PTSD - anyone had this diagnosis during or after cancer?

Has anyone heard that Lavendar oil is not good for people that had estrogen fed cancers? I use it all the time and a few weeks ago I believe I read that on one of these boards

Fat necrosis is what they said my new knots are. I had my expander removed twice on that side and had healing issues. She did an ultrasound immediately in office and was very re-assuring.

I am on Prozac and I will say that I feel like it needs to be increased. I'm hanging on by a string and finding this knot sent me over the edge. My new normal I guess.......

You guys I feel for you. 4Uiachick, you are not an isolated case with the way you are feeling. I been over the edge once or twice. How can you not be when you go on this BC ride. It never seems to leave......I am so glad it's only necrosis they found. I had a biopsy and they found it too. Now it doesn't want to heal like normal. Now I worry about that. It's out of my hands and should not right ?

I'm trying not to increase my drug that I take, so I started 15 min of meditation in the morning and night. It seems to relax and calm the anxiety that I get every time I'm faced with another bump in the road.

Hugs, Artsee

Yoga is great.....just try sitting and closing your eyes and breathing slowly deep and leave it out slowly.. I say to myself the word "calm" with each breath. (15 min.)I feel less on edge ......😌

mandalaB, my friend here on the boards calls that going to crazy town! It's amazing what our minds can do to us. sorry about the bad mom stuff.

Katiegrey, I've got to say .. this thread .. I have nodded in agreement with so much of what everyone else is saying. But your post back on lower page 1 had me laughing so hard, I had tears running down my face. Such language! I really needed to laugh. So thank you for that!

As for myself, instead of feeling like I'm recovering from the past year, I think I'm going in reverse. Can't sleep anymore, obsessed with thoughts of the crap returning, aching like crazy from the AI's, said things to hubby that I have regretted (yeah, I'm a real joy to live with these days), hurt my daughter's feelings .. and when I pass by a mirror, I look like somebody who just escaped from a mental institution. I don't look, think, or feel like the person I was a year ago. Too bad life didn't have a rewind button.

Because of feeling so horrible lately, I've stayed in the house way too much. Maybe that's it .. it's finally taken it's toll. But who wants to go out feeling like this, I ask you! I don't do well on anti-depressants, like most people do, or at least those who can find one that actually works without SE's.

It doesn't anger me so much that I got cancer. I actually figure "why not me", when I see and hear of so many others .. even teenagers and kids these days. I don't consider myself that special. And so many ladies on here who are so much younger than I am who still have children to raise.. why them. I don't understand that.

Anyway, going back to anger, what DOES anger me is the money they have made off of my body with their tests, scans, treatments, pills, appointments, etc. etc. etc. and I now feel worse now than I did 6 months ago. And every time I have tried to get an honest answer to any questions I have asked, I am told "no, those are not SE's" or I'm told by the medical establishment that I should stay off of the internet. Stay off the internet? The last time I looked, I believe I was a grown woman and this particular website is where I get most of my information! I'm convinced now that many of them .. not all .. but many of them .. don't want you to really learn or know anything. That way, they don't have to try to answer any questions, or worse yet, have to lie about things like SE's.

I guess that about sums it up in a nutshell. So .. I just try to get from one day to the next and hope the next one is a better one. Hang in there, ladies.

Edited for typos..

Suladog - oh my. I had to smile when I read your narrative. So glad you found help. My breakdown occurred when I couldn't move out of the chair I was basically unresponsive. My DD called my bro who is a onc and he knew what was happening. DH took me to my PCP. I couldn't even sit up on the table when he came. I just laid there eyes closed shutting out all the beasties. He considered admitting me to the psych ward but instead allowed me to go home ordering DH not to leave me alone.

Meds counseling and time pulled me out. I thought I'd never feel better.

That's why I love these boards. In the beginning I felt terrified. I was on a raft all alone in the ocean. Help was nowhere in sight.If you are reading this and suffering just know we have been there, you are not alone, and we will do our best to support you.

I'm not sure if I should even tell my story on here - but it may help some of you feel your situation isn't that bad.

I'm not afraid of cancer "coming back" because I was diagnosed Stage 4 at the get-go. I KNOW it will kill me - the only question is when.

I was severely depressed already when I was diagnosed (suicide attempt in 2009, and on Citalopram), so my first reaction when I found a lump in my breast was "good, I'll die soon". After a few months of studiously ignoring it, it started to really ache, so I went to my doctor. The rest of that story is in my profile below.

My initial visit with the surgeon to do the biopsy involved me already lying on the table in a gown, when he walked in and said (without even saying hello, or introducing himself) "Well, I've seen your scans (mammo and ultrasound) and I'm 98% certain you have cancer, but let's just do this biopsy and prove it." He then proceeded to do the most traumatic biopsy. He took 8 attempts at getting 3 samples, bent 3 needles in the process, and wondered why I was in tears! My whole boob was black for weeks. This lovely "gentleman" did my surgery, and found cancer in almost all of my lymph nodes. He was out of town and on holiday before I even woke from the anesthetic.

After surgery I had a clear CT, and a bone scan which showed an "anomaly", followed by x-rays which showed a "possible shadow" then an MRI which was "inconclusive". Despite this, I was scheduled for chemo, and booked to have a port put in as I have horrible veins.

Then the oncologists had a committee meeting and the Decision was made. I was called into the Oncology Department (where I used to work a few years before) and was told that everything had been cancelled, as the oncologists are 98% sure that what was showing up were metastases in my leg. I was told quite bluntly that I was "incurable", that chemo "would not save me", and that I would be put on a small daily pill (turned out to be Tamoxifen), and I should come back when my leg starts hurting from the bone mets. My sister had BC many years ago, and was in remission for 7 years before it returned, and killed her in 3 months. I automatically assumed that meant I had 3 months too. Not surprisingly I had a bit of a meltdown when I left the hospital!

Today I had the final signoff from radiation, and now I have to wait until the end of the year to have a scan to see if the Tamoxifen is having any effect. I have not been able to go back to work since surgery, as I cannot concentrate on anything, my memory is shot (even finding words is getting harder), I have a 2 hour nap every afternoon and I have the occasional dizzy spells.

Thankfully my family doctor has put a referral in to the psychiatrists at the hospital to see if I can be seen for PTSD diagnosis and treatment. I'm not sure what will happen if they say no.

Thank you FarmerLucy for your kind words.

I have had my first session with a Psychologist, and he says I have "Adjustment Reaction Disorder", along with a history of Mood Disorder. I guess that is about the same thing as PTSD??

Has anyone had this diagnosis?

Thank you for your kind comments.

I have been reading up on adjustment disorder, and it sounds very like me. Where PTSD stems from a single event that you just can't get past, Adjustment disorder comes from an ongoing stressor that you can't quite get used to. So basically, same thing but longer term. I am Stage 4, and will be for life, so this will never be over, therefore I can't "get over it", I have to learn to live with it.

I am already on Citalopram, and have been since before diagnosis, so probably not much point in changing, but I will be discussing it with my psych at the next appointment.. And I now have a note on my hospital file that says that surgeon is not allowed to touch me ever again.

I have absolutely no symptoms from my bone mets, so that makes it hard to accept that they're sitting in my hip waiting to kill me. My oncologist doesn't seem too concerned - he says there is no point in scanning until the end of the year, but my psych says it's probably a good idea for my mental state to have it looked at, or maybe a second opinion.

Sometimes I wish I could just crawl into a hole and pretend none of this is happening!

Hey there:

I was dx in Feb second time around with stage 1a BC, node negative, ER+/Pr+/her 2- ... had mastectomy, TE placed and fat grafting on other side because I had mastectomy for first BC 13 years ago.

Anyways, oncologist, BS, PS and PCP all claim excellent prognosis with second cancer. I don't need radiation, and am still waiting on oncotype dx test for chemo, but oncologist feels chemo likely not needed either. I will likely be put on letroszole (Femara) for 5+ years.

You would think I would be relieved and happy, right? But, I am not. I have started having panic attacks. Real bad ones where I think I am dying and should call an ambulance. These attacks last a few hours and then I am calm and feel relatively normal for a few days or so and then bam, another one will occur. What triggers them? Mention of cancer from someone sometimes - people tend to tell me of someone dying of cancer that has recurred. Not just of BC either, but other kinds of cancer. This will set off a panic attack.

Or, not feeling well. I mean, I wake up in the middle of the night feeling nausea or heartburn and all I have to do is think, "what is wrong? Is something seriously wrong?" and bham another panic attack.

Or, I feel panicky when I have a doctor appointment. The other day I had to go for a bone scan to check for osteoporosis. I had a panic attack when I got home.

I think all this anxiety and panic is left over from last time I had BC. Last time I had stage 3A with a huge tumor and positive nodes. The oncologist would say she didn't think the chemo would work too. I lived in intense fear the cancer would recur for years. Finally, after many years, ( 8 or 9 year after dx) I finally stopped going to the doctor for every little thing. By the time 13 years came, I was getting cocky and thinking I had beat it. And then, I was bulldozed with the second new primary.

A nurse friend of mine the other day told me she thinks I have PTSD. I am waiting to get in to see my PCP to get anti anxiety drugs because I cannot handle these panic attacks. I have an appt on Monday which is the earliest appt I could get.

Isn't cancer just a riot? I just want my life back. I want to feel normal.

wallan

Ahhhh, thanks for putting a "name" on those nasty things! I'm on meds now, they help, BUT I still get a little panic attack every now and again. I've known about my BC for about 6 weeks and am still in shock.......I hate to see every other Monday come, but it has to happen......so I have to have meds that make me so totally drained, to be able to beat this cancer..........

wallan~ it is sad. No doubt about it. I have scans Friday and my stress and scanxiety are through the roof. Cancer changes you. The sky looks different, the trees are so pretty, the sounds of my kids talking together and their laughter are so much sweeter. I hate how I feel too, I cry a lot. I have a happy loving DH and he is my world. I am shattered and broken and I don't know which way is up, but I get up in the morning and fight my butt off, last week I didn't do as well with my excersise and who knows about this week with scanning and my blood work\shot on Wednesday. Nerves getting to me too! Only jogged/walked 20 miles. Down two miles from the previous week, so logically if someone is grtting worse instead of better I don't see how they could be jogging/walking 20 miles at all. So logically I would seem to be getting better. I should be having great scans! But I'm still worried, And I have come to learn, logic doesn't apply to cancer or we would all have a cure! I know how you're feeling you're not alone! You have to learn to live in the day, try not to be too hard on yourself. I wish I had a magic wand, for us all And our precious families would not watch us suffer and us having to not watch them suffer with worry or fear! Cancer is such a mean disease. Big hugs to all that need them today. I know I do!! Keeping everyone in prayer! ~M~