April 2015 Chemo Crew... Starting in April? Please join us!

So not to get complicated, but are we doing 6 PM central where you are Cherie? If so, Eastern would toast at 7, Mountain at 5, and Western at 4 (is 4 too early?). Also, let's not toast to chemo - let's toast to killing cancer or no more chemo, but definitely not toast to chemo :-)

I had to have my port taken out for radiation - also on the side of my cancer. And, you have to give it at least a week for the swelling to go down so they can map your radiation accurately. From what I was told, when you have MX, you shouldn't have to have radiation, especially with no positive nodes.

Lorraine, glad everyone survived the weekend without you. I am going to ask MO to test my thyroid function too.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. My company doesn't have Columbus day as a holiday, so I'll be working, but no rads that day, so it will be like a mini vacation! Chuck has it off, so I'm going to put him to work. I finally had a chat with him - we have just barely been tolerating each other, hardly talking, etc. I started out by asking him how he was feeling about us - I figured he must be miserable. Nope. He is perfectly happy except for lack of sex (of course). It just made me feel worse - how can you be miles apart with your partner? How can they not see how unhappy you are? In the end, he asked me to help him be better. I asked him to really think about whether he wanted to stay because it seems like he takes every opportunity to leave either physically or mentally. He said he wanted to stay.

I realized that he just is so, not sure what word to use, simple? I remember a friend telling me that he's "earth bound", and I think I know what she means. I don't think he's really given much thought to any of this - not the cancer, what it means, how I feel, how he might be able to help me, how he could step up and take some initiative to be more responsible with the family - none of it.

And now I'm left with just more to do because now I have to help him be "better". I felt better at first having talked to him, but now I think I feel worse because nothing's changed. I don't have the energy or the motivation to work at this - we went through counseling before, and I feel like I'd just be saying all the same things again. It's just more work for me. It just still seems like my life would be easier without him in it.

Lynne

I'm sorry for the lack of response from your DH Lynne. I can understand the feeling of it being more work for you. Not only are you feeling unappreciated, it feels like he's making it your responsibility to help him make you feel more appreciated. I would tell him what you told us. Tell him that you don't have the energy right now to make him a better husband. If it's important to him to maintain the relationship, he will have to find the energy because you aren't going to draw him a road map. You deserve so much appreciation for everything you have juggled since your diagnosis.

Oh Lynne- I wish we could do more than listen. Thinking of you 💛

So I was in a constant state of gut clenching anxiety punctuated by panic attacks for the last month or so. Yesterday at my MO visit, he gave me lexapro. 2 pills in, and the constant burning anxious feeling is mostly gone, and I can laugh again. Just wanted to share, in case anyone else is feeling similar.

bluedog this isn't the new vaccine that mayo in fl was going to be doing is it? I know that myself and littleblue sent in for that trial- fingers crossed we get accepted for it. But anyway good luck to you and the trial. Drinks at 6 sounds wonderful:)

I had only one + node and went for everything I can throw at it.

Thinking about Kbee- after running through that gauntlet I imagine her heaped in exhaustion. Except she is one of the most energetic women I've ever known.

How about running something up the flagpole Kbee: let us know you're ok.

Very good news, Steph!

Great news, Steph. Feeling happy for you.

Littleblue, anxiety is awful!!! I am also on lexapro and I am glad it seems to be working for you. Hugs

Lynne, thinking about you and sending you hugs. I am thinking about the winter BC retreat author Betty Bory retreats and was with wondering if it would give you some quiet space to think things through. I met some women who were struggling with similar issues with their DH. One woman said that her husband miss d the old her, and she told him that the game had changed and the old her was not coming back. I look at photos from last year prior to diagnosis and I think that the cancer has changed things for me...I want more out of life for sure. Take care and a big hug!

Our front yard...see the leaves turning

Positive- thank you and thanks for the pics! I love the idea of a retreat. For Lynne and me too! Harmony Hill in WA state has 3-day free ones if anyone lives near.

www.harmonyhill.org

They haven't released their 2016 dates yet and 2015 is full. But you can get on the waiting list

It seems fall is just around the corner here, but I'm still picking from my garden! This just the other day.

Addie, no this is a different vaccine. I saw my MO yesterday and asked about the Mayo TN vaccine, and he said it's not ready for trial yet. He urged me to go for this one. I have been concerned about dealing with possible Herceptin SEs when Herceptin is not part of the standard of care for me AND maybe not even getting the vaccine. But, he said there is evidence Herceptin may be beneficial even for low HER2 expressors. So, I guess I'm going to go for it. I think it's probably feasible only for someone who has a test site nearby, as it involves multiple visits. Since there's one only 20 minutes from my house, I guess I should help contribute to the advancement of science?

Dizz- my kinda cocktail. I know I'm not part of this group, but I'm raising my glass to all of you. You've become warriors and friends. Good job kicking the bitch's ASS.

Cheers!

Here Here Dizz and Jackbirdie! #Survivors!

bluedog okay thanks for the info

And I did have a sip of wine at 6pm with thoughts of all of us fine ladies. Cheers-