Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?

Morning everyone

Carole- I don't think their are any "ideal" families anymore. I know I can go thru my four kids, one is not yet married, and tell you why each of their family's are not ideal. We live in tough times and I worry about the world our grandchildren will face. Even the families that look good usually have some sort of disfunction behind closed doors. We live in a world where personal gratification comes first. If that means spending money on beer and wine and/or cigarettes instead of getting your child braces, that's okay. If you want to live in a warehouse or container just to prove you can, who cares what your children lose in the process? The worst part, I think, is that the children accept this as normal. Your mom gets home at 4:30 every day, but by 8 she is slurring her words and tells you to do something, but you know you have at least an hour before she will check to see that you've done it, if she doesn't fall asleep before then. The parent that works is a really good parent, but the stay at home mother is a total control freak and helicopter mom that literally agonizes over every bite of food she and her child eat- way beyond a normal vegan. And doesn't take her eyes off their two year old, ever. There are lots of families that look good- all dressed stylishly, nice cars, go to church every Sun, nice home -but that comes at a price - your kids being in daycare from infancy, credit card bills that will never get paid off, and needing your parents to refinance their home every 5 years or so , so that you don't lose yours. And I want to clarify I am not talking about a couple that both have to work in order to feed, clothe and house their family, nor the situations were the child gets better care at day care than they do at home.

How many "labeled" kids are out there- ADHD, autism, Asbergers, sensory affect, even anxiety in 6 yr olds. It can get really depressing if you think about it. I know we weren't the best parents, we did things that didn't put the kids first, but didn't realize it at the time. It's too late to change that, so I focus on the grandkids now- making sure each one knows that they are loved, unconditionally, (my oldest grandson was amazed when I told him that and explained what it meant), that I am proud of them, that I am so excited to see them, even if I saw them yesterday, and I accept them as they are. They know that I am their safe place, no matter what. My own children know that as well, but that they make decisions, as adults, that I cannot support and they say they understand why I disapprove, but not enough to change, and that's their choice.

There is so much change needed in society as a whole, raising children being only one, maybe the most critical one, and one person or group of people can't change it all, so you have to change what you can, when you can. The days of a loving two- parent families, where intentionally instilling morals and building character and integrity was the goal are long gone. I have often said that we are the first American generation that did not leave a better world for our children. Somehow, we looked the other way as smut and vulgarity slipped in, not only in the entertainment we watched and listened to, but in our own homes. We allowed instant gratification to be the norm, because we could afford to. Having children without marriage is common place, and, I have to admit, I was relieved when my youngest DD didn't marry the father of their two children. (She only married him two years ago, and the wedding itself was a disaster) The saddest thing to me is that today's parents think they are doing a good job, and TV, magazines and the internet tells them they are right. How many children have to be lured and hurt by child predators on the internet before parent realize that children should not be on the internet unsupervised? And I mean all children, until at least 17 or 18. Parents know this, but they are too busy or too lazy to follow thru on it.

I hope I didn't insult anyone with my rant. As you already know, I am very child focused, and feel very strongly about the state of families right now, and the whole way children are being raised today- publicly and privately. My opinions are my own and do not necessarily agree with anyone else's.

All that said, I hope you all have a good day

Anne

Anne, fantastic letter.  It is just sad how right you are about so many things.  Count me as  not feeling one iota of offense -- you'll have to work a lot harder to get to me.

Well, been a long day for me.  Lots of little things to get done in the middle of big coughing spells -- and I guess my dry spell is over.  I'm guessing the sinus drainage has produced a bit of a cold.  Not bothering me too much --- just tired out from the coughing fits.  Going to the V.A. on Wednesday so I'll have them do something with it. 

Cool and nice here.  Dh thinks too cool but just about right for me since the sinus/cold gives me a few hot flashes now and then.  I'll catch up with you all tomorrow.

Blessings,

Jackie

P.S. Carole, not to worry you didn't manage to do all you wanted to today --- that's what the rest of your life if for.  Hugs!!

Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.  Victoria Holt

Jackie, sorry you have the crud. It's not like you to take naps.

Another day with little accomplished except some grocery shopping at Fresh Market, which has chicken breasts (no anti-biotics) and ground chuck on sale on Tuesdays for $2.99. Most days you just walk up to the meat and fish counters and tell someone what you want, but on Tuesdays you have to take a number. There were some more items on sale, too.

Before the grocery shopping, I played golf at 8:30 am. Not well. I need to put in some sessions on the driving range. It's warmer and more humid today. When I got home, dh had closed the doors and windows and turned on the a/c, but it isn't cycling on much.

It's very quiet here on the oldies thread. Hope everyone is doing something fun and not spending too much time in doctors' offices.

Minus One is on a trip to New England. I hope she's having a great time. She had dinner with a couple of bc.org sisters in Boston. I read about the dinner on another thread.

(((((Puffin))))) That hurts so much! I hope it improves overnight.

Rita, I bowled a couple of times this summer and enjoyed it. There is a bowling alley on the north shore but bowling is not big here.

Puffin, sorry about the back spasms. What was your weather like today?

It was in the high 80's today and humid. I played golf and sweated so much that I wasn't feeling good by the end of the round. Despite the wet clothes, I stayed for lunch with the two women I played with. When I got home I took a shower and collapsed into my chair. The two potassium pills I swallowed seem to be helping ease the muscle cramps. I'm thankful to be alive but it's "heck" getting old. It's difficult to accept the limitations.

Hugs to everybody needing/wanting a hug.

Listen to your life.  See it for the fathomless mystery that it is.  In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness:  touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.
 
Frederick Buechner

Welcome, Bobkat! Nice to see you here.

Puff, hope that back gets better soon. I haunt cemeteries, too! Love genealogy and I am looking for "stone faces".

Jackie, glad all went well at the medical center. Made the drive worth it......even Steak 'n Shake!!

DH is the golfer in our family. Great week to be on the courses. The weather is beautiful!

I took it easy today and used my microwave heating pad and am relieved that my back is improving. It was cloudy and cool today, and rained this evening. Because of the rain I won't be taking cemetery photos tomorrow either as it leaves puddles on the stones. Extra healing time will be good.

Linda,

My story is much the same as yours. Had a lumpectomy 3 years ago , neg nodes, <1 cm. Had rads, usually made my appt early in the morning, so I had the rest of the day to do whatever. I really had no side effects, except when they give a higher dose at the end had some skin darkening and peeling. Otherwise for me it was pretty easy, hoe it is for you too. Jean

Mornin all

Welcome Bobkat- we are always happy to make a new friend. When you get a chance, please tell us a little bit about yourself. We are all united by BC, but I'll bet you find someone here to shares other interests as well. We have pet lovers, garden lovers, golf enthusiasts. I am 66, widowed after 42 years of marriage, and I have 5 children and 6 grandchildren ( 7 in the spring) who live in three different states. Right now I am in Ga with my oldest daughter. It was here that I was Dx with BC in Sept of 2013. I had a double mastectomy with no reconstruction. I just got back from 4 days with my oldest DS, who lives in So. Carolina and is the father of my youngest GD, who is two. What fun! He is 3 1/2 hours from here, so I might go over again before I head back to Fl, to the home I have lived in since 1978, and to my 3 other children and 3 other grandchildren. I don't golf or garden, just travel from child to child and feel very blessed that they all welcome me, including their spouses, as often as I want.

Puffin- hope your back feels better soon.

Jackie- I love Steak and Shake's Frisco Melt- will have to try the garlic burger next time. And I love their shakes. I had to pass a Steak &Shake every day during radiation. As tempting as it was, I limited myself to one shake a week, on Fridays, to celebrate each week of radiation being done.

Our weather here near Atlanta has been gorgeous for the last few days, sunny and in the 70's, but I am a little disappointed that the leaves have not changed at all. I only have a few more weeks before I return to Fl and was really hoping to see the changing of the leaves.

Anne

Welcome Bobkat!

Jackie, glad that you got the meds that you need to knock that nasty stuff and glad that you got to eat at Steak 'n Shake. I love to eat there but I usually just have the double steakburger. Guess I'm not very exciting or adventurous!

It's another beautiful Indian Summer day here today. I have been grocery shopping this morning to stock up on food for the arrival of my crew! I'm going to play just 9 holes of golf with the ladies this afternoon and then going to the IGA supermarket and picking up chicken for dinner. They have 8 pieces for $6 on Thursdays so I'm not cooking tonight!

Puffin..glad your back is feeling a little better! That is no fun!

Anne, our leaves have not changed much either. A few of the maples have turned but that's about it. It doesn't look much like Fall yet here in central Illinois. I love the autumn foliage. I just don't like the cold, snowy weather that follows it about 4 to 6 weeks later.

I went to a breast cancer fundraiser tonight called the Brazaar. Everyone brings a bra, all the bling are provided and people sit at tables decorating their bras. Next week the hundreds of bras will be hung from ropes along the outside wall of one of the local businesses as part of their big Bras on Broadway fundraiser. Here's the bra I decorated.

Great job Puffin.

  When we can honestly ask ourselves which
persons in our lives mean most to us, we
often find that they are those who, instead
of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have
chosen rather to share our pain and touch
our wounds with a warm and tender hand.
 
Henri Nouwen