how I can offer my help, etc., to my sister-in-law

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LHS67
LHS67 Member Posts: 1
edited November 2015 in Surgery - Before, During, and After

She is in Hickory, NC and I am in North Florida. My brother is with her and a great deal of support to help her.

Since she was first diagnosed in March, and gone through cemo, etc .which put her in hospital on 2 different occasions ( very ill). I have asked my brother? Should / Could I come up to help in anyway? He was going through hip replacement at the same time! ! They do have adult son available to help out.

Brother said that waiting until some time after first of the year.

I just feel like I should be able to do more for them ? I know we all need our privacy honored! ?!?

Suggestions ?

Things that might be offered from a distance, pampered, funny, food, nail tech , ? What do you think? I know the issues of mood swings she has on daily basis all through the years?

I'm just needing to here from someone. Don't really have the time to read through all the forums,etc.

I look forward to hearing from someone else who's been a patient or close relative, friend.

Thank you for your kindness.

Regards

Donna


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  • IamNancy
    IamNancy Member Posts: 1,158
    edited November 2015

    Donna - if your brother doesn't want you to come there until the first of the year, why not send a weekly - thinking of you card .. I know I loved getting cards .. it will let her know you care..

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  • farmerlucy
    farmerlucy Member Posts: 3,985
    edited November 2015

    A caring, consistent, contact is a great idea. Generally people make the initial contact (visit, call, flowers, meal) and that is it. A weekly phone call would be good. Allow her to really talk, you just listen. Ask open ended questions like "How was your week?" For us it isn't over when treatment ends. It takes times to recover physically and emotionally.

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  • octogirl
    octogirl Member Posts: 2,804
    edited November 2015

    As someone in active treatment, I can understand why they might not want visitors from a distance right now: especially if you'd stay with them. For me, I don't need the physical presence of someone else to help but just feeling like I have to clean my house or even change the sheets for guests, seems like too much right now. Having house guests or even visitors to the house feels overwhelming. I've been discouraging out of town visitors for that reason. (If I had small kids I *might* feel differently as I'd want someone to help with the kids but it sounds like your SIL is not in that category).

    However, I REALLY appreciate those who check in, with cards and emails in particular, because I can read them when I need a boost. What I've loved most of all are the 'care packages' I've gotten from two friends who live a distance a way, and from my daughter. Just fill a big box with thoughtful little gifts that make you think of her and send it. Items to include might be: books, magazines, a CD or two, hats or scarves, herbal teas, snack foods, chocolate, maybe a little stuffed animal....part of the fun is the variety! And of course, a little gift or two for your brother and a note thanking him for supporting her, would be appreciated too!

    You are very thoughtful to reach out like this, and I know your SIL and brother will appreciate your efforts.

    Hugs;

    Octogirl

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  • octogirl
    octogirl Member Posts: 2,804
    edited November 2015
    I also agree with the idea of regular contact although I will say that I personally prefer cards and emails to a phone call. I am just not big on sharing over the phone, and have never liked talking on the phone, period. Honestly, if one of my sisters were to call and ask, 'how was your week?' I'd probably just answer 'fine' (even though it wasn't) and that would be the end of that. I'd be more likely to write details if they had sent an email asking the same thing. But that is just me and everyone is different. You probably know your SIL well enough to judge which she'd prefer.

    Octogirl
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  • sandcastle
    sandcastle Member Posts: 587
    edited November 2015

    Really?? Cards are the BEST!!  I, just wanted to be with my husband and Children....that was enough for me....Liz

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