Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?

Anne, NED for 2 years!!

Teacher,

Carole....so glad you are home safey!

Beachbum....Love the fish! Great job! My son lived in Sheffield Lake for about 2 years when he first graduated from college. He worked for Parker Hannifin which is based in Elyria. We enjoyed visiting him while he was there. His apartment was right on the Lake and he had a gorgeous view. Since then, he has moved all over the country with Parker and is now in Greeneville TN which they really love.

Gee, I always thought it was the job of the religious leader in a church, regardless of denomination, the minister to the sick. Wow! We go to a great little church where everyone "counts." I believe would let that rabbi know how hurt and neglected I felt by his actions.

It was really cool and windy this morning when we started to golf. Now the sun is out and it's a beautiful autumn day!

Since I played all morning I need to get off here and get something accomplished around the house this afternoon.

Happy Birthday, Teacher!!!!

Jackie, termite, wren44, sandra and everyone- I don't know how to tag people here (yet)

It seems you all are on in the morning and I'm having the most trouble at night - before bedtime.

I've decided to take a leave of absence from my congregation and sent an email to the Pres. telling him it's personal reasons and I can't pay dues and please not to contact me. If course he responded that "I'm a valuable member of the congregation ... and I'm welcome back anytime." I'm not sure I want to "join" another synagogue, I tell friends I might be a "wandering Jew" checking out different places. I do like to pray with a community, but it's not the answer for me right now. I know G-d is with me wherever I am. I told a friend today what happened and she's been "done with organized religion" for about 10 years and she asked if I was done with just my cong or all. I told her the wandering Jew story.

New aggravation: work, FMLA forms, HR confusion:

My dept. time report said I return to work Oct 5. I didn't realize my FMLA letter said 9/28, so I didn't show up. I arranged with my boss to return 9/30 and work from home for the rest of the week.

So, I work from home today and get an email from HR that my FMLA is through Fri., I had called the Dr. yesterday for a new fax sent and HR didn't receive it - it took me 1.5 hrs to find out. I called the Dr. back and asked her the fax returning me today from home for rest of week.

At 2:30 pm I get an email that the HR person is at meetings all day and will get back to me after 4pm about receiving the fax. She answers me at 6:45 pm. (which I don't read until 9:30 pm because I stop work at 3pm) telling me there's no stipulation about working from home (which I did ask for).

So now I don't know if today will count as work (I really didn't work the whole day - since I didn't hear from her). I don't know if I should show up tomorrow in person or work from home (that was approved by my boss). My dh suggests I go in if I feel up to it and come home and work if I don't feel well.

As yes, recovery is hard, I burst into tears during breast or cancer commercials, it is a very emotional time as you all know. I had a lumpectomy - it'll be 2 weeks on Fri. and the cancer is out and the lymph nodes are clear, thank G-d.

I don't want to screw up my job, so I guess I have to calm down and sleep so I can show up tomorrow in person.

I'm sorry that others have had issues with religious organizations, too. It feels like a family, but sad when I get disappointed and realize it's not and that others are probably talking about my cancer (which I said was OK). One person today offered to drive me anywhere I need to go on my caringbridge site. I can drive now just fine - just haven't done it at night for a while, but I think it'll be OK this week when I need to.

Anne, sounds like you had a nice family visit.

I have some in-law issues which I'm not going into - it's too aggravating to spend time writing it and giving it energy. I'm praying for the best outcome for the whole family.

Kicks - a woman's retreat sounds wonderful. I also make jewelry (part-time) and have just started a breast cancer survivor collection. I haven't released it to the public yet, and will begin soon.

I'm really glad I joined this group and will try to get more involved with you, but it'll have to be after work. Your support is very important to me and I hope I reach a point where I can give more back to you.

Here's a little image I made today to post on Instagram, but I haven't done it yet.

If it's not OK to post images like that, please let me know.

G-d bless you all,

Linda B.

Trust in the Light.

Darkness is not a force -

it is merely the absence of light.

Observe that when a light is brought to a dark place,

the darkness disappears.

Sadness is similar -

when joy is brought to suffering, the sadness disappears.

Open yourself to the Light!

Hold back nothing, Trust in the Light.

- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Puffin, I got a pneumonia shot several years ago, but have never had a flu shot. My NP suggested I skip it last year (dx year), but didn't even suggest one for this year at my appointment last week. Of course.I forgot to ask. Hmmm...what to do?!

Sandra, glad to hear that all is going well. Have a wonderful trip. You two deserve it.

Linda, hang in there. I didn't get support from my church either. People seem to think no "chemical chemo" means that everything is just peachy....even from other survivors. I guess I am not too surprised and hope I showed concern for others at the appropriate times.

Chilly here....I'm ready for fall.

Best wished to all!

Hi ritajean, did you son live at Lakeside 10 or maybe Erie Shores Landing? That's where I live on the 10th floor, so the view is stunning every day. That is about the only apartment building in Sheffield Lake on the Lake. I love it here. The waves were amazing today with 40 mph winds. I have lived here for 6 years, and I am now working at PolyOne in Avon Lake. Small world huh? Cheryl

Our cancer center kicks off October with a breast cancer retreat at the Radisson, 2 hours last evening and all day today. Our support group picks up the $25 fee for its members. Last night was more relaxed and fun - a chocolate fountain, a buffet of yummy hor dourves (however it's spelled) and we played an entertaining and informative game of Jeopardy. All the categories dealt with treatment side effects, like hot flashes, vaginal dryness, food and nutrition, self image, etc. There was a panel of 4 experts on stage that expanded on the discussion of the answers. There was a big bowl of sample packets of lubricant passed around afterwards.

Today will be a variety of topics, some presentations will be for everyone and others we'll have options to choose which session we want to attend.

In case you may be wondering --- I'm longing so much for all the shootings to stop.  Though we are not very political here ( and I really like it that way ) I'm just so tired ( 41 school shootings this yr. alone ) of it all.  I think almost everyone is ok with those individuals who are responsible with their guns.  But I think their is an organization ( NRA ) who sells more guns every time there is another incident.  That is not right --- we do not NEED more guns --- we need a way to help insure that with gun sales, guns get into the hands of people who are willing to be completely responsible with them.  We need a way to weed out people who are not stable and have poor judgment where the use of guns are concerned.   Ok --- rant over.  Probably shouldn't have but how many innocent people have to die or be crippled before we allow ourselves to get honest and push forward to take care of this rampant problem.  Of course, there will always be some --- but 41 school shootings this yr. alone is way more than SOME to me. 

Blessings,

Jackie

Mornin all,

Linda- I can empathize with having a family member living with you and contributing nothing in return. It was a little easier for me, because it was my youngest son, but he didn't really get out on his own till he was 30. There were a few tries but none lasted more than a few months. Thankfully, he now has a decent job he loves and is living with his fiancée. They will be getting married in June.

Re the school shootings, etc- I don't want to step on any toes or anything and I am talking generalities, not specific individuals. I am well aware that what I am going to say is not always possible. Ok, enough disclaimers, here goes: I believe that one of the things that contributes to the mental issues that lead people to committ these awful acts is institutionalized daycare from birth on. I understand that there are a lot of single moms out there or couples that can't survive without dual incomes. But there are also a lot of couples who both work because they like the perks that come with 2full time salaries. And I am not here to judge anyone. But my feelings are that when a child is in institutional care, no matter how good, from the time they are infants, they become part of a group that is treated as a group. They have very limited exposure to being special and important, and unique and loved just for themselves. This is again, not a judgement against daycare- I worked at a preschool, and two of my DD's worked at daycares, one for many years. As much as any one carer tries to give individualized care, their main responsibility is to the group as a whole. So especially, with infants, their needs are met, but there is little time for cuddling, and intentional interaction. And the child learns, unconsciously maybe, unintentionally for sure, that he/she is no more or less important than anyone else. And if their lives don't matter on an individual basis, then other lives don't matter either. My feelings go back to the orphanages that were studied years ago,where some babies had their needs met, i.e. were fed and changed, but not interacted with in other ways, and were grossly limited in intelligence and socialization, if they even survived. A child, every child, needs to know that their life matters to someone. That they are loved and are recognized as unique and special. I know that many parents who have kids in daycare love their child or children every bit as much as any parent does. That is not what this is about. The facts are that most kids are dropped at daycare by 8am, and are picked up somewhere around 5. The parent may have to stop at a store on the way home, then once home, dinner has to be cooked, served and cleaned up, laundry needs to be done, if there is more than one child, homework is a priority, baths, snacks, then bed, hopefully at a decent time for the child's age. How much time is there, in those few hours to really get involved wIth any individual child in a totally relaxed, totally child-centered way?

All that said, I don't have a solution. I was a stay-at-home mother, and my grandchildren have been very blessed, in that when a parent had to work, either I, or more often, a sibling took care of the child. When my oldest DD had her children, she worked at a school and was home by 3, her husband managed a take-out pizza place and went to work at 4. I know that type of arrangement isn't always available. I am not naive. But I also see many good people, who love their children, but wHo also love new cars stylish clothing, lunches and dinners out, and believe they really need the two incomes. And I watch, as their children get older- and I am talking elementary school age- and have behavior and social problems in schools and neighborhoods.

I know it is an over-simplicafation to a major issue, and I also know that not all children who are in daycare from early on grow up to go on shooting sprees or other acts of violence, but I also know that the biggest draw that gangs have is that they give kids an identity and a place to "belong". I know there are some countries that give new mothers two years maternity leave at 75% salary. Maybe, instead of blaming guns for all the violence, we should look at why these kids are picking up the guns. Again, obviously, this is only one of many, many factors that come together to create this problem, but I do really believe it is a factor. Hope I haven't insulted anyone with my rant.

I love the interaction I have with all of you, and would never purposely say anything to hurt anyone on this site. Hey, it's only my opinion

Anne

Just wanted to come back on and say thanks for all who ranted with me.  Carole, you are so right.  We have all become so used to the violence that we don't even consider some of the things we could do.  We have become complacent because "nothing" ever happens anyway.    Linda and Anne --- we do have a lot of laws but one important one we don't have as a standard is background checks.  Also, being able to follow the FULL trail of a gun through all its owners.  None of this is simple, or easy.  The lousy part is even had we started major improvements last yr. it will take a long, long time to move the needle into the positive area on the scale.  I'm just sick of the idea that so many, many people are hurt badly, or killed that were minding their own business etc.  Many kids are neglected now-days.  Far too many people have children who are not ready for it --- and sometimes even if you get better, it is still too late for the child.  It is not simple, nor easy in any way --- but I still don't like that a big organization keeps saying we need more guns.  More guns is not the answer.

Gosh Linda, I must be a very catty person.  My first thought when you described  your BIL was why did your sister even think of marrying someone with OCD, then I realized it was probably the same reason I married my first husband who was a genius, but also an alcoholic.  Somehow, ( oh how silly young people can be ) I was just sure that our love was deeper, stronger, wider,  and more powerful than a speeding bullet --- so how could a bit of alcoholism make too much of a problem.  10 yrs. later we were finally divorced and a week after my divorce I married my second husband ( we celebrated our 40th. this July ) and we are still enjoying each other's company.  So forgive me for that. 

I know it can be difficult for anyone having any other adult in their home for an extended period.  I'm almost thinking a "new" contract needs to be drawn up, but if you can't enforce it, it wouldn't do much good.  I also think it is hard to let anything go when you are constantly bombarded with the negative behaviors that so put you off.  I wish I had some great answer but I don't.  I don't know if you gave your BIL some sort of time limit, but I think there is nothing wrong with figuring one out and presenting him with it.  He has to man up to some sort of responsible guidelines.  I don't know if there is anyway to steer him at all, or if there is someone who could help you with reasonable demands and a way to present them to get some half way decent results.  Don't know if there are any books or works that might help you interact with a person with your BIL's illness.

You really do need to get some decent rest.  Don't know if relaxation tapes might help you lighten up before bed, some meditating --- but your spirit is being assaulted it seems to me and if you can get some good rest your thought processes might be clearer and better answers find there way into your awareness.  Everything that happens to us has a reason --- too many times, it doesn't seem to make sense to us.  I've bumped up against that so many times, so you need that break --- in being totally annoyed and upset --- to traveling on a beautiful boat sailing on peaceful calm seas where strains of beautiful music act as a lullaby that just soothes and rests your spirit better than anything else can.   I hope you can find some peace --- you need it for your healing.

Blessings,

Jackie

Peace comes from living a measured life.  Peace comes from attending to every part of my world in a sacramental way.  My relationships are not what I do when I have time left over from my work. . . . Reading is not something I do when life calms down. Prayer is not something I do when I feel like it. They are all channels of hope and growth for me. They must all be given their due.
 
Joan D. Chittister

Mornin

Carole- I totally agree that some kids are better off in daycare than with neglectful parents 24/7. In fact, I would say that would have been true for my youngest DD's two kids, if we hadn't been able to step in and be there for them on a daily basis when they were infants. Thankfully, Jamie had a job as a hairstylist back then, and with odd hours, evenings and weekends, my two other daughters and I were really the main caretakers for the firstborn, and were around as much as possible for the second one after she quit working. This is the same daughter that is pregnant again and has just moved in to a warehouse for the school year, then is planning to build a home out of shipping containers. When I say I plan to be around for as much of this year as possible, several people including my other kids, say they are adults, this is their choice and we haVe to let them fail on their own. My response is yes, it is the parents choice, but the kids didn't choose this chaos. The difference in behavior between the time she drops them off till the time she picks them up is remarkable, whether it is a couple of hours or a couple of days. So yes, I stand corrected- home care is not always better than daycare. Bui stand by what I said about the mindset of daycare kids

Anne

Anne, your comments on daycare and nonsupportive families were very interesting, especially no intentional interaction. My dh's brother came from this type of environment,too - being shifted around between siblings and neighbors bc his mom was sick with brain cancer. We had him when he was 7. I was 19 - too young and inexperienced to be a mom and had to go back to college in the fall. His dad is an alcoholic and wouldn't help us financially, so we had to drop him off. But this is 40 years ago and not good for me to review because I can't change it.

Jackie, it's my hubby's brother; I'm an only child. He's 47 going on 8, I think. I don't think another "contract" will do anything - I did come up with a list of chores for him to do to "pay his way," but I don't know if this is enabling him. He has no sense of responsibility and we're finding out that most of what he tells us is BS. His list includes a job search and calling a mental health counselor, but to my knowledge, nothing is happening on those fronts. There's much more going on in his life that I can't share ... I can only pray for positive changes.

You're right, going on without rest is not good and I go to a support group on Fri. nights and feel so much better. It's a great support group, Emotions Anonymous and if I get back to working the steps and doing my positive affirmations, I'm OK. And, I have already since yesterday. More importantly, I slept for about 10 hours last night and took a 3 hour nap today. My body and mind to need the rest to heal.

Had my 1st follow-up with my surgeon yesterday. The tumor was larger 7mm not 3-4mm as first thought. She's going to send it off for a gene report to confirm that 3 weeks of radiation will be all I need. The sentinal node is clear - 0 there, thank G-d. She didn't want to discuss radiation, but I do have concerns so she said, wait until she refers me to a radiologist after my next visit to her in 2 weeks. Thankfully, she removed the itchy surgical tape and told me I can continue to ice it this weekend and then switch to moist heat on Monday.

For moist heat, is that applied directly to your skin? I would think so, but figured you guys would know.

Tomorrow, I'm going to make some more jewelry and maybe go to to see a movie with dh. And, work more on my affirmations.

Monday, I go back to work and I think that will help me too. I'm a little apprehensive because I think having cancer messes with your brain -- I kind of feel "stupid" sometimes. For example, I got to my Dr's office at 1, but the appointment was at 1:30 so I left and tried to get my scrips, but had to leave to go back because there wasn't enough time so I went back to the Dr. and she was late.

I'm so grateful to have found you beautiful ladies online and appreciate the ability to rant and get feedback.

ohio - glad you got some things done around the house.

Blessings to you all.

Linda

Late this afternoon neighbors came over with a grandchild, a little girl less than a year old. She is so cute and chubby with beautiful blue eyes. Her name is Harlow and her parents aren't married and don't live together. She was conceived during a period when they were girlfriend and guy friend. Now the mother is going back to college and the father, who has a degree, is working and paying child support. At the time he learned he was going to be a father, he was travelling around the country playing in a band. Not your ideal family situation. I wonder how many babies are born into an "ideal family situation" these days..

DH and I had noon dinner at my mother's house with my younger sister and her dh and my oldest brother and his wife and, of course, my mother. It was nice to visit with part of the family.

Now we're about to watch the Saints play the Cowboys. Hope it isn't too painful!