Starting Chemo in December 2013

Looking forward to Halloween...LOL. Black and orange....Miss you all, I do check here all the time, just don't post all that much!

I've been doing a daily awareness post on my FB. I think that got in my head. But, I am just in that worried mod now. It passes. I just hate that I even have to think about it. My middle DD asked me the other day if I would be alive when she was 13. Ouch! I told I planned on it! But if anything ever happened that I would always be with her. She is 7. Cancer sucks. Still surreal that this is the new normal. Praying for the major break through for breast cancer. For all of us and those in the future

SouthernBling checking in. I know it has been forever since I've posted, but I've been checking in on all of you. It seems that no matter when I check in, one of you lovely ladies is posting something I'm thinking (or worrying) about.

I'm doing great most days, but every little pain gives me something new to worry about. I try to stay positive and keep the faith, but I can't shake the worry of recurrence. Like today, I was standing in the checkout line and overheard a someone asking someone in line about someone else. The man said, "She had surgery and a double mastectomy." I'm trying not to listen, but he was talking really loud. I didn't make it out of line quick enough because the last thing I heard him say was, "They had her funeral Sunday." What??????? WAAAAAAA!!!!!!! So I had to call my bestie, who is also my sister-in-law, and asked her to calm me down. She said, "You heard one story. Think of all the people you know who are doing great." I definitely know a lot more who made it through and are carrying on with their lives. Maybe time will help. Pink doesn't help, but I feel like I have to do a little bit of the pink. This year, I'm a little better with the pink. Last year, I wanted to scream every time I saw anything pink.

I just wanted to thank all of you awesome warriors for keeping me sane through the last couple of years. Well, as sane as anyone could be after all we've been through. You guys are the best!!!

lol. I went through a little paranoid thought yesterday.

My Tamoxifen arrived via mail order pharmacy. I looked in the bottle and noticed 2 of the were broken.

{Poor quality- I'm thinking}

{OMG, what if they are not really tamoxifen, or not effective enough}

{ do they draw estrogen levels to be sure it's working?}

Sigh

good to know I am not alone with these occasional, irrational fears!

Should we laugh or cry?

Jodi, that will definitely be you! Love your spirit!

CFR retreat this wknd upstate at the salmon river. Figures that this past wknd was the most absolutely gorgeous fall weather and this wknd supposed to be cold (40's) with rain (snowflakes in higher elevations omg!) Well I'll be out there learning to fly fish anyway with some awesome survivors I assume. It's catch and release, i think that a good metaphor, "let it go". This Sunday will be my 2yrs from dx 10/18/13.

Stay well girls

I wish we had little "like" buttons!!!' It's all great news

2 yrs since my diagnosis today and I was fly fishing with CFR! Amazing! It snowed, but so what!! If you can,

do it!

!

My personal "River boy" also known as"our river studs, or River muffins", Lol! Btw he was great and also a board member with CFR. We each had a private guide.

Love all the pictures and good news!

Yesterday was a hard day for me. I caught up with a former boss who I hadn't seen in a long while. His wife was first diagnosed with breast cancer 12 years ago, was treated, and NED for 11 years. Last October she wasn't feeling well, but no specific symptoms. She put off going to a doctor. Then, they noticed that she was drooling when she ate, and in December, she couldn't coordinate getting her earrings on. Finally, she went to a doctor. The doc originally thought she must have had a stroke (or strokes). Overnight, she became paralyzed - they quickly realized it was a recurrence of breast cancer, metastasized to the brain and beyond. He is so sad/angry that he didn't make her see a doctor sooner. She endured surgeries, chemo, and radiation, but passed away 3 weeks ago. My former boss is completely devastated and lost.

I hope it's not a sign, but I subscribe to City of Hope & yesterday this appeared in my newsfeed: http://www.cityofhope.org/breast-cancer-survivors-must-be-vigilant-for-signs-of-metastasis. There is a terrible statistic in there (which I keep telling myself is an old statistic! out of date! pre-Herceptin!) that an estimated 40% of Her2+ cancers are at risk of brain metastases. So, in case we weren't all paranoid enough, we can add to the list freaking out each time an arm or leg feels weak (no pain) and the other symptoms they list.

Sorry for the downer post! I'm still reeling. And, to top it off, my former boss did not know that I had breast cancer (we hadn't seen each other in a long while). And I didn't tell him either.

On the plus side, I have crossed the line into looking stylish apparently, and everyone thinks my short hair is the "latest thing"! I've never had so many compliments on my hair. If I had a dollar for every women who's told me that they could "never" carry it off, but short, short hair looks really good on me . . .

I am past my DX anniversary and closing in on my cancer free anniversary. Finally feeling like myself and the pain is gone. Wish I had them take my ovaries when they took out the cancer. Hindsight is 20/20. Congrats to all on making it this far in the October madness..

wow, we are all approaching or passed the 2 year mark. I have until mid Nov for my biopsy anniversary which I count as my day one of hell year. My 2 year mammo and US are scheduled for 11/30. I am scared of the 2 and 5 year marks for unknown reasons, just am.

Sounds like everyone is getting on with their lives. Oranje, such a sad story. And yes, I too am terrified of brain mets. I say this cancer could someday take my bones or liver but I pray never my brain.

I am enjoying working only 3 days a week, down from 4. Love having a three day weekend now. I am not ready to retire yet but cutting back has been great. My brother is staying with me for a few months while he gets some medical issues worked on. Nice to have the company and someone to cook for again.

Lisa the CFR weekend looked fabulous.

Wishing everyone a wonderful fall.

Ok Robin! I was scared to click the link but I did. And, I have to tell you it uplifted me more than Bring me down. I did not know they can stop brain mets. The article said that they removed the tumor and that early detection was key. I thought once stage four comes around you just fight for time. I did not know there was a chance of remission.

Question- when do you start your survival years? After your last treatment? Or is it Dx date. This always confuses me. Today was the day I had every test run under the sun 2 yrs ago. I honestly thought they were all cyst. I am so grateful that I found that lump and acted on it rather than waiting for my annual Doctor check in the following Spring.

Wow! My 2 year everythings were early October. Missed it somewhat with the surgery,traveling and the wedding.

Barbara, that is busy. We have friends in the outlying areas of Maricopa County. They are about 60 miles out from where he had to go for radiation. He had close to 60 treatments, crazy. We offered our house, but he had to work Monday's and said he didn't mind the drive.

We stayed over there for a week in our RV. The Colorado River area is very pretty!

Our friends are in Aguila. Melon Capitol of the US. There is a girl on The Voice from Aguila. It is literally close to being a ghost town. The population increases this time of year with the snowbirds

Hi ladies - Just wanted to say that I miss you all. Glad 2 years have passed.... I just had another surgery because my implant turned. My PS has never seen this happen....

I too wish that we had a "like" button on this board.

We all went through so much together and I appreciate all of you. I will be checking back in often.

Kim