When your partner has had enough. ...

IdeaI am so sorry. How long gave u been together, he is probably so scared he has no idea   what to do our hours to feel.  Is he will willing to go too counseling. Tell him u r just add scared and had no idea what to do. Tell him how you feel. Do u love him.

Sorry to hear about your situation which I can emphasize with. When I was in college 35+ yrs back my mother got cancer of the cervix and died. I did everything I could but it wasn't enough. i also didn't know what I was dealing with. She was laid off 3 months later , had no insurance & I tried to take her to the Dr's & pay cash and they wouldn't take my money

My wife got lung cancer in 2005 and had her left lung removed because the cancer was so entwined around the heart they couldn't be sure of getting it all. She hadn't smoked for 28 years if you want to know. Chemo 12 dose & radiation 8 doses and after surviving the nueroupothy? and nerve damage got better & went back to work. No more trips to the Swiss Alps for that girl.

She got it again in 2010 & went thru the same hell & I was with her for every visit. She was taking Advastin which supposedly keeps the cancer cells in a limbo state. The cancer came back in 2013 and they pronounced her terminal and couldn't wait to get her out of the hospital (Sutter Health). I decided to do home hospice and I had her at home for 21 months. After 4/5 months of dealing with ineffectual and transient caregivers ( Yes, they get burned out. It's a damn stressful job taking care of people especially if they are terminal and not recuperating) I had a Tongan woman come to take care of her. More on that later.

A few months into my wife Sally's care I heard stories about other people that had a loved one or spouse with cancer & was told about one guy that upon finding out his wife had cancer, divorced her. I thought that was so low rent & what apiece of work this guy was. I should also tell you that my wife was not intimate with me for over ten years & I was seriously considering divorcing her. And yes I could have stepped out on her like a lot of men (and women do ) but I wasn't raised that way. So when the shit hit the fan I bucked it up & took care of her as best as I psychologically & physically could.

Two months before My wife passed away on January 2015 I took my caregiver to an appt. for a mammogram. One thing led to another and the next thing you know it turns out she has breast cancer. After being with her constantly for over probably 7 months I had become genuinely quite fond of her and the way she treated my wife when she was alive. And no it wasn't simply a transfer of affection that I missed . Thought a lot about that. I just really cared for her. I told her that I had lost 2 women I loved and I wouldn't lose a third. I told her i would back her play and decisions in any way I could no matter the consequences. I am still trying to help her now while everyone else is sitting on their hands doing nothing or berating her for seeking alternative treatment instead of going to a regular doctor. And the really sad part of it that I don't think she loves me. She just sees me as the person that will fight for her life when no one else will.

The point i am making is that there are people that just can't handle stress or stand up and do the right thing and your husband is one them. You sound like you are strong enough that even though you loved him you know you need to walk away and focus on yourself. You do not have the time or energy to fight two battles at once. You have to think about yourself and being around for the kids even if he won't. He's not a "real" man and although this is not the best time to find out it is what it is. There are also people that will stand with you when everything is peachy and you have money in the bank and as soon as things get tight they decide that the ride was nice but now that it's getting bumpy it's time to find another . These are people who have no sense of commitment other then to themselves.

I share your pain because I am finding things out and being told about negative things regarding the person that I am trying to help. These people are not saying these things because they want to dish dirt on someone else but because they think I am being taken advantage of. this causes me great stress & has inhibited to a degree my willinness to help this person knowing full well that I might have been just another notch in their belt. The problem is that I know what I am doing is the right thing to do irregardless and then afterwards I will pick up the pieces and start over. You need to start over too. God Bless.

I have been in an abusive relationship for 22 years and now I have been battling breast cancer since January. I honestly have no advice I just wanted you to know. I am with you in that I would much rather fight alone than with someone who doesn't want to be here and that I don't want here. Im searchng everyday for a way out but so far no luck.