The shock is being replaced with fear!

etnasgrl · November 2015

I think that the shock is slowly ebbing away and it's being replaced with fear. Fear, because I don't really know anything....I have no information other than it's IDC, that's it. I'm hoping that once I have more info, learn just what I'm dealing with, and form a treatment plan.....I will begin to feel a bit better or at the very least, not so fearful?

My mother was diagnosed at age 42, so I always knew that I had a higher risk factor and began mammograms at age 30. (I'm 41 now.) While it was always in the back of mind that breast cancer could happen to me, I never really, honestly thought that it would, you know? Don't those things always happen to someone else??

Can anyone offer up some suggestions on how to handle this fear? I'm a Christian and I do believe in the power of prayer, (and thankfully, have a lot of people praying for me!). It's okay to be afraid, I just don't want to be led by fear or overwhelmed with it.
I am blessed that I have a good support system, I know that will help as the days go by. I am married, (my husband has been terrific!), and have three children, a 23 year old step-son, a 20 year old step-daughter, and an 11 year old son. Right now, my kids do not know what is going on. I don't want to tell them anything until I have more info and know what I am facing.
In the short time that I have been here, this place and you amazing ladies have been wonderful so thank you so very much for that. Knowing that I am not alone is comforting. There is strength in numbers!

proudtospin · November 2015

my dear, you have a totally natural reaction, personally, I could not talk about my diagnosis when at your stage, Was down right rude really to my SIL. But as I met with my docs, things came together, Turned out my wonderful and long time PCD referred me to one of the best BS in the state and I met with her within a week of my bad mamo. We started to talk about a plan, and included what my BS called long term preventive treatment to make sure it was completely gone.

Treatment seems to have worked, I am 7 years out and my MO calls me cured.

Get a good team together and do listen to their advise. If at any time you are not comfortable, get a second opinion. Best wishes, you are lucky to have a good support system. Now, deep breath~~ Any questions, come on back here and someone will help you

rainnyc · November 2015

Etnasgirl, fear is a natural reaction, but you know that. I think the worst time is before there is a plan in place. Once you have a medical team whom you trust and you know what's to happen, it's a lot easier to handle. I was diagnosed in April, started chemo in May, and spent the few weeks between diagnosis and treatment assuming that I would not live until June. That, as it turned out, was not a helpful or rational response, as you might guess. It takes a little while to adjust to the new reality. I think it might be harder for you because of your mother's history, but the treatments available now are so different and--from what I can tell, more effective--than when she was diagnosed. I think your decision to hold off on telling people until you know more is a good one. And you don't have to tell everyone all at once. Not everyone in your life needs to know at first--or even at all, in some cases.

Be gentle with yourself and let us know how it goes.

LivingThis · November 2015

Etnasgirl - I was diagnosed in early September and every day brought a new emotion. First shock and feeling scatter-brained mixed in with a bit of disbelief...then fear...then confusion about treatments. During those early days... I reached out to my nurse practitioner, my friends (I have some friends who work in healthcare who were able to get me in touch with experts)...I bought Dr. Susan Love's breast book...and I posted on these discussion boards and got the most wonderful support. I agree with rainnyc and proudtospin - once you have a treatment team put together (surgeon and oncologist) that you trust and you have more concrete information...the fear gets better. Once I got my "head in the game" and had a plan...things got easier. Find a surgeon/oncologist that you trust and don't be afraid to get second opinions. All good healthcare providers know that the most important thing is for you to feel like you have made the right decision for YOU. I had a lumpectomy and sentinel lymph node removal in early October for my invasive ductal carcinoma. Because of the size of my lump and the hormone receptor status, I am also having chemo. I had my second treatment yesterday and am doing great! I wish you the very best!

farmerlucy · November 2015

That fear is terrible. I didn't handle it very well. Here are things that helped.

Meds. Short term anti anxiety meds were made for times like these. Also longer term antidepressants help a lot too. One that is compatible w Tamoxifen would be a good choice.

Exercise. Nothing like getting the endorphins going to ease the spirit.

A loud exciting movie at the theater also helps to get your mind off cancer for a couple hours.

Talking to an independent third person. I met with a Care Ministries volunteer from my church for about an hour a week. That was an immense help and gave my DH a break from hearing about all my fears as well.

I think we breast cancer daughters do take the dx hard. You won't always have the gripping fear you have now but it will take time to ease the terror. Hang in there. Find a safe place here at BCO and lean on us. Gentle hug.

Brutersmom · November 2015

etnasgrl I don't think anyone believes it can happen to them. I have no family history of Cancer in my family before they reached the age of 75. Remember even as a Christian we are still human and have the same emotions as everyone else. Give yours self time and allow your self to work through the process. Fear is a natural response but it will lesson as you get answers and start on treatment. Don't be afraid to get a second opinion from a different hospital. Be prepared for you friends Christian and non to say stupid things. They are human too. Cancer is a journey. Take it one step at a time and remember when you feel like God has stopped listening he is just holding you.

etnasgrl · November 2015

Thank you everyone! I can not tell you how valuable this place is to me. (Well, I'm sure you understand that, so no words are needed!)
I'm feeling a little bit better than I was this morning. I'm learning that my emotions ebb and flow like the tide. One moment I'm okay, the next, I'm not. Normal, I suppose.

Instead of being overwhelmed by my fear, which was quickly happening, I decided to become proactive. While I can't do very much right now, I can do something. So, I contacted MD Anderson to see if they had received my referral yet, from my family practice doctor. They had not, but the woman that I spoke with promised to contact my doctor's office, to try to speed the process along for me.
Less than two hours later, I received a call back from MD Anderson, stating that they had received the referral. They took some info from me, along with my insurance info and then told me that a patient advisor would be contacting me shortly to go over a few things and then schedule my first appointment with the surgical oncologist.
The patient advisor called, but I was in the shower. (Figures!) She left a message to return her call. I did, but then got her voicemail, (phone tag is such fun!), so I left her a message. Now, I'm just waiting to hear from her again. I also contacted my health insurance to verify that MD Anderson is in network and thank God, they are!
Now that I have taken some small steps, I feel more in control. Ha! I know that I am NOT in control at all....but doing something, no matter how small, has helped.

On a different note, my husband has been dealing with a nasty stomach bug since Monday evening. He finally went to the doctor today and the doctor thinks that it may be his gallbladder. He is at the hospital right now, having a CT scan. If it is his gallbladder, he will need surgery to remove it.
When it rains, it pours!!! If you are the praying kind, please pray for some extra strength. I can sure use it!

The shock is being replaced with fear!

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