Brother in laws in girlfriend

I work in the death-care industry and what I have learned over the last decade or so is that everyone grieves differently. Some can't bear to part with their loved ones things; others can't bear to have them around. One man who came into my office to arrange for the burial of his wife never went home to the house he shared with her; he drove to his daughter's house after making the arrangements and stayed there. He never did go back; his family sold the house for him several months later.

I, often, see in the historical records that some people marry again very quickly after losing a loved one. This is, often, because it was a very close and happy relationship and they not only miss the deceased loved one, they miss the relationship. Others do not; some women and men remain widows/widowers far longer than they were ever spouses. The thought of re-marrying is unthinkable. One man, who was a friend of mine personally, lost his wife to cancer (she was only in her late '30's). He met a woman at a bereavement group who had just lost her husband to cancer, and they connected immediately. They understood on a very deep level what the other was going through and it brought them closer together. They've been married 15 years now.

People, also, go through the various stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance - differently. Some do the stages in a different order; others skip a few steps; and few go right to the last stage. This is, especially, true if the spouse/partner has died of a debilitating/terminal illness because they've already done the first four stages watching their loved one die.

I'm so sorry you've lost your sister, but I also understand your BIL's need for human connection. It's a primal need which, often, becomes stronger when one has been touched by death. You feel an urgency to get out there and live because you've discovered just how fragile life can be. Another thing to consider is that your BIL may be terrified of being alone. After all, he was married to your sister for 35 years; that's a very long time. Half of him was ripped away when your sister died and he could be afraid of the empty space she left behind.

These are just suppositions on my part, but - perhaps - they'll help.

Regards,

Selena

That's because you are still grieving, as well and it's hard to see past that. You haven't reached acceptance yet. And that is perfectly all right. Your feelings are completely valid even if they are different from your BIL's, and vice versa.

Are you close with your BIL? Enough so that you can be honest and say, "... it's really, really hard for me right now to see you with someone other that my sister, so please understand that I am having a great deal of difficulty with this?"