How do you tell people?

Sometimes I'm a big stressball. Sometimes I'm not handleing everything (bc and the rest that life can throw at you) all that well. I'd like for people to know that some big bad is going on (my cancer, my mom's cancer, my grandma(who had a major hand in raising me) has just passed) so I don't seem like the unjustified dazed dummy or raving lunatic.

How the hell do I let people know what's going on and the trouble I'm having coping when I just can't seem to open my mouth to say it. Instead in my many conversations with family, friends, teammates, and colleagues I do nothing but ask how their lives are going and when pressed on my own I default to anecdotes about my kids or dogs or whatever we have in common.

My family knows - that was hard but it's a very very small family so not too hard. I have a varied group of friends, teammates, and colleagues. 3 friends and 1 colleague who is also a good friend know. They are not gossips and are quiet and reserved - that's why I could tell them but it was hard.

Now I just feel stuck and a bit crazy.

I want everyone to know but no one to talk about it, mostly no one to talk about it with me. I know that's dumb because sometimes I do want to talk about it all.

How do you do it?