Starting Chemo March 2015

So sick of worrying about every single bite I put in my mouth. My daughter LOVES steak. I try to limit our consumption of it anyway but now I will feel more guilty. We don't eat much bacon and the kids only get hot dogs at camp. I would never make them at home.

So the magnesium seems to be helping my legs a little bit - but oh my it certainly "cleans out the pipes"!

I am trying not to be an alarmist, but I have developed a small lump of sorts just a smidge up from my mx scar. It's a bit to the side of where a nipple should be and is small (like a small pea), round and hard. It appeared almost overnight. I'm seeing my PS Thursday & will see if it is expander related. Until then I'm just going to breathe. (But I'm scared)

I understand that fear Eileen but I also know how valuable it can be to notice things as they appear. I found the tumor near my mx site immediately. I hate to think what would have been if I'd waited the six more months until my next mammo. Keep us posted and we'll be with you to celebrate the hopefully positive news:)

Maryellen-I haven't been keeping up but I was scrolling through and saw your post about the random itchiness/irritation feeling like it's coming from the "inside out." It sounds very similar to the nerve pain I'm having. I have had it elsewhere in the past but during my 4th week of rads the burning started not only on the breast but below on my trunk area and randomly on the same side thigh/leg area. All healed from rads now but continue to have this nerve pain. MO put me on Gabapentin but it isn't really helping. Hot showers give me relief but I can only take one a day. Have you ever had any kind of nerve pain in the past? Didn't you also have lichen schlerosis? Maybe it was another member but I thought I remembered you having a similar condition to mine. I would definitely t/a this to at least your MO and maybe the Gabapentin would help you? Sending you comforting thoughts:)

Thinking positive thoughts for you, Eileen and ksusan. It's so scary, but so important to get it checked out. Hoping these lumps are just scar tissue.

PB

Allison- ugh, get it checked out, ok?

KS- thinking of you.

To all on Gabapentin- keep an eye on your liver enzymes. It has been reported (and I have first hand experience) that it can cause elevated liver enzymes. Nobody needs a false scare. Just sayin'.

I'd drink, but since I was ER+ I'll have to be more creative than that. Maybe a good long treadmill after work.

I sent a pic to the nurse. She's sending it to the doc (you can actually see it). I took a walk to the library to put myself in public (and get books) so I wouldn't cry. But now I'm home. Blech.

I'm taking my friend's daughter to high school info night tonight (husband is out of town, she's got a deadline). Last thing I feel like doing, but a good distraction.

Yeah, I'm going in tomorrow. Just spoke to them.

Oh gosh, to all the girls with lumps positive thoughts coming your way, I hope it's only scar tissue.

Diane no not me with the lichen. My mother also said nerve issue. I had an issue 3 yrs ago with sharp tingling in upper body which settled in my abdomen, got so bad I went to the ER but of course no diagnosis. Primary doctor had no real idea and gave me a script for something which I never filled. It went away so that was that.

Good news, my genetic testing for My Risk 25 cancer markers all came back negative. So relieved. Tired tired tired. Tomorrow going to Gilda's club named after Gilda Radnor, new member meeting then yoga.

Anyone have a unique idea for Halloween costume?

Sloth, thanks for your post. You are describing how I am feeling at work to a T. Xanax seems to help calm me down but I still have trouble focusing, I'm slower, unorganized and just lost it today. Luckily my co workers are awesome. I hate cancer.

I hate that so many of you are feeling lumps and having to worry. Positive thoughts to all of you!

I have my "planning" appointment for rads tomorrow. I am nervous. I wasn't going to have anyone go with me but a good friend/co-worker offered to go and I accepted her offer. She wants to help and I might need the emotional support. We will meet for coffee ahead of the appointment. She wasn't at work today so she didn't see my meltdown and she was very concerned.

Allison, I also hate how I think about everything that goes on or in my body. I worried about Chapstick this morning, thinking "I wonder what carcinogenic shit is in this." I can't live in a bubble. I like how Katy rephrased some of my thoughts. For some it's like a perfect storm. I feel like one of my doctors said that we all have cancer cells in some form but other factors can cause it to turn into tumors. Did I make that up in my head?

Also, I had the funniest hair dream the other night. In my dream I figured out my hair was long enough for a pony tail but then all I could gather was a tiny bit that I then put in a pony tail straight on top of my head. Too funny. My hair is starting to be a bit wavey and unruly. Anyone been for a hair cut yet?

the crawling sensation on my skin has spread to my entire upper body. I decided to google "crawling sensation" and interestingly one of the causes listed-menopause and that it's a common symptom that can be treated with hormone replacement therapy! Of course I can't take hormones and I've been taking tamoxifen for about five days..I'm wondering if the there's a connection?? I'm going to try stopping it for one week to see if this improves. It is really a miserable feeling but not life threatening..anyone else experience this when going through the pause?

Eileen I'm so sorry you're going through this and hope you get some good news tomorrow:)

Katy thanks for the gabapentin info. I'm going off it as it clearly isn't helping and I don't want one additional drug in my body if it isn't helping. You always have the best advice!

Carrie- no not your imagination. Simply put, it is thought that we all have cells that can "go rogue", mutate, become cancer cells. We also all naturally have "tumor suppressor" cells. Both the healthy cells have to go rogue AND the suppressor cells have to fail, simultaneously. There are probably a hundred other factors, but it's about that.

I had an idea for my Hallowe'en costume. I'm going to do absolutely nothing. And go as the FDA.

Halloween costume idea: G.I. Jane. ? 😄

Katy, I'll come into your nightmares and kick your dead relatives' asses straight to hell.