Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?

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  • ritajean
    ritajean Member Posts: 4,223
    edited September 2015

    Travel safely, Carole!!!

  • lindab142
    lindab142 Member Posts: 105
    edited September 2015

    Illinois Lady - thanks so much.

    Surgery was a success and lymph nodes are clear. Thank G-d.

    May I ask how long you guys stayed off work? I don't have a lot of paid time, but I'm concerned about going back too soon. Filled out the FMLA forms, but can't afford not to get paid.



  • lindab142
    lindab142 Member Posts: 105
    edited September 2015

    I came back to share 2 things that I am very sad and upset about.

    I belong to a synagogue and my surgery was in the middle of the Jewish High Holidays. I've started a caring bridge site so people can read what's going on. I sent my rabbi an email when the surgery was scheduled and got a 1 word answer "Good luck".

    In Judaism, it is taught to visit the sick, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, help the widow and orphan. My rabbi did NOT call me at all, nor did anyone at my synagogue. Since I feel this is the rabbi's job (no matter what time of year it is), I'm really upset and have decided that I'm not going back there anymore. She's been with us 3-4 years and there are many things about her that I don't like and haven't from the beginning. But the "community" loves her and she's "building community" and getting awards and new members. I think she's phony and a gossip. I don't like the way she runs high holiday services by substituting prayers while the ones in the book are fine, in my opinion. I've been thinking of leaving for a while, many years now, but this synagogue is the closest; 10 minutes from my house. I only go there to pray now, I used to volunteer for everything about 10 years ago and got burnt out.

    I work FT and have an online jewelry business and I don't have time for volunteering anyway, nor do I have the money to donate for things they need.

    But, it hurts and angers me that she didn't call to see how I was doing. I went for a couple hours on Yom Kippur and she said "I was going to call you 6 times", but the fact is she didn't. And it hurts.

    My 2nd hurt is that I share a booth at shows with a pillow maker and crochet friend. I couldn't do Sept shows because of my diagnosis and told her I couldn't do an October one either, since I can't lift anything. She's the wife of a friend of mine and we really haven't "bonded", but we share the booths and she always make more $ than I do. Jewelry is very common at shows, and it's very competitive.

    In any case, I told her I couldn't make the Oct show and said I wasn't sure about Nov. yet. She sent me an email telling me she found another jewelry designer to share the Oct. show with and said if I let he know early, she would take over the Nov. show too. I understand that we both make more sharing the booth, but her hubby told me last weekend she made $400 on Sun. It hurts me that she found another jewelry designer to cover both shows. Maybe I should just give it up because it's a lot of work and I may be going thru radiation then.

    But, it hurts, not only did she find another partner, but did it have to be jewelry? I think I have to turn these hurts and disappointments over to G-d because it's not good for me to have resentments. I need guidance on the best thing to do for me.

    If you've read this far, thank you. Please pray for my health, physical, mental and emotional.

    Linda



  • IllinoisLady
    IllinoisLady Member Posts: 29,082
    edited September 2015

    Keep
    me away from the wisdom

    which does not cry, the

    philosophy which does not laugh,

    and the greatness which does

    not bow down before children.

    Khalil Gibran

  • IllinoisLady
    IllinoisLady Member Posts: 29,082
    edited September 2015

    Good morning everyone,

    I hope you are having a really good Sunday morning. 

    Linda, we are happy to hear that your surgery is done and no lymph node involvement.  I am not a great person to ask about how long before you go back to work.  I had a wonderful surgeon ( a lady ) from Southern Illinois University, and though a bit sore, not even so much that I needed to take any pain meds, including aspirin.  My job ( receptionist ) was easy and only pt. time so I didn't miss any work at all.  I live in a very small town and therefore had pretty understanding bosses  throughout my dx. and txs.   Hopefully others will chime in on that question.  I do wonder though what your Dr. has advised ? 

    As to the other things --- that is why we are here.  This dx. is often difficult.  No one 'prepares' for it --- most of the time it just sort of turns up and while most of accept that we will have a number of harsh realities in life --- I just never dreamed this would be one of them.  Totally shocked when it happened.  Hard to take your lemons and make something good when the rug is our from under you in such a huge way. 

    As far as the other things --- I think it is sad and somewhat un-called for to have a church official/rabbi who only even barely acknowledges  the fact of your health issues.  I don't believe in luck good or bad so while I know many people use that expression, it seems rather curt and un-feeling to me.  Since I don't really know your rabbi I may be a bit un-fair, but I want to be honest in my reactions.  I know little about Judaism, but it sounds to me like the rabbi wanted to be highly enthusiastic about the position in the beginning and has never completely relaxed into her role of tending to the congregation.  One could hope it happens soon if that is the case, but I understand that for some of us some things are never going to be a good fit.  I commend you for seeing that and for also being willing to do what it takes to fix things.  I don't know if it is all age or that and being a bit tired of having to be soooo flexible all the time, but many of us think certain things are best if they are still from " the old days ".

    As to this lady you share a booth with --- you are I think right.  Most people have a number of burdens and I recall having  a fair amt. of turmoil going on emotionally as I went thru my dx. and txs.  Adding other parts to that roller coaster is an awful lot to bear.  I tend to take ( what seems to me anyway ) my worst problems and let my higher power sort through them and just move on to what I can easily take care of through my normal day.  Maybe you might want to wait a month (  since that time seems covered already ) and see how you feel about your part time business then.  I am probably too easy --- but thinking this person who also does jewelry, like you, may have mentioned to the lady you share the booth with, that she wished she could do something like that --- and your friend may have just called her --- knowing it would be a 'quick' solution to booth rental, etc. 

    I think once we give up a problem ( stop putting any energy, positive or negative into it ) the solution is much freer to come  into our mind as to what we feel is right for us.    So, hopefully, you can find a lot of things to give positive attention to ( healing and gaining energy ) and move forward in good directions that keep the best  and let the rest drift far away.  All anyone can really do is try and take the gift of each new day and add the best we can to it being grateful for life and the ability to try and improve ourselves in as many ways as possible. 

    Blessings,

    Jackie

  • Beachbum1023
    Beachbum1023 Member Posts: 1,417
    edited September 2015

    I spent my last weekend at the Casting for Recovery Ohio retreat at Indian Bear Lodge and had an amazing time!! Worth it!

    image

  • termite
    termite Member Posts: 241
    edited September 2015

    Welcome to all the newcomers.

    Carole, Glad the wheel of your truck is fixed. Safe travels home.

    Anne, Congratulations

    Ritajean, it is good to hear from you. I love the fall craft shows around us.

    Teka, cute pictures. In the morning my hair looks like that.

    Jackie, you really are a good friend to help Micki out like that.

    I made my gd monster high doll birthday cake. It turned out pretty good and she liked it. This one was with a pink skirt instead of the blue that I had shown. Also put a skelton head with a pink bow(all made out of fondant) next to her on the cake board. Yellow cake mix did not rise as well as the chocolate one but just had to make an extra round cake.

    We have had 5 showings on the house this past week. One family came back twice and asked questions about the school district and where the bus stop was in our neighborhood. But we have not heard anything.

    We just heard last night thru the grapevine (one of our sons) that our other sons wife is moving out and renting an apartment with another lady. They have 3 children and my heart is broken. I love this dil as if she were my daughter. Our son does not want us to know yet. I am wondering when they will tell us. It is so hard because we can not say anything or ask if he needs help until they tell us. I just worry about the kids since the oldest is just going into his teens.

    We will be heading for florida in a few weeks for our annual mini family reunion with my MIL and BIL and his family. Our other son will be staying at our house with our dog. We will be taking a few of the grandkids with us and then their dad and other brother will join us at the end for the last week. It should be fun.

    Linda, I was off after my lumpectomy for about 4 weeks until after my radiation. My mammosite was too close to a staple and I had to be careful how I moved. Since working with kids my radiation doctor and surgeon thought it best not to work during that time. I was glad though cuz I was really tired and needed the rest I could have gone back the last week but my employer told me she would not let me come back yet and to take one more week to be sure I was ready. At that time I worked for a privately owned preschool.

    Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

  • Wren44
    Wren44 Member Posts: 8,585
    edited September 2015

    Linda, I understand your hurt that the Rabbi did not even call. And that no one from the congregation called or offered to visit. If there is another synagogue within a reasonable distance, I would visit to see if it fit me better. I attended the Episcopal church in college and one of my favorite things was that the prayers dated back to the beginning. It's a very soothing ritual. I understand it has been modernized since then.

    I can't give any advice about returning to work. I was retired, so it didn't apply in my case. I don't know what kind of surgery you had, but a bmx takes more time than a umx and a lumpectomy even less time. I know a lot of women have worked thru radiation, but being tired is a major side effect. If you have any disability insurance (probably would be thru work) it can pick up some of the income you'll miss by staying home.

    Sending healing thoughts and major hugs. It's really up and down for a while. Best wishes for a quick recovery.

  • IllinoisLady
    IllinoisLady Member Posts: 29,082
    edited September 2015

    Looking good Beachbum ....good for you. Looks like a catfish to me, but I have to admit I'm not much of a fisherman --- and hate to admit I live by a lake where all I'd have to do is drop a line in. 

    Jackie

  • carolehalston
    carolehalston Member Posts: 6,887
    edited September 2015

    Love the picture, Beachbum.

    Linda, you are probably more susceptible to hurt feelings at this stressful time in your life.  But I agree that both your rabbi and your booth partner were very inconsiderate and both let you down.  I hope you can deal with your hurt in an honest and positive way.  I would tell both people that they have not been supportive and then I would try to figure out how to move on to my advantage.  You have enough to deal with and don't need negative emotions dragging you down.  I do believe in luck and wish you a lot of good fortune.  And please feel free to vent.

    We're in Waterloo, Iowa tonight after a day of travel.

    Greetings to everyone.

  • IllinoisLady
    IllinoisLady Member Posts: 29,082
    edited September 2015

    Hope you get a chance to look at the Blood Moon tonight before you turn in Carole --- I'm waiting till around 9:30 p.m. or so as I've never seen a Blood Moon.  I hope it is as fantastic as it sounds.

    Jackie

  • IllinoisLady
    IllinoisLady Member Posts: 29,082
    edited September 2015

    A beautiful face will age and a perfect body will change .but an awesome person will always be an awesome person.
    Riska Jane

  • IllinoisLady
    IllinoisLady Member Posts: 29,082
    edited September 2015

    Good Morning,

    Well, that ole' moon was quite pretty but I did cheat.  It was still partly in eclipse when I chose to go to bed.  While I don't feel bad, this yr's ragweed and fall pollens have caused my sinuses to drain through my throat.  I am hoarse and barely talking.  I just got tired from a full day of putting up with that.  Sometimes I can be a real 'weanie' about things.  I just felt I needed to be horizontal and as usual ---- it wasn't long  before I was sleeping away.  Hopefully some warm salt water gargles will get me back to where I was. 

    I do have a prescription left in place by the V.A. so if this doesn't start to clear I will have it sent to me.  I've tried the past couple of yrs. to cut down on meds and thought I'd get by ---- and probably would.  I just think this yr. may be a little harsher than most.  Not much for rain so most of the bad stuff is just hanging in the air for long periods.

    Will be checking in with all of you later.  Saying a big hi and sending hugs.

    Blessings

    Jackie

  • bonnets
    bonnets Member Posts: 769
    edited September 2015

    Morning ladies, looks like our last lovely sunny fall day, for a while!

    We watched til the moon disappeared, then it clouded up so we never saw the red moon phase! Finally gave up and went to bed.

    Have a great day where ever you are. Jean

  • carolehalston
    carolehalston Member Posts: 6,887
    edited September 2015

    A 2nd day of safe travel.  Traffic not bad except for St. Louis.  We're in Blytheville, AR.  Hope to make it home tomorrow.  Will probably be driving in rain.

    Jackie, I've been sneezing for a month.

  • bonnets
    bonnets Member Posts: 769
    edited September 2015

    Jackie, Ive got the rotten sinus drip too. Hacking when I'm up or down! Also my eyes have been itching like crazy. Haven't had that since our kitty passed. Jean

  • IllinoisLady
    IllinoisLady Member Posts: 29,082
    edited September 2015

    Sorry to hear you guys got this rotten stuff too.  I have been fortunate ( up to now ) and early morning is lots of clearing of the throat and Kleen-X by the ton.  Why it decided to go down my throat --- hmmmm. 

    I think we may get some rain too and hoping it settles down the allergens and maybe I can catch up --- oh how wonderful to just be using box after box of Kleen-X again.  See you all tomorrow.  Glad Carole that you seem to be making good time on your way back home.  Bet everyone will be really glad to see you.

    Jackie

  • Kicks
    Kicks Member Posts: 4,131
    edited September 2015

    Beachbum - Nice catfish! Glad you had a good time at Casting for Recovery. I'll be going to the one Oct 12, 13, 14 in Valentine, NE at The Prairie Club. It's about 200 miles away and in a different state than I live in but 2 from my state were included. Actually, there is to be a Retreat there on Oct 9,10,11 also.

    Was that your first time flyfishing? Going to keep doing it? I've been flyfishing for about 5 yrs now - love it. I did Project Healing Waters (a program for Veterans) where I learned to build my own rods and furthered my fly tying skills. I started fly tying thanks to classes that our local Cabellas put on.

  • Beachbum1023
    Beachbum1023 Member Posts: 1,417
    edited September 2015

    Hi Kicks, it was my first time, but not the last. I had so much fun. I live on the shore of Lake Erie West of Cleveland and have many rivers to choose from as well.. I'm looking for gear now. We also tied flies, and our guides gave us a nice selection as well. Orvis provided us with a nice fly box, and they also sponsor all of the equipment for the weekend as well. My guide made me a pair of "fly earrings". But the retreat was fantastic. It was awesome. I came home loaded with wonderful gifts, pictures galore, and had an amazing time. I hope you have a blast!!

    October 10th I am going to a Cabela's Ladies Day Out. Casting for Recovery will have a booth there. Looking forward to that! Casting for Recovery Ohio has some great pictures on it, and facebook does as well.

  • sandra4611
    sandra4611 Member Posts: 2,913
    edited September 2015

    Linda, you've received some insightful messages from the women on this discussion group. You are hurt that no one felt you were important enough. I can feel your pain through your words. I agree that at this particular time you are especially vulnerable to disappointments and slights. Many of us can identify. It doesn't help to be told that people didn't do it "on purpose." You were left out and your feelings were not considered.

    Feeling ignored by a religious person seems to sting the most since they are supposed to care and are there to help. When they don't, you feel doubly betrayed. I worked for a religious institution for a few years and saw the dirty underside. People I had formerly looked up to showed me their ugly hidden side. At the same time, I was having difficulty with one of my teenage daughters and asked my own pastor for help. He promised so much and never followed up. It was crushing, especially since I had given so much of my time as a volunteer there. Those two situations opened my eyes and gave me the strength to leave my job and my congregation where I'd been for over 10 years. If your soul is being crushed, not fed, what's the point of allowing these people to hurt you more?

    It's never easy to make a big change, but this might just be the thing you need right now.

    Recovery from surgery takes quite a while. Depending on the kind of surgery you had, you might find you take one step forward and two steps back. I had 6 surgeries over 15 months so I feel like an expert on recovery! LOL. Each one of my surgeries had different recovery periods so even with the same person, it can vary. After the initial double mastectomy, it took three full weeks until I turned the corner and started feeling better. My husband and I were both inpatients at the same time when I had surgery #6 just before last Christmas. His diagnosis was shocking and I suddenly had to deal with the fact that he had a fatal illness. I totally forgot about my own recovery and have really not given breast cancer much of a thought since then. So sometimes you have time to immerse yourself in the details of recovery and other times it is the last thing on your mind. No one can really tell you what it will be like.


  • Kicks
    Kicks Member Posts: 4,131
    edited September 2015

    Glad to hear that you will be keeping on with flyfishing.

    I make earrings out of flys I tie. I'm taking enough for everyone who will be participating and volunteering. I'm also taking a few Christmas ornaments and key chains I make so any men involved don't have to get earrings (or women who don't want earrings). Not all the earrings are 'classic' fly's as I make all sorts of color combinations (or whatever I 'dream up'). Even some of the weirder ones I make work good in some places/seasons. I make an orange elkhair parachute that I dreamed up that works great here in the Black Hills - have given so many away and others are now tiring them too.

    I'm taking my rods (9' 5 wt and 7'9" 3 wt that t I built) as they are the ones I use all the time along with the rest of my stuff.

    It's been 3 yrs since I attended a Retreat for women as the Women's Retreats at the local VA are no longer being done so looking forward to the retreat part of it too. I'm hoping that weather cooperates - 2 yrs ago on Oct 5 we got hit by a horrendous blizzard - were without power at the house for 8 days.

    Our local Cabelas is also having Ladies Day Out on the 10th. I haven't seen the lost of classes for this on yet but they usually have fly tying classes at them. The last 2 LDOs I have wound up helping others with tieing but after the last 1 I got a 'private' class with the instructor on some rather complicated flys. Here they have several classes on 'outdoor stuff' designed for women with no or little 'outdoor' experience.

  • IllinoisLady
    IllinoisLady Member Posts: 29,082
    edited September 2015

    Sandra -- what a great answer to Linda.  How interesting that you too were let down by the religious institution/pastor.  Just a little part of the reason I study spirituality and took on my OWN salvation so to speak.  I know that is not for everyone.  Some will always feel better for the fellowship of the other people in their Church family and I'm good with that -- in fact, I'd say even happy if that is the case.  It did though become apparent to me that I didn't need quite all of that as I just saw too many dichotomies and other issues and I feel perfectly capable of handling things myself.  We are all important to the Creator/Supreme Being/God --- whatever name we use --- and I don't think this entity gives one whit how we take care of our spiritual life.  As long as we care -- I'm sure we will get "there".

    Jackie

  • IllinoisLady
    IllinoisLady Member Posts: 29,082
    edited September 2015

    All the kindness which a person puts out into the world
    works on the heart and thoughts of humankind.

    Albert Schweitzer

  • IllinoisLady
    IllinoisLady Member Posts: 29,082
    edited September 2015

    Good afternoon,

    Running late today as I had to work and it was pouring rain out --- not a good start to the morning -- though not bad, but I didn't sleep well with all the sinus drainage and needed extra coffee.  So, late getting my chores going and getting out of here.  I am actually this afternoon feeling better.  Have done a few salt water gargles and I may work out of this soon.  Hope so. 

    We will see how sleeping is tonight.  I think tomorrow BIL will be back so I won't have the duty of helping in town and maybe can have a relaxing day.  I went to the vets and got some meds for the baby kitties as they had bad eyes.  Hopefully soon they will be just as chipper as can be.

    It is nearly 4 O'clock and it only stopped raining a while ago.  Was surprised that we had so much though I can't say it poured.  There was a good amt. but it didn't really overwhelm  any one area -- more consistent I'd say.  I hope that will settle down some of the pollens and other things.  Anyway, in a while I will go and pick up Mickie and get her to her house.  Her furnishings are coming tomorrow ---- but I don't know exactly when she plans to get back in her house.  I'd be majorly ready, but I don't like motel rooms --- far too confining for me. 

    I hope you have all had a really good day and sorry I was so late today with the quote.  See you all later.

    Blessings,

    Jackie

  • carolehalston
    carolehalston Member Posts: 6,887
    edited September 2015

    Hi from home in Louisiana. We arrived about 4 pm and have carried a lot of stuff inside. I'll wait until tomorrow to start putting pantry stuff back into the pantry and to do laundry, etc. DH is totally involved in getting the Dish satellite tv reception. He's on the phone now with a technician.

    More tomorrow.

  • sandra4611
    sandra4611 Member Posts: 2,913
    edited September 2015

    Carole,

    Glad you are home and getting settled in again.

  • Puffin2014
    Puffin2014 Member Posts: 961
    edited September 2015

    glad you're safely back home Carole. You timed your departure well, some areas down to 27 degrees yesterday morning.

  • carolehalston
    carolehalston Member Posts: 6,887
    edited September 2015

    Whoo, Puffin, that's cold! It is sunny today and will be hot, high 80's. Tomorrow a front moves in, bringing cool fall air.

    Meanwhile I have a busy day ahead. I will send dh off to the supermarket with a long list. The refrigerator is almost empty.

    Hi to everyone.

  • IllinoisLady
    IllinoisLady Member Posts: 29,082
    edited September 2015

    Character is the product of daily, hourly actions, words
    and thoughts:  daily forgiveness, unselfishness, kindnesses,
    sympathies, charities, sacrifices for the good of others,
    struggles against temptation, submissiveness under trial.
    It is these, like the blinding colors in a picture, or the
    blending notes of music, which constitute the person.

    John MacDuff

  • Anneb1149
    Anneb1149 Member Posts: 960
    edited September 2015

    Mornin all

    Got back last night from my long weekend with Lucia. She has started talking since the last time I saw her in July! What fun! Most of what she says is clear, and when she can't be understood verbally, sometimes you can figure out what she's trying to say through her tone and body moves. Happy to say, after a couple of hours of calling me Anne as her mom does, my son came home and she started calling me Grandma like him. We played and played. I could have stayed forever, but my body says "Ouch!". I did more walking (around the house, it rained the whole weekend), and sitting on the floor than I have done in years. This is the DIL and granddaughter who are vegan. I made Robs favorite casserole the night before I left, and I made Anna and Lucia a vegan vegetable soup, which they both loved. I had so much fun, I am going to try to get back over before I go back to Fl at the end of Oct.

    The sale of this Ga house to my DD and SIL is moving along. The lady handling the actual paperwork was totally confused. She didn't understand why ALL the paperwork ( buyer and seller) was going to the same address, then she asked about the key exchange and changing of the locks, which, of course, is not needed. Plus she was getting emails from Nancy, who she knows thru work by first name only, and had no idea why she was involved in a private sale, based on her job duties. Someone at Nancy's work finally clued her in to what is actually happening.

    My 2 grandsons here were really upset that I was only here for a few days before heading to Robs. They understood why (Robs birthday) but were very happy it was a short visit. The oldest, 16, is really trying to figure out life and where he stands politically- try explaining the difference between conservatives and liberals- and also morally and spiritually. We talked for almost two hours last night. He's extremely intelligent, so simple answers don't cut it with him. He researches everything, and just as an example, when I said that the Pledge of Allegiance says "one nation under God" he said that "under God" was only added in 1954. He says the constitution doesn't mention God at all and the Declaration of Independence only has one actual mention of God. As my DD says, he can make your brain hurt after a while, but I am so glad he is searching and seems to be heading in the right direction, at least regarding sex and drugs.

    Just to join the conversation started by Linda, I, too, had a bad experience at a church. I had been asked to teach a 3 year old preschool class for a year. I repeatedly told them I had no teacher training or experience. They said that was not a problem, all I had to do was keep the kids and more importantly, the parents, happy. I was also in charge of the church's nursery at the same time. My first hint came when I wAs called into the pastors office and fired from the nursery job, claiming I waS not recruiting enough volunteers and aLso accused of leaving the kids unsupervised. Then at the end of the school year I was told I would not be coming back to teach a second year, as I haD no teaching experience. My big problem was, we had been very active in this particular church for 25 years,and more than that, had been, I thought close friends with the pastor and his wIfe. Our daughter and theirs had been best friends from the day they met, at it was alwAys our house their daughter stayed at when they had to be out of town, which was quite often. So, I couldn't understand, regardless of the outcomes, that he never once picked up the phone to ask me what did is think or feel about what was happening. His wife had chronic fatigue at this time, and when their daughter had a baby, at 16, I was his grandmother for all intents and purposes. We ended up leaving the church , but still have close ties to a lot of its members and run into to the rector occasionally. I find it really funny. If I am aLone, he barely says hello, but if anyone else is there, I get a big hug and a hearty hello, how are you doing. We were so entwined with him and the church that 2 of my kids still asked him to officiate at their weddings. My oldest daughter had been married by him shortly before this all happened. I knew exactly why both the nursery and preschool leaders did what they did, and it had nothing to do with my work performances at all. In fact, the preschool situation had more to do with him than me. The principal was doing a lousy job, and she thought I had his ear, being personal friends, and I was "out to get her" which was absolutely not true. I understood why she thought that, but was as usual, that was never brought up.

    Need to get ready for a check up wIth my breast surgeon, so I will talk to you all later

    Anne

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