Starting Chemo March 2015

Allison- I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine. I'm glad your doc was there to look into some solutions for the part she can fix. As far as the rest, a big gentle hug coming your way. Tears can be very therapeutic and cathartic. Sometimes they come at the strangest times. A lot of pressure builds up during treatment. You've been under stress of this whole thing for a very long time. I think you've showed real strength and class, being a wife and a mother, and above all, yourself. Please be kind to yourself now. You've earned it.

Allison, you know what, you are absolutely right, you were probably sensing exactly what they were truly feeling. Honestly, we wouldn't want to be in our place if we didn't have to. But they were also probably looking at you with compassion, and between the two, it did you in if I had to guess. And it's okay to cry. One of the main reasons I don't let anybody go to anything with me is if I see that pity look, that's when I crumple. You cry whenever and however you want to or need to. You have been strong through this process, exercising, exploring ways to improve your health, doing everything you can. So nobody better ever look at you as weak or anything like that, or else they deserve an ass kicking. Give me names and addresses lol!

And as everybody has said, crying lets out the tension. I think it's a main way we as women get rid of stuff because normally we always have to be so strong, particularly if we are wives and mothers with others depending on us. So we cry, blubber it all out, then stiffen our backbones back up, put our crown on, and go do what we do best, which is keeping the world righteous.

I'm a sap - love all of you guys!

See? On went your crown, and you set out to make the world righteous! It takes a big heart to reach out and help others when you are going through something yourself. I don't know if anybody has said this to you, but I am proud of all of you! Every day - I talk about each of you all the time. Allison, you are Chicago, littleblue, you are the Montana fireghter tough chick, Katy, you are my Oregon buddy, Sloth, you are the Oregon animal saving lady, BB you are the Illinois lady, Avmom, you are the Canadian chick, Eileen, you are Lake Arrowhead, Sharon, you are the Aussie chick with vanna gogo, Bekah is the Central Valley chick, Maryellen, you are the questioner, Lee, chemo brain kicked in and I can't remember what I call you, and Carrie, you are the empathetic lady. And of course, Ksusan is known as the twerk lady! I know I left people out, but you all have nicknames. If I say something happened to Allison, Roger (my hubby), says which one is that and I say Chicago, and he knows who you are.

You are all important to me, every single day

Lol. I mix frankincense with DMSO as a carrier agent and rub it in my sore muscles, appears to work for me, DMSO is an out there substance which is why I haven't brought it up much

Allison, I always had to give myself a pep talk before rads. The techs were the nicest people I've met throughout treatment but for me lying on that table with a couple of tons of radiation spitting machinery overhead left me feeling extremely vulnerable. And going there 5 days a week takes its toll. You did just fine shaking it off and then helping a family in need. Bravo.

Tomorrow I fly to the east coast for a conference and I am scared to death of lymphedema and blood clots. I plan to compress myself like a sausage and wear some unattractive circulation promoting socks, and I took a baby aspirin. I don't know what else to do but throw caution to the wind and go for it. I keep trying to remember what kSusan said about taking some risks in exchange for maintaining a quality of life.

Theresa, I like being that Oregon animal saving chick. I sure hope we rally to pull off that lake arrowhead trip, I have a feeling you'll be the life of the party.

Also, it's a good thing I read my messages over before I post them because my autocorrect decided that I was wearing "copulation promoting socks." That would've made for a much more interesting conference!

Hahahahahaha!!! I love auto-correct - it's a silly one. That made me laugh really hard.

I think I only have 2 TE fills after today's! Although seriously my TE boob is on a completely different plane than my regular boob. If they had eyes and glanced sideways they wouldn't see each other. I can't wait for bulky sweater weather - I think this year it will be on a single Tuesday in January.

((Hugs)) Allison. Great big tight bear hugs!!! JK. : D

Sloth, you can do some gentle hand and arm pumping on the plane, and do leg tightening and lifts in your seat. Keep hydrated and have something to distract you. My wife says the sleeves/gauntlets look sexy, FWIW.

Another of yesterday's auto corrects courtesy of my new iPhone (haven't populated my dictionary enough yet)

When referring to my co-worker Veronica and her willingness to pitch in while I'm gone this week I wrote to another coworker:

"If you feel like you're falling behind, Erotica will help you."

I am so sorry Allison that you had a moment... Unfortunatly they happen! But I found this and I posted it on my Instagram... My new motto!!

Allison...sorry to hear about the meltdown yesterday. Sloth is right, just the process of it and having to go 5 days a week takes its toll. Hang in there. Did they recommend hydrocortisone for the itching? I had itching about halfway through and it helped, then it went away in a few days. How many more for you to go?

Sloth you are so funny! Hope all goes well on your flight today.

Diane...thinking of you and hoping your pain is better.

After all the surgery, chemo, and rads and adjusting to Lupron and AI, other than the persistent insomnia, I'm finally coming to a place where I'm feeling pretty ok again. I feel like my body is slowly healing. But...I feel like there is this big giant in the room coming to knock me over again, cuz I'm having my surgery next Wed. I don't want to start this all over again, when I'm just starting to feel better...just feel like hiding somewhere

PB

Allison...have you tried 1% hydrocortisone cream? You can use that as long as it is not an open wound. What did your RO suggest?

I'm having a prophy left mx and oophorectomy next Wed. I was BRIP1 gene positive. I'm a little more anxious after hearing about Avmoms prophymx. It's not common to have bilateral BC, but it does happen.

PB

Sloth - I was on my treadmill this morning reading your post and when I got to the "copulation promoting socks" I just started laughing out really loud. It was hysterical.

Theresa - I like how you remember us all and I admire your memory! To me you are "Theresa who bikes" - my Mom who is in her late 60s often bikes 40-45 miles a day. Also, I remember you by "Italy", because that is my favorite place to go on vacation.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to have the mammogram and ultrasound on which my insurance insisted. I'm planning on heavily drugging myself with Xanax for this occasion. Yesterday I saw my PCP and she said that if my MO is not successful getting an MRI approved, she will advocate for me. Made me good.

OK, back to work for me.... Have a good day, All!

Roofies might work, too, though who would remember? Yes, I have bitchin' black sleeves, though my next pair will be something like this:

Allison-I experienced much the same thing. You are so exposed with arms over your head,breasts exposed and strange people giving the machine a go!! Ugh. I still remember dissolving in tears and apologizing at the same time. Hang in there. Before long it will be history. You're not alone:)