu - your post made me sad, and i want to say if you find a good therapist or counselor you will probably feel a little better. don't let your breasts define you. you are a brave, beautiful woman and your character and you body make up the whole you. too bad we can't keep our breast(s) but they don't define you.

i watched a documentary, the name is "happy" on netflix. this woman had a fight with her SIL who drove away in anger and accidentally her glove/hand was caught in the car door handle. she was dragged for a while face down. her face was ruined. her husband left her and her son stood by her. later she met a man and they got married. her personality/character shined thru in that short clips while she's talking. she's radiant. don't give up hope.

I recognize myself in what you write. I too tend to get almost obsessed with noticing boobs everywhere and how beautiful they are regardless of size, shape, etc. Because they are REAL. I have a different story, did not have cancer but had my breasts removed because of other reasons that were painful too, and I'm not too happy with my reconstructed breasts. They could have been much worse, but they could have been better too. At least I'm glad that they look normal when I'm dressed, it's possible to hide them but I am afraid to show myself to any man, if the occasion would come.

Anyway I know I'm not the only one who feels this way and that comforts, and also for me it could have been worse, like loosing an arm or a leg, I sometimes comfort myself with thinking like that.

Oh Amyc, I feel your pain. But I'm 57. I've been inflating my TEs for months - only to have the non-cancer side deflated @60% because of the rads I will be starting in a few weeks. Nope, couldn't deflate both breast the same. The non-cancer side has to be smaller than the breast being targeted by the Rad- And, it does make since. But, Talking about lopsided! And I will remain lopsided through most of 2016 as my PS requires you to wait a year after rads before he will exchange the fake, fake boobs - for the real fake boobs.

When I started the TE inflating - I was (and am) very confused as to what size I want to be. Well, call the one good thinkg about the set-back - My goal was to wear the same size bra as I did before, C. But when I inflated them to the point where I could wear my old bras, my breasts looked so much different - actually looked bigger, rounder, with no sag. Also hard as rocks. Oddly enough, the side they deflated still fits my C bra - just not near as full, and the deflated side is suddenly much softer and "squishy" - ALMOST like normal - with even a little more sag and much less the large round rock still on my cancer, inflated size. The good thing I see in this - I'm almost likeing the deflated side better. But, I've lots of time to decide.

As for the sex - I heard, and it really made since - Men are not as into our body image and you would think. If you are a vessel for their sexual satisfaction - when it comes right down - they aren't thinking about your body flaws, or even your perfections during sex - they are just thinking about the act itself.

Even though I'm bald, lopsided, have scars - I've been shocked at how many men have asked me out - and really seem to want to share my company - most of them are even hoping that eventually they will end up in by bed. And here I am an older woman!

But, as for me, I'm not ready to start a serious relation untill I finish all treatments. I know that my emotions are going to be out of wack until I see this through. And, if the right man, hopefully a Christian man willing to commit to a life long relationship - I might consider it. I also believe that most good me are really anxious to show that share intamacy with you - and show you what a loving man (performer, even) regaurdless of any flaws we might have.

When the right man comes into your life - I believe you will find great comfort, acceptance, and freedom in the bedroom. Ya'll might even share a more intamate and honest sexual relationship than women who have not gone through this mutilation, poisoning, and burning. Scars are an intimate and very personal thing - And it should be a man's honor that you have trusted him with the most vulnerable, intamate, parts of yourself. When I was a young woman, I felt a bit like you were writing - ashamed of my c-section scars- but it became a non-issue immeidately - my husband would even caress my scars. I truly knew it did not matter to him in the slightest.

Now, I do understand there is a huge difference between c-section scars- and mastectomy scars. And if your partner is also your husband, that puts you ahead in all the insecurity issues.

But I do believe that when you get through your last treatments, there is a man out there when you are ready, to bring your sexuality to great heights.

You still have too many emotions to be worried about such things at this time. You will feel wanted and beautiful again - and when that happens - you'll wonder why in the world you ever envied the "flawless" women. And on a side note, I promise you that even these "flawless" women, have many insecurities of their own (my thighs are too big, arms to skinny, acne skin, love handles, eyes to close together, nose not shapped right - well, you get the point!) Hang in there! It's going to be better than you ever imagined!

Blessings!

My new breasts are only a month old so I'm still adjusting. I insisted on a few things which make me feel a little better about losing my old breasts. For one, since I was on the smaller size I asked for a nipple sparing, direct to implant surgery. And I interviewed 3 plastic surgeons before I felt comfortable with someone who had the skill set. And I asked for anatomically (gummy bear) correct implants.

When I woke up I knew I couldn't have handled expanders. The 475 cc 410s were VERY tight, but in 3 weeks that eased off. After some padding in a few months I think I'll be happy. I'm pretty pleased now, but have a few diverts and places needing fat transplants. I know I would have been begging to remove the expanders before I got to a B. So I really empathize with those of you going 3+ months with expanders. Honestly, if you're a C or less and don't do radiation first, nipple sparing is an option. My incision is underneath so it's almost hidden.

And I almost full feeling in one breast and some in the other.

There's many new techniques that can help us feel better, but I'd be quite sad and unhappy if I did anything else although I was prepared to get some beautiful tattoos if the nipple sparing didn't work. The implants feel foreign and I'm very sore after having ancillary lymph nodes removed. I don't want to say this route is without difficulties; I just feel I have as much of my old breasts as it reasonable.

I am not missing my old breasts. I hate them because they tried to kill me.

Maybe I'm also fortunate for having (after many surgeries and quite a few years of discomfort) a very nice and quite natural looking reconstruction, so even if I sometimes envy one woman or another's breasts it's the same as I did before BC - I mean, come on, see a 20+ with a 30DD all perky and not have a little bit of jealousy? But otherwise, yes, I do look at other women's breasts and most of the time I think "haha, I'm older than you and my boobs look better than yours and will be looking better til the day I die! It's payback, bitches!". And I feel like I deserve this, it's my little bright shining silver lining, for which I paid dearly, with months of suffering and tears. I'm worth it.

Give it some time. Once all is said and done and your recon is over a year old and things had time to settle, you will love it. You will be proud of it. Look at it like it's your own personal Nobel prize.

Now if we talk about feeling, and especially feeling in the nipples .... sigh.

I know this is an old thread, but i"m glad I found it. I have so much envy of other's breasts too. No one I try to talk to about it (family) understands - even my Mom. I am 46 years old and was married at the time of my bilateral mastectomy close to 7 years ago. My husband at the time encouraged it as the best thing to do. I cried all the way to my appointment and the nurse had to talk to me right before surgery to get me to go into the surgery prep area. I loved my breasts and I loved their sensation. What's worse is that I removed them prophylactically - as I was told I was high risk for new cancer because I was only age 39 at diagnosis. I divorced less than a year later and am still single. The surgeon did a good job at delayed reconstruction, but I have lots of scarring and almost non-existent nipples - still no tattoo. I told my Mom it's like I have PTSD about my breasts (nipples mostly). I am in super good physical shape, but feel less than other women and not desirable. I feel like - Yeah, you like how I look when you see me, but that's because you don't really know what's underneath.

I am glad I found this thread because it makes me feel like not the only one out there. I know I need to come to grips with it, but here I am 7 years later, I am overwhelmed still.