mominator , welcome aboard! It's a journey none of us wants to embark on but the company is awesome! I am brca2 too.

I have a left mastectomy scheduled November 10. I decided not to have reconstruction at the same time, mostly due to the recovery afterwards. My BS told me it would be 6-8 weeks with reconstruction and 3-4 without. But I have heard that it's much more convenient to have tissue expanders put it all at once. I want my body to heal completely before I do anything else to it.

Originally I was leaning towards a lumpectomy+radiation, but the side effects and hassle of it all turned me off from the idea. I also think I will drive myself crazy if any cysts, lumps, etc pop up, since I have a long history of cysts. I am BRCAplus and PALB2 negative, but my genetic counselor had me do full panel testing and I don't know when those results will come out. But what I know is that I need to take care of what is already there as soon as possible.

Best wishes to all.

I have a lumpectomy surgery scheduled for November 9. With placement of radioactive marker on November 3. Dx is DCIS. Is this the correct thread to join?

Hi- I have a bilateral mastectomy with TEs scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving and am really anxious. I was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago and my take charge personality took over - that is, until today. I've been so sad/angry all day. I hate not being in control of this! Any advice how to find more control?

I've never written on any boards before, but have done lots of reading. I'm so glad to read all of your entries and it's comforting to know there's a group of us all working through this!

Thundergal64, I had the exact same surgery in July- I have the same personality too. And like you, I would be mostly fine, especially after I got my "plan", but then I would have moments of feeling overwhelmed and scared that came out of nowhere!

I, too read 1000's of posts before I joined in and they were so helpful in letting me feel more in control of an "out of control" situation. I learned things I would need (and wouldn't need) for surgery and what to expect post-op and about Tamoxifen etc that NO DOCTOR EVER TELLS YOU!! Goodness! It reminded me in that sense of having a baby- when you want to say- "why did no one tell me all this was gonna happen??"

To be honest, I felt increasingly anxious as my surgery date approached but busied myself getting things in order ( I was probably a tad over-prepared but that's okay!) On the actual day of surgery I felt nervous of course, but also weirdly excited that everything was about to be "out of my hands" (like it ever was, right?!). I sort of saw it as a scary carnival ride that I would never choose to go on, but now that I was on it, I would just sit back and make the most of it and try to be encouraging to others I encountered along the way. It really hasn't been that bad! I don't know what else you are facing with your treatment, but, remember how you eat an elephant…one bite at a time. Terrible expression but true, nevertheless!

I also put comforting and inspiring thoughts on the Notes section of my phone when I would encounter them and open it up and read them whenever I needed to. There is a verse in the Bible that helped me more than anything and it was Phillipians 4:6-7. I just repeated it over and over. That helped more than I can say. Not only is what it says so comforting, the act of repeating it distracts you. And lame as it sounds, taking deep, slow breaths is very therapeutic!! Sometimes we forget to stop and take a nice, long breath, it does wonders.

Sending prayers and hugs to you! At least you don't have to host Thanksgiving dinner this year!!

Freeland

Thundergal-

Welcome to BCO! You're certainly in the right place for support as you prepare for your surgery. You'll find as you read through these boards, your feelings of anger and sadness and helplessness are not uncommon; just know that you are not alone, and we're all here for you as you go through your surgery and begin treatment and healing!

The Mods

Does anyone else feel like they are "nesting" as they prepare for surgery?

Citrinetiff, i am sorry to hear about the new cancer. It must be very overwhelming right now. I am having elective bilateral mastectomy on Nov 20. I simply cannot live with bc looming in the shadows any longer. The decision was jarring at first but i know it is best and i am at peace with it. My husband of 38 years and my daughter 28 made it clear that it is ny decision but that they dtrongly wanted the BMX. I think you should discuss this with others. Personally i think having the mast and doing reconstruction would bring closure. Take care. Your surgery is the day before mine. I will keep you in my prayers.

Free123 - thanks so much for your words of support! You made me smile! Since I wrote earlier this week, I feel like I've been on a roller coaster. Just when I felt somewhat ok with knowing the surgery date, etc, my surgeon called yesterday to say the tumor board ( the group of oncologists, radiologists, plastic surgeons, etc that meet weekly to review their cases collaboratively) met yesterday and saw a spot on the MRI in my left (supposedly healthy) breast. I'm waiting to learn when it will be biopsied under MRI. I wonder, if it is cancer, can it be a different kind than I have in my right breast? Has it spread to the left breast? I'm also really light headed and woozy and can't help but wonder if it's related. Does any of this sound familiar to anyone

Thundergal, good grief, you have been on a roller coaster!! I'm so sorry! I'm like Queen Celeste, from all the BC info I've gleaned in the past few months (starting at Level Zero!) I would venture to say that it is a different cancer also but I'll let others with ore experience weigh in. I can say with certainty that just because you are light headed and woozy doesn't mean it's the cancer- I felt that way also. I can't really explain why except maybe nerves…and every single twinge I felt seemed linked somehow to the cancer. And we humans have constant twinges and aches we just don't notice them normally, I don't think!! Everything in my body was magnified a thousand-fold in those days leading up to and following my diagnosis.

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this! I am thankful the MRI and the tumor board are so thorough. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

Well, my tentative Nov. 5th date of surgery has now been moved to Nov. 13th - a Friday no less. I can't help thinking that part of the delay had to do with the Temp in my surgeon's office not quite being on top of things. Hope this is not a harbinger of things to come.

November 19

Ugh. I could SWEAR I already posted in here, I must not be able to hit "submit."

I can't say what surgery I'm having because I STILL DON'T KNOW. I meet with the plastic surgeon Wed, and I had an MRI this week, so hopefully someone will tell me something next week.

I wish I could say I want it to be over, but I don't want it at all.

Miss Bee - thigh tissue for your reconstruction? When I was talking to my surgeon, she said tummy tuck, blah blah blah. I said, "My tummy is just fine, how about sucking some fat from my thighs? I'd like to get *something* positive out of this." I got a no. So I guess I should be happy for my "free" unneeded tummy tuck....

I keep trying to find the funny things about this. I now get a "Fall Risk" wristband because I'm clumsy and answered "yes" to the question, "Have you fallen in the last month?" I fell in the front yard, I can't tell you why, but it hurt and was hilarious when I was telling my bf about it because he just kept saying, "You just don't fall over nothing." I wrote on the form - "Just call me Grace." I'm not sure the receptionist thought it was as funny as I did.

Here's another good one - The genetic counselor says, "This is probably a sporadic incident, given your family history." I said, "My neurosurgeon puts it another way, 'Bad luck.'"

And to Miss Bee again, you are the guinea pig, the scout, the reporter! My whole heart will be with you on Monday!

Frill, bless you! So sorry you are in the middle of all this-you will probably look back and wonder how you got through it all, but the the grace of God you will! If you don't have any issues with them, a very mild sedative like Valium or Ativan can be useful if you manage it carefully. When I really couldn't sleep I would take 1/4 of 1 mg of Ativan (I have a pill cutter) and it was perfect to help me sleep through the night. I would only use it when I really needed it though.

I'm glad you had someone like Lucy Lawless to help you with all this LOL, and I'm sure glad you still have your sense of humor! I mean, you might as well, right?! Either way, I wouldn't let scars frighten you- I had implants @ 15 yrs ago and now have my DBMX and lymph node scars from just 3 months ago and even on my terrible, lily white skin they are not an issue! To me, full, symmetrical breasts trump small scars- but I know everyone has different requirements though.

You are right to want a stool- my very sturdy 10 inch Cosco brand stool from Wal Mart was perfect to help me get into the bed at first! That, and satiny pj's that "slid" into the bed, were just the right thing!! Now I'm "addicted" to my silky pajamas and that's all I want to wear!

Best wishes and prayers to all of you as your surgeries approach!!!

Live4them, you really are in a strange limbo place right now!! It's so hard to feel "not at home" any time- much less when you're going through something like this.

I'm thankful you get to go direct to implants...I can't speak to the recovery for that bc I had TE's put in along with a DBMX in July. In fact, my exchange to implant surgery is 2 days after you on the 11th. If your recovery is anything like mine was, it was a little hairy for a few days but got better so quickly. I felt exponentially better each day.

So glad you aren't working now, so at least you don't have the stress of when to go back to work etc. Sometimes you really have to dig to see the blessings but they are there, aren't they?!

And really, that feeling sick thing from the cancer was SO real and just built up every day before my surgery to remove it all. I just wanted to jump out of my skin sometimes and literally couldn't wait for them to just get it all out! I'll be praying for you as well! You will do great!!

Free123 just gave me a free pass to Victoria's Secret! I *need* silky pjs!!!!! And thank you for the stool advice, if we don't get out today I'll pick one up Thursday. Time is running out on this stuff.

And thank you for talking about scars - Lucy Lawless said it would be fine, but evil first dr literally said disfigured. She also said cleavage would still rock. My sister said - it has to, that bra collection she's got is unbelievable. Yes, that sense of humor runs in the fam.

Full symmetrical breasts - evil dr made it sound impossible. Maybe full symmetrical breasts will be my new mantra!